red_dog104

> Classes for men at the local adult learning centre
*Note: due to the complexity and difficulty level of their contents, each course will accept a maximum of 8 participants only.
>> Topic 1 - How to fill up the ice cube trays. Step by step, with slide presentation.
>> Topic 2 - The toilet paper roll: do they grow on the holders? Round table discussion.
>> Topic 3 - Is it possible to urinate by lifting the seat up and avoid spraying the floor/walls and nearby bathtub? Group practice.
>> Topic 4 - Fundamental differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and explanatory graphics.
>> Topic 5 - The after-dinner dishes and cutlery: can they levitate and fly into the kitchen sink? Examples on video.
>> Topic 6 - Loss of identity: losing the remote to your significant other. Helpline support and support groups.
>> Topic 7 - Learning how to find things, starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming. Open forum.
>> Topic 8 - Health watch: bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health. Graphics and audiotape.
>> Topic 9 - Real men ask for directions when lost. Real life testimonials.
>> Topic 10 - Is it genetically impossible to sit quietly as she parallel parks. Driving simulation.
>> Topic 11 - Learning to live: basic differences between mother and wife. Online class and role-playing.
>> Topic 12 - How to be the ideal shopping companion: relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
>> Topic 13 - How to fight cerebral atrophy: remembering birthdays, anniversaries, other important dates and calling when you're going to be late. Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
>>
>> ** upon completion of the course diplomas will be issued to the survivors**

Luke

Tpoic:7

I need that class........

DC10

Touché!

100 reasons why it's good to be a bloke ...

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A week's holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Match of the Day.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Queues for the toilet are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your **** is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. People expect you to **********.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You can fart with impunity.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is L5 for a three pack.
33. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy **** every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody gives a ****.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can understand the offside rule in football.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
49. You can boast about the number of people you've slept with.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your flat if the metre reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress 1000; Morning suit hire 50.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to cop off with you.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "**** it!"
88. If an other bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. You can teach your friend's children swear words.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not inthe mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. **** movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. You can't get pregnant.

DC10

Touché!

100 reasons why it's good to be a bloke ...

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A week's holiday requires only one suitcase.
5. Match of the Day.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Queues for the toilet are 90% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
11. When channel surfing, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your **** is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
17. People expect you to **********.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You can fart with impunity.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet. Or oven.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is L5 for a three pack.
33. You understand why Beavis and Butthead is funny.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy **** every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody gives a ****.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You don't have to bother having a proper conversation with your mates down the pub.
40. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can understand the offside rule in football.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt in the rain.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough for most of your life.
49. You can boast about the number of people you've slept with.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your flat if the metre reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a toss if no one notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You can play and enjoy computer games other than Tetris.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tim Roth without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You can remember the punchlines to jokes.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress 1000; Morning suit hire 50.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. You can sit in a pub on your own without plonkers trying to cop off with you.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Stag nights are much more fun than Hen nights.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "**** it!"
88. If an other bloke shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. You can teach your friend's children swear words.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not inthe mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. **** movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. You can't get pregnant.

merkin

thats 200 reasons mate

Redkop

[Edited by Redkop - 11/29/2002 1:43:40 PM]

DC10

Things men wished women knew--

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat **** in a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put the f*cker down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Christmas, Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Anyone can buy condoms.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats.
10. Sunday = Football/Rugby/Any other sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have way too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is a **** and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than pissing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
21. Yes, No and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Now.
23. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
30. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay. Face it.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
34. Consider Sport a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logo'd t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to complain about having their ***** stared at.
36. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
37. If you want some dessert after a meal - order some. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
38. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
39. If you're on a diet it doesn't mean my meals should be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and more cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.
40. Do not question our sense of direction.