jonny gav

iTrader: (1)

1. "Fine"
This is the word women use at the end of any argument when they feel
they are right but can't stand to hear you argue any longer. It means
that you should shut up. (And NEVER use "fine" to describe how she
looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

2. "Five minutes"
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
Football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so women
feel that it's an even trade.

3. "Nothing"
Nothing" means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is
Usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down & backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine."

4. "Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, it's a dare! If you mistake it for permission,
the result will be she'll get upset over "Nothing" and you'll have a
"five-minute" discussion that will end with the word "Fine."

5. "Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows)
This is NOT permission, either. It means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in
just a few minutes, followed by Nothing" and "Fine" and she'll talk to
you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. "Loud Sigh"
Not actually a word, but still often a verbal statement. Very frequently
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are a complete
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you over "Nothing!."

7. "Soft Sigh"
Again not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the
few things that some men actually understand. It means she is
momentarily content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe in the
hope that the moment will last a bit longer.

8. "Oh"
This word, followed by any statement, is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me
get that". Or "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last
night." If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the
nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but don't expect her to talk to you
for at least 2 days.

"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in
a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get a raised
eyebrow. "Go ahead" is sometimes followed by acts so unspeakable that I
can't
bring myself to write about them.

9. "That's Okay"
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
deciding what the penalty will be for whatever you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a
raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." Once she's had time to plan it out, you're in
for some mighty big trouble.

10. "Please Do"
This is not a statement, it is an offer. The woman is giving you the
chance to come up with an excuse for what you have done. In other words,
a chance to get yourself into even more trouble. If you handle this
correctly, you should not get a "That's Okay."

11. "Thanks"
The woman is thanking you. Don't faint and don't look for hidden
meanings. Just say "you're welcome."

12. "Thanks A Lot"
Dramatically different from "Thanks." A woman will say "Thanks A Lot"
when she's really ticked off at you. Usually followed by the "Loud
Sigh." This signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way. Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
tell you "Nothing".

CrisPDuk

Ten things men know about Women:

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.


6.


7.


8.


9.


10. - They have ****

scrappydoo

Niceone guys, I just pi$$ed myself laughing. Its all so true. LOL.

Scrappy

Little Miss WRX

<Loud sigh> followed by "fine"

shunty

lads, very funny, gave me a laugh this morning

shunty

Little Miss WRX

Where were you at TOTB????

mattstant

This all way way harder than the intelligence test with the T,s Mr Gav
If anyone ever comes close to truly understanding women he should become MENSA president for life.


Matt

jonny gav

iTrader: (1)

The following are all replies that women have put on English Child SupportAgency forms in the section for listing father's details:

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by[name removed]. I am unsure as to he identity of the father of child B, butI believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this
helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I
met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number?
Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW
that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it
replaced.

5. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that it would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by my country, please advise.

6. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

7. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him
can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs ?

8. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney
maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

9. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember
for sure is Delia Smith did a programme about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at[address given] mine might have remained unfertilized.