Don't tell your children this ;-)
12 November 2002, 12:02 PM
#1
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LOL -
Firstly, it is widely acknowledged that time stands still for Santa on Christmas eve. And even if it didnt, applying Einsteins theory of relativity, time is relative to gravity and weight. The argument that he couldnt do it in time and that the physics of the weight are impossible are absolutely right, except that Santa does his Run by virtue of the portable black hole he enters and exits between houses, creating a weightless, gravity free and timeless environment !!
Duh !!
Thought everyone knew that
D
[Edited by Diablo - 12/11/2002 12:05:17 PM]
Firstly, it is widely acknowledged that time stands still for Santa on Christmas eve. And even if it didnt, applying Einsteins theory of relativity, time is relative to gravity and weight. The argument that he couldnt do it in time and that the physics of the weight are impossible are absolutely right, except that Santa does his Run by virtue of the portable black hole he enters and exits between houses, creating a weightless, gravity free and timeless environment !!
Duh !!
Thought everyone knew that
D
[Edited by Diablo - 12/11/2002 12:05:17 PM]
12 November 2002, 12:50 PM
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Ever seen Miss Toddler Pageant (or whatever it's called) in the US? Girls of 2 and upwards being dolled up to look a lot older and then judged. A 3-year old - THREE!! - was in tears because she came second... [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img] 
[/b]
[Edited by Mice_Elf - 12/11/2002 12:51:11 PM]
[/b][Edited by Mice_Elf - 12/11/2002 12:51:11 PM]
11 December 2002, 10:24 AM
#3
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SANTA CLAUS
AN ENGINEER'S PERSPECTIVE
I/ There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
world, however since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15%
of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108
million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
II/ Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to
say, that for every Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
1/1000 of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill
the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into
the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108
million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which of course, we
know to be false, but will accept for the purpose of our calculations). We
are talking about 1.25 Km per household, a total of 120.8 million Km, not
counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at
1040 Km per second........3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of
comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at
a poky 43.8 Km per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 25
Km per hour.
III/ The pay load of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium Lego set (two pounds), the
sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On
land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds, even
granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount,
the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them......Santa would need
360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the
sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV/ 600,000 tons traveling at 1040 Km per second creates enormous air
resistance....this would heat up the lead reindeer in the same fashion as a
space shuttle re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it
matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop
to 1040 k p s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of
17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned
to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing
his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
V/ Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
AN ENGINEER'S PERSPECTIVE
I/ There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the
world, however since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish
or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15%
of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108
million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.
II/ Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to
say, that for every Christian household with a good child, Santa has around
1/1000 of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill
the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into
the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108
million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which of course, we
know to be false, but will accept for the purpose of our calculations). We
are talking about 1.25 Km per household, a total of 120.8 million Km, not
counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at
1040 Km per second........3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of
comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at
a poky 43.8 Km per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 25
Km per hour.
III/ The pay load of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium Lego set (two pounds), the
sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On
land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds, even
granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount,
the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them......Santa would need
360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the
sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen
Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
IV/ 600,000 tons traveling at 1040 Km per second creates enormous air
resistance....this would heat up the lead reindeer in the same fashion as a
space shuttle re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short,
they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer
behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire
reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or
right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it
matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop
to 1040 k p s in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of
17,500 G's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned
to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing
his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
V/ Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
11 December 2002, 12:40 PM
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I see some Reverend had stood up in front of his congregation last week and told everyone how stupid it was to believe in Santa etc etc
A lot of the kids were really upset, and a few parents got pretty pissed off about it.
FFS, kids grow up fast enough nowadays without some **** like him spoiling the little bit of magic that goes with XMAS day for them.
I expect he would have preferred to tell his church about the realitys of life, like how most priests are kiddy fiddlers and the rest have a hard disk full of child ****!!
A lot of the kids were really upset, and a few parents got pretty pissed off about it.
FFS, kids grow up fast enough nowadays without some **** like him spoiling the little bit of magic that goes with XMAS day for them.
I expect he would have preferred to tell his church about the realitys of life, like how most priests are kiddy fiddlers and the rest have a hard disk full of child ****!!
11 December 2002, 12:46 PM
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Too right sheepslitter, the day someone other than me tells my son Santa doesnt exist(when I think he is old enuff and b4 other kids take the ****) then thats the day they are gonna connect heavily with my right boot.
School has already corrupted him at the age of 5 with every swear word under the sun including the c word [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img] and he is supposed to be at a good school [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]
People like ruining kids innocence, its not bringing them into the real world, its corrupting them at ridiculously young ages!
Its useless trying to protect them now bcos the playground now seems the route of all evil, like to meet some of the parents of the kids who have taught my son some very bad stuff and see what they have to say to me!
School has already corrupted him at the age of 5 with every swear word under the sun including the c word [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img] and he is supposed to be at a good school [img]images/smilies/mad.gif[/img]
People like ruining kids innocence, its not bringing them into the real world, its corrupting them at ridiculously young ages!
Its useless trying to protect them now bcos the playground now seems the route of all evil, like to meet some of the parents of the kids who have taught my son some very bad stuff and see what they have to say to me!
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11 December 2002, 01:10 PM
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I have been informed (from someone in the know) that Reindeer perform better on OptiSnax.
If you have a pre-98 Reindeer then you will need to perform a 'sleigh reset', which requires you to remove the reindeer from the sleigh for a minimum of 1 hour.
Post-98 Reindeer (bug-eye models) will automatically adjust to the higher RON of OptiSnax (RON=Reindeer Optimising Nutrients).
If you have a pre-98 Reindeer then you will need to perform a 'sleigh reset', which requires you to remove the reindeer from the sleigh for a minimum of 1 hour.
