NeilT

From Weekly World News .....


'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING
Wednesday March 19, 2003


By CHAD KULTGEN

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall
Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he
claims to
be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that
44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his
uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in
handcuffs
on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a
pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two
weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every
trade he made capitalized on unexpected business
developments, which
simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside
information.

He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to
give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors
crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126
high-risk
trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the
eyebrows of
Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological
breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin
somehow knew

about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush,
ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more
than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200
years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era
experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone
armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to
go through
the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his
videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you
know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too
perfect. But

I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge
"historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a
cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time
craft."


However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss
how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could
"fall into
the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims
are bogus.
Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of
any Andrew
Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds.
Keep watching for further developments.

chiark

the time travelling thread!

NeilT

cheers Chiark - good thing someone reads every thread

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

Yeah, but what if Telboy saw this thread, jumped into his time machine, popped back to this morning and started a thread - claiming that he posted first?

Obviously he wouldn't admit it, the machine could fall into the wrong hands etc

NeilT

LOL @ Jay

thats why I didnt see it