ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Anyone work with/have one as a family member.

I'm lucky enough to have both

Currently now embroiled in a heated discussion with one because someone put a post up on facebook (not by me) and the narcissist thinks (as they would) its about them (its not), and now want me to do something about it because it's down to me (its not, but try convincing them that ).

I'm laughing about it because it's something so silly and childish (kicking off after reading facebook). And more serious stuff has happened without a hint of a reaction.

All mind games, but seriously it's bloody exhausting pandering to their tune and engineering discussion so it lets them decide or believe they are right all of the time.

Anyone care to share?

Be it stories, methods to appease or drive them nuts. The latter is easy, I've mastered that as an artforn The former is not so easy.

lozgti1

Not helpful but I love that Carly Simon song with it's classic line "You're so vain,you probly think this song is about you " lol

Mad people are very difficult to appease ,sadly

dpb

You cant really let the psychos ( natural ones) have it all their own way , forever anyway

have to let them go every so often - its good for them

madwrx

iTrader: (2)

a close family member is a spectacular example -always turning every discussion, argument,joke,or banter into a long drawn out incessant self pitying tirade -if your not talking about them then its "boring" -
when she walks into the room any normal discussion quickly drys up -she always sways every single conversation towards her,

outwardly(to non family members) she looks like the perfect parent ,mother,nanny, friend untill your backs turned.after that its all bile and ****e from her gob,really hard to explain unless you,ve been round her...once you do know her you would never dream of discussing any single private thoughts or secrets with her,she will simply tell every single person she sees with her unique slant on it,always to make you pity or empathise with her "feelings"

jonc

See plenty in the news, many of the bourgeois celebrity elites are habitual narcissists and crave attention and admiration with their protests and faux outrage. It's Oscar season and many are using whatever platform they can as a way to vent their spleen. Trashing Trump is the latest fashion to show that they can "connect" with the public in general before they go back to their walled and gated 12 bed mansion. What they don't seem to realise or forget is that whilst the espouse the benefits of living in a democracy, they are against their own democratically elected president. Most, if not all, also got to where they are today with the same capitalist values as Trump. Take Shia LaBeouf, he's even setup his own anti-Trump installation and uses his status to behave like a self aggrandising tw@t. It's open season for the "HEY! LOOK AT ME NOW!" narcissist.

dpb

Yes that's all pretty nauseating

stealthbomber

iTrader: (3)

I think we have the same mother in law! Never before have I come across and had to deal with someone like mine. Makes mine and the majority of her own family's blood boil. Waste of air.

fpan

iTrader: (11)

I am not sure if this falls under the narcissist category (in love with themselves), sounds more like paranoia to me but I could be wrong.

I've experienced the latter in a family member and it's not pleasant. There is not a lot one can do to convince people who suffer from it that things aren't the way they see them

I tried to adapt a 'don't care' attitude in order not to be upset myself but it's not easy.

If you don't agree with them their argument is that you don't care about them, it's a really difficult situation to be in. I've tried asking them to seek help but this doesn't work unless the person wants to help themselves. It's hurting and upsetting at the same time and I don't know what's best to do...

johned

i find that being a misanthrope helps.

wayne9t9

Just smile and nod.

dpb

vbdfkj,vjczz

Rusti

iTrader: (4)

Society in the case of wannabe celebrities pander to it, just making it worse. All these reality TV shows full of attention grabbing morons are allowing people to make a living out of it!

njkmrs

Please stop discussing my personal business to all and sundry...!
I am so superior I shall ignore any peasant like talk from you and your inferior mates on here.
Huh.....
Gutter people...

SWRTWannabe

I thought the thread was about dafodils.

wayne9t9

You must be thinking of aspersions.

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Nightmare!

I've been caught in the middle of similar situations, certainly what goes on behind closed doors in private and in front of "the mates down the pub" are two polar opposites.

Also I've noted with narcissists, how you end up being treated depends greatly on their own confidence and competence. Sure, they always have to be in charge and have the final say on everything and that's fine if they have the confidence and ability on the job in hand. But as soon as they get involved in something they have no confidence in or limited ability/knowledge its all turns sour; Off loading the task onto someone else, or worse doing nothing about it then blame shifting and throwing tantrums when it goes wrong.

Currently my grandmother in a home after being booted out of hospital too early (lung infection+sepsis), and things ain't great. Usual story of old people being written off by our care systems. So we as a family are running around trying to sort out stuff (I'm currently getting her flat re-decorated and also sorting out the downstairs bedroom so she can recover at my house (dorma bungalow; so few steps=wheelchair friendly) as the nursing home are failing her miserably and she's still too ill to go back home.

This is all going ok, considering the circumstances until whenever the Narcissist sticks their oar in. For example, the first thing they said upon hearing the news? "Oh, I'm not well either" Seriously? You have sepsis too? Then its a barrage of opinions of what "I" should do (because they don't want to do it or help) You need to this, You need to do that. Are you doing this? And I say "so, what are you doing to help?" And the answer is "I'm giving you the advice". Really? Thank you very much. Then they later throw a tantrum because I'm to busy, preoccupied, tired and not exactly well myself either (lost 10kg but still eating like a horse ) to pay them any attention they crave. Good god get a life!

That's just a snippet of the past few weeks.

Turbohot

There's always one or even more in the family or in the close circle. But for me, it makes me reflect on myself whether I'm a narcissist if I keep finding faults in others, or pay too much attention to the one spotted narcissist, and think that he/she is the super twisted being and I'm so much more fantastic in compare. This reflection makes the process fair IMO.

I must say that when there are unreasonable people in the close family, it's very hard to tell them to **** off. One must vent out in other circles or even to your cushion or your moggies, or you'd go mad in similar or different ways.

ALi-B

iTrader: (1)

Biting my tongue is the usual course of action, just to keep the peace.

But sometimes it may get too much and I may employ a little passive aggression. Can backfire though so any intentional action needs to be premeditated, which is almost as bad as being a narcissist.

Best one is just distancing myself, then they drive themselves crazy thinking I'm up to something and coming up with wild conspiracies to try and rationalise it. When in truth I'm just not including them on anything and nothing more because I simply can't be bothered with dealing with them.

Turbohot

I wish I were like you. I can't do passive aggression. I can take the sh7t for so long, but then I have to be honest with them, tell them as it is, perhaps with the active assertion that may look like blazing aggression to the opposite party, and distance myself from them. Basically, I have the 'back off!' policy for both parties involved i.e. them and me, and 'no more sh7t taking' policy for just me.

I totally agree that it's extremely important to distance yourself from the people that wreck your head, cause emotional mess, negativity and destruction. One should seek company of constructive and positive people. Having to bear the interaction with the toxic people only corrodes you, no matter how close they are to you. IMO.

DTB

There's one in my family also, but unfortunately her narcissism is fuelled by her husband so it just elevates the whole situation from the fantastic to the surreal. The only reason that she ever enquires about anyone else's welfare is to create the opportunity to speak about herself even more. And if people don't regularly ask how she is, she will feign concern that she has done something to upset them thereby engineering a situation where people will feel obliged to say that, why of course they're not avoiding her - and ask how she is, etc. Pathetic really.

CrisPDuk

Works for me too