The Great British Traffic Cop...Brow Beaten!
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01 August 2002, 06:38 PM
#3
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Just thought i would share this funny story with ya's.....
Backdrop: Had just spent 5 hours driving a rental van to move my room. Despite my best efforts and hills etc could not get this thing above 77mph. Flat out it just about did 70.
Anyway get to this island and see a police car at it. Bored out my mind doing 62 mph (slight uphill now) actively watching this police car annoy everyone by doing 65mph (limit is 70). So start picking faults in his driving.... Anyway he eventually crawls past me on outside lane and doesnt move in. Straight now and van doing a whopping 67 mph. Police car still sitting in outside lane and not moving in, i am catching him. Too cheeky to undertake him so i get near his rear bumper (in inside lane) and have to break to not overtake him since he won't move in.
Pulled over......
Cop : "I want a word with you about your driving"
Me : "Really.... i want several words with you about yours!"
(Northern Ireland sarcasm mode : ON and MAX)
a) You didnt indicate at the roundabout on your exit choice
b) You changed lanes 3 times and didnt indicate
c) You seem to think you own the outside lane and didnt move back in once finished overtaking, its an overtaking lane.
d) You crawled past me so slowly you were in my blind spot for nearly 10 seconds thats dangerous, the highway code clearly states to overtake ppl quickly and efficiently!
Now what was it you wanted to speak to me about..."
[Reaction: Shock on Cop's face, his partner stiffling a laugh, my mate pissing himself]
Cop: "You nearly undertook me, thats illegal"
Me: "Yes, due to the fact you were swanning about thinking you owned the outside lane, please move in next time when finished overtaking. As a British Traffic Policeman you should be setting an example to motorists not practising bad habits".
[His partner grinning now..]
Cop: "Do you have any ID?"
Me: "Here you go Officer"
(Suspicious now, he seems a bit upset and looking for something to hang me with)
[Officer starts looking at my vehicle - which is rented]
Me: "Please feel free to inspect the vehicle, if you find anything wrong with it i will be sure to chastise the hiring company for leasing me an unserviceable vehicle and get my 100 pounds back"
[Officer realises he fighting a losing battle]
Me: "This is all quite ironic, my normal transport is far more likely to be pulled over and you pull me over for a non event"
Cop: "Whats that Sir?"
[Evil grin spreading on his face]
(Time to think up something fast)
Me: "A Red Mitsubishi Evo, its the one that rumbles past you and nearly spills your coffee..."
Cop: " I will be seeing you around young man"
Me: "Good day Officer, i hope your driving improves before then"
[Copper goes off fuming, we **** ourselves laughing]
Footnote: I actually drive a P1, so hopefully now lots of Red Evo's will get pulled in lol, they'll be used to it from all those filling stations they visit
Backdrop: Had just spent 5 hours driving a rental van to move my room. Despite my best efforts and hills etc could not get this thing above 77mph. Flat out it just about did 70.
Anyway get to this island and see a police car at it. Bored out my mind doing 62 mph (slight uphill now) actively watching this police car annoy everyone by doing 65mph (limit is 70). So start picking faults in his driving.... Anyway he eventually crawls past me on outside lane and doesnt move in. Straight now and van doing a whopping 67 mph. Police car still sitting in outside lane and not moving in, i am catching him. Too cheeky to undertake him so i get near his rear bumper (in inside lane) and have to break to not overtake him since he won't move in.
Pulled over......
Cop : "I want a word with you about your driving"
Me : "Really.... i want several words with you about yours!"
(Northern Ireland sarcasm mode : ON and MAX)
a) You didnt indicate at the roundabout on your exit choice
b) You changed lanes 3 times and didnt indicate
c) You seem to think you own the outside lane and didnt move back in once finished overtaking, its an overtaking lane.
d) You crawled past me so slowly you were in my blind spot for nearly 10 seconds thats dangerous, the highway code clearly states to overtake ppl quickly and efficiently!
Now what was it you wanted to speak to me about..."
[Reaction: Shock on Cop's face, his partner stiffling a laugh, my mate pissing himself]
Cop: "You nearly undertook me, thats illegal"
Me: "Yes, due to the fact you were swanning about thinking you owned the outside lane, please move in next time when finished overtaking. As a British Traffic Policeman you should be setting an example to motorists not practising bad habits".
[His partner grinning now..]
Cop: "Do you have any ID?"
Me: "Here you go Officer"
(Suspicious now, he seems a bit upset and looking for something to hang me with)
[Officer starts looking at my vehicle - which is rented]
Me: "Please feel free to inspect the vehicle, if you find anything wrong with it i will be sure to chastise the hiring company for leasing me an unserviceable vehicle and get my 100 pounds back"
[Officer realises he fighting a losing battle]
Me: "This is all quite ironic, my normal transport is far more likely to be pulled over and you pull me over for a non event"
Cop: "Whats that Sir?"
[Evil grin spreading on his face]
(Time to think up something fast)
Me: "A Red Mitsubishi Evo, its the one that rumbles past you and nearly spills your coffee..."
Cop: " I will be seeing you around young man"
Me: "Good day Officer, i hope your driving improves before then"
[Copper goes off fuming, we **** ourselves laughing]
Footnote: I actually drive a P1, so hopefully now lots of Red Evo's will get pulled in lol, they'll be used to it from all those filling stations they visit
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01 August 2002, 07:12 PM
#9
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That is hands down THE best story in a long time mate.
I had a *very* close call with the law not too long ago...it included me in the silver one, me mate in his 500 hp escort, and a few rozzers we passed at a "secret" speed...
We didn't see the rozzers in Q, and went for a service stop...