Post-98 Reindeer (bug-eye models) will automatically adjust to the higher RON of OptiSnax (RON=Reindeer Optimising Nutrients).
11 December 2002, 02:30 PM
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this would heat up the lead reindeer in the same fashion as a space shuttle re-entering the earth's atmosphere
Wonder if it rattles?
11 December 2002, 04:08 PM
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This response was posted to a website:
If you're going to criticise Santa Claus on physical grounds, you may at
least do it right.
The payload calculations are nonsense. Adding, say, 1000 stops back at
the North Pole for reloading adds only a few percent to the entire
distance covered, while reducing the payload by a factor of 1000. This
is clearly the way to go.
The nonuniform distribution of children has a tremendous effect on the
routing. With sensible routing, the average distance from a good child
to the next good child is only a couple hundred feet in suburban
conditions (this is clearly higher in the country, but is much less in,
say, New York City). With only .05 miles between average good children,
Santa need only travel at Mach 200, just a little faster than Ulysses.
This reduces the force of air resistance by a factor of 200, and the
power absorbed by the reindeer by 3000.
(Of course, if Santa stops to give coal to bad children it could slow
things down a bit. But it appears that increasing population has made
Santa give up that trick. When was the last time you heard of anybody
getting a lump of coal?)
We all saw the pictures of a smart bomb falling through an Iraqi
smokestack during the Gulf War. Clearly Santa uses the same technology
for toys and chimneys. By dropping, say, 100 toys at a time from high
altitude, Santa can reduce his speed by another factor of 10. While
still supersonic, this is now slightly less than orbital velocity,
sparing Santa and his team the trauma of extreme centrifugal force.
Santa's trip IS a remarkable feat of aeronautics, but please don't say
it's impossible.
If you're going to criticise Santa Claus on physical grounds, you may at
least do it right.
The payload calculations are nonsense. Adding, say, 1000 stops back at
the North Pole for reloading adds only a few percent to the entire
distance covered, while reducing the payload by a factor of 1000. This
is clearly the way to go.
The nonuniform distribution of children has a tremendous effect on the
routing. With sensible routing, the average distance from a good child
to the next good child is only a couple hundred feet in suburban
conditions (this is clearly higher in the country, but is much less in,
say, New York City). With only .05 miles between average good children,
Santa need only travel at Mach 200, just a little faster than Ulysses.
This reduces the force of air resistance by a factor of 200, and the
power absorbed by the reindeer by 3000.
(Of course, if Santa stops to give coal to bad children it could slow
things down a bit. But it appears that increasing population has made
Santa give up that trick. When was the last time you heard of anybody
getting a lump of coal?)
We all saw the pictures of a smart bomb falling through an Iraqi
smokestack during the Gulf War. Clearly Santa uses the same technology
for toys and chimneys. By dropping, say, 100 toys at a time from high
altitude, Santa can reduce his speed by another factor of 10. While
still supersonic, this is now slightly less than orbital velocity,
sparing Santa and his team the trauma of extreme centrifugal force.
Santa's trip IS a remarkable feat of aeronautics, but please don't say
it's impossible.
11 December 2002, 04:11 PM
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This response was posted to a website:
If you're going to criticise Santa Claus on physical grounds, you may at
least do it right.
The payload calculations are nonsense. Adding, say, 1000 stops back at
the North Pole for reloading adds only a few percent to the entire
distance covered, while reducing the payload by a factor of 1000. This
is clearly the way to go.
The nonuniform distribution of children has a tremendous effect on the
routing. With sensible routing, the average distance from a good child
to the next good child is only a couple hundred feet in suburban
conditions (this is clearly higher in the country, but is much less in,
say, New York City). With only .05 miles between average good children,
Santa need only travel at Mach 200, just a little faster than Ulysses.
This reduces the force of air resistance by a factor of 200, and the
power absorbed by the reindeer by 3000.
(Of course, if Santa stops to give coal to bad children it could slow
things down a bit. But it appears that increasing population has made
Santa give up that trick. When was the last time you heard of anybody
getting a lump of coal?)
We all saw the pictures of a smart bomb falling through an Iraqi
smokestack during the Gulf War. Clearly Santa uses the same technology
for toys and chimneys. By dropping, say, 100 toys at a time from high
altitude, Santa can reduce his speed by another factor of 10. While
still supersonic, this is now slightly less than orbital velocity,
sparing Santa and his team the trauma of extreme centrifugal force.
Santa's trip IS a remarkable feat of aeronautics, but please don't say
it's impossible.
If you're going to criticise Santa Claus on physical grounds, you may at
least do it right.
The payload calculations are nonsense. Adding, say, 1000 stops back at
the North Pole for reloading adds only a few percent to the entire
distance covered, while reducing the payload by a factor of 1000. This
is clearly the way to go.
The nonuniform distribution of children has a tremendous effect on the
routing. With sensible routing, the average distance from a good child
to the next good child is only a couple hundred feet in suburban
conditions (this is clearly higher in the country, but is much less in,
say, New York City). With only .05 miles between average good children,
Santa need only travel at Mach 200, just a little faster than Ulysses.
This reduces the force of air resistance by a factor of 200, and the
power absorbed by the reindeer by 3000.
(Of course, if Santa stops to give coal to bad children it could slow
things down a bit. But it appears that increasing population has made
Santa give up that trick. When was the last time you heard of anybody
getting a lump of coal?)
We all saw the pictures of a smart bomb falling through an Iraqi
smokestack during the Gulf War. Clearly Santa uses the same technology
for toys and chimneys. By dropping, say, 100 toys at a time from high
altitude, Santa can reduce his speed by another factor of 10. While
still supersonic, this is now slightly less than orbital velocity,
sparing Santa and his team the trauma of extreme centrifugal force.
Santa's trip IS a remarkable feat of aeronautics, but please don't say
it's impossible.
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