I was born before whip cream....
20 September 2003, 05:52 PM
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---let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
---We take English for granted, but IF we explore its paradoxes, we find:
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing RINGS are square, and a guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers dont fing, grocers dont groce, and hammers dont ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese -- one moose, two meese? And one index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not through a single annal? If you have a collection of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why dont preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, did you bote your tongue?
In my opinion, all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital; ship by truck, and send cargo by ship; have noses that "run" and feet that "smell"; park on Driveways and drive on Parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are the same? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you ever noticed that we only talk about certain things only when THEY are absent? Have you ever seen a horseFUL carriage or a strapFUL gown? MET a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who WAS gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens, or who WOULD hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill IN a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm clock goes on by going off.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out they are visible, and when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, BUT
When I wind up this letter, I end it
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
---We take English for granted, but IF we explore its paradoxes, we find:
that quicksand can work slowly, boxing RINGS are square, and a guinea pig is neither from guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers dont fing, grocers dont groce, and hammers dont ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese -- one moose, two meese? And one index, two indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not through a single annal? If you have a collection of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why dont preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, did you bote your tongue?
In my opinion, all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital; ship by truck, and send cargo by ship; have noses that "run" and feet that "smell"; park on Driveways and drive on Parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are the same? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you ever noticed that we only talk about certain things only when THEY are absent? Have you ever seen a horseFUL carriage or a strapFUL gown? MET a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who WAS gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens, or who WOULD hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill IN a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm clock goes on by going off.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all).
That is why, when the stars are out they are visible, and when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, BUT
When I wind up this letter, I end it
21 September 2003, 10:26 AM
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This farmer was rippin down the road..and this cop pulls him over... and gives the old farmer the riot act...yelling and scolding the farmer... the farmer notices the police officer being harased by some flys...the old farmer says to the cop... looks like your having a problem with them circle flys...the cop says heck yes..so thats what them things are called....the farmer pipes up and says...yea...they are called that because you can normally see them circling a horses ***...the cop continues writing his ticket...and stops..."wiat a second..are you calling me a horses ***?" .... "No no officer ..id never think anything like that" the farmer says ..the cop continutes writing.... the farmer pipes up again...."you cant fool, them circle flys tho"
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