I dunno what pee'd off the constables more, the fact that they couldn't prove anything, or that their Volvo T5's couldn't keep up.
I was *NOT* too cocky I might add - I thought he was going to use the nightstick on me.
I just tried to stay calm and claim that we've been travelling at the stated speed limit.
I'm not too proud over that ickle episode as I do try to behave, but when that cossie shot a few flames all common sense went out the window.
/J
I had a *very* close call with the law not too long ago...it included me in the silver one, me mate in his 500 hp escort, and a few rozzers we passed at a "secret" speed...
We didn't see the rozzers in Q, and went for a service stop...
I dunno what pee'd off the constables more, the fact that they couldn't prove anything, or that their Volvo T5's couldn't keep up.
I was *NOT* too cocky I might add - I thought he was going to use the nightstick on me.
I just tried to stay calm and claim that we've been travelling at the stated speed limit.
I'm not too proud over that ickle episode as I do try to behave, but when that cossie shot a few flames all common sense went out the window.
/J
02 August 2002, 06:46 AM
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undertaking: I totally understand the undertaking rule but when u get people who persist in sitting in the outside lane doing 50-60 in a 70 zone wot r u supposed to do.
That is one of the biggest things that P's me off.
good 1 m8, pays to no ur rights and have the ***** to say it
That is one of the biggest things that P's me off.
good 1 m8, pays to no ur rights and have the ***** to say it
02 August 2002, 07:46 AM
#21
Scooby Regular
ROFL
I got pulled by a copper years ago who was travelling in the opposite direction because he said I was dazzling him.
I pointed out I was flashing him because he only had one headlamp working......
He went and looked, bashed the headlamp which made no difference, and buggered off muttering to himself, me peeing myself
I got pulled by a copper years ago who was travelling in the opposite direction because he said I was dazzling him.
I pointed out I was flashing him because he only had one headlamp working......
He went and looked, bashed the headlamp which made no difference, and buggered off muttering to himself, me peeing myself
02 August 2002, 08:09 AM
#22
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Love this story!
PMSL!
About time that traffic realised that they have to follow the same rules we do unless the have the Blues and Twos going!
I was driving to work and managed to get in between three area cars (1 in frint 2 behind).
I was sandwiched all the way through the village and into the next town at the point I indicated to go right the police car in front and behind turned there lights on.
I got out of the car to be told they were pulling me over becuase I had been speeding.
Impossible I said, I never even touched 30 (second gear, got to love it).
I was told they had police cars and they new what speed I was doing.
At this point I decided to point things out to them:
Car in front kept pulling away and then slowing down, easily going over 30mph at times and it felt like he was trying to get me to race. Incitment to speed.
The car behind be was so close only when I braked gently and he over-reacted I could see his lights. Dangerous driving, incitement to speed.
Both of them from what I had seen never once indicated for the four roundabouts we had gone through. Undue care and attention.
They also had area cars that don't have calibrated speedos and there was only one occupant per vehicle, not corroberating witness.
They got a bit shirty at this so I offered to drive to the police station with them, where we could talk about this further with the officer in charge.
Now they suddenly seemed to think that I might not have been speeding!
Still like the one when I got pulled for "sounding like I was breaking the speed limit" and then asked for the MOT certifcate on a "Y" plated car. The passenger of the police car even looked confused at that one!
PMSL!
About time that traffic realised that they have to follow the same rules we do unless the have the Blues and Twos going!
I was driving to work and managed to get in between three area cars (1 in frint 2 behind).
I was sandwiched all the way through the village and into the next town at the point I indicated to go right the police car in front and behind turned there lights on.
I got out of the car to be told they were pulling me over becuase I had been speeding.
Impossible I said, I never even touched 30 (second gear, got to love it).
I was told they had police cars and they new what speed I was doing.
At this point I decided to point things out to them:
Car in front kept pulling away and then slowing down, easily going over 30mph at times and it felt like he was trying to get me to race. Incitment to speed.
The car behind be was so close only when I braked gently and he over-reacted I could see his lights. Dangerous driving, incitement to speed.
Both of them from what I had seen never once indicated for the four roundabouts we had gone through. Undue care and attention.
They also had area cars that don't have calibrated speedos and there was only one occupant per vehicle, not corroberating witness.
They got a bit shirty at this so I offered to drive to the police station with them, where we could talk about this further with the officer in charge.
Now they suddenly seemed to think that I might not have been speeding!
Still like the one when I got pulled for "sounding like I was breaking the speed limit" and then asked for the MOT certifcate on a "Y" plated car. The passenger of the police car even looked confused at that one!
02 August 2002, 09:22 AM
#26
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Brilliant story
Like the coppers who pulled me over saying they were doing over 70 and couldn't catch me (cough )... I was driving so fast that the two cyclists who I passed were so concerned, they flagged down the police car to tell them.
"Oh, you mean the two cyclists 23 yards in front of the bridge who I clocked 50 yards previously and gave as wide a berth as possible as I passed them at 10 mph? So you talked to them and then caught me up?? I don't think so (not said quite so sarcastically!)"
I was then asked if I was always so polite at this time of night (it was 2 a.m.)!
Jokers
Like the coppers who pulled me over saying they were doing over 70 and couldn't catch me (cough
)... I was driving so fast that the two cyclists who I passed were so concerned, they flagged down the police car to tell them."Oh, you mean the two cyclists 23 yards in front of the bridge who I clocked 50 yards previously and gave as wide a berth as possible as I passed them at 10 mph? So you talked to them and then caught me up?? I don't think so (not said quite so sarcastically!)"
I was then asked if I was always so polite at this time of night (it was 2 a.m.)!
Jokers
