scooby k

Hi all

Bit of a random question to ask, I'm in my late 20's and most people my age are getting married now.

I was actually planning on being single rest of my life as I have always seen the bad side of relationships which put me off.

However lately I'm started to think maybe marriage and kids are a good idea, being single may have it drawbacks when I'm 40/50 years old and nobody is around me as people have moved on which is already happening now.

What's your opinions on this.

ZANY

Only you know whats right and when and who and don't matter what others around you are doing with their lives it's what you want to do with yours pal

As far as a partner is concerned don't jump the gun my advice if you can wake up next to each other and live with each other's habits through the boring and hard times as life is not always a party and a holiday but bills and rent you'll be ok and if you do have kids be a man and take responsibility regardless of how it is with your partner you don't have to be married to have a good life partner neither

Just my 29o's worth

scooby k

The I understand just because you see other people married, does not always mean they are, can't see what's going on behind the scenes.

I know there will be ups and downs, but I think it's nice to have a soul mate to share them with, help each other grow.

RAGGY DOO

iTrader: (1)

Dear Deirdre this place is not

ZANY

U think right my freind and you won't go wrong with that thinking of yours

RAGGY DOO

iTrader: (1)

Next up a gender confused wolf
Jerry Jerry Jerry

LSherratt

iTrader: (1)

I'm 26, getting married in April. Wish me luck

Kids..... in a few years and we're both on the same wavelength with that. Every young couple I see with kids are skint and we both don't want to rush into that. We'd rather enjoy more of life a bit without the hassle of kids yet. Having a dog is enough!

Been with her for almost 5 years now.

scooby k

Congratz, it's nice that you are getting married at such a young age.

I'm 28 so gotta start moving fast before I'm too old and too late.
Although in the last few years I never really came across anyone I liked, being on concentrated on cars more may have been the problem too but I'm slowly falling out with the car scene thing now anyways.

LSherratt

iTrader: (1)

Cheers. Although to be honest, these days I don't think 26 is "such a young age" to be getting married. What bothers me a lot is the amount of single parents anywhere from the age of 18-25. It's quite sad that statistics show that there are going to be more kids with single parents than with a married Mother and Father. I reckon 26 is a fairly normal age for marriage particularly as we're sensible, I.e no kids, not rushed anything, live together, dog together, been together 5 years.

Honestly though, I wasn't even particularly fussed about getting married as I was happy and contempt the way we were but I knew she wanted it. Obviously I do as well but I still would have been happy to plod along unmarried. Hopefully getting married won't change anything and it should just feel as normal. If things change then you need to start to worry! I have 2 friends my age who have married and they both say that it has made no difference/just feels the same and in my opinion that's a good thing.

BoozyDave

iTrader: (8)

It depends how YOU feel about it, if people say you should settle down and you're not ready for it, it won't work or might not be easy If you stay single until 40 and decide to find a wife and settle down, just think about the selection of females that will be avaliable, local bike/divorced/separated/kids/kids by different men (not bad things). All the good women will be taken

I had a couple of girlfriends, I knew while I was with the last one she wasn't 'the one'. Then one night in the pub [when I was 18], I saw a lass and thought 'she's well fit!'. We got talking about answers to the pop quiz (she must have thought I was daft with some of the songs I 'didn't know' (some weeks I got every answer, but still went over and swapped answers).
We started going out the following month and I just knew she was 'the one', the next year we rented a house and moved in together. The following year we got married, she was 19 and I was 20.

That was 19 years ago and we are still as happy as ever and are soul mates

We didn't have kids straight away, I didn't feel ready for kids. So we waited for a few years and the money situation got better due to finishing my apprentiship. We started trying for kids after our 5th anniversary (we went to the Dominican Republic and had to take tablets and the wife would be at risk if she was pregnant). Our eldest lad turned 13 today

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

And is as black as the ace of spades, but it's nice that it doesn't bother you.

Dblock

Don't do it breh.

Marriage (not always) is a way for your future wife to own you. She will only marry you because you are a utility for her. You will provide and protect her and treat her nice and all that jazz. For that you will get sex (maybe) then she will have kids. She will keep pushing you to make more money buy a better house etc etc as she want's the good life. And if you think wait a minute I'm getting shafted here then your going to lose your kids and half your stuff. Some women only want to get married once they have ridden the carousel and think you will do.

Look at Johnny Depp and his ex mrs and Brad Pitt.

Men can stay fertile way way later than women can. So if your 50 I'm sure you could still bag a hot 25-30 year old if your rich and still look decent. Men age like wine, woman like milk.

This isn't for all people though there are many many exceptions. Also I've never been married or anything so I'm not bitter or anything lol.

David Lock

You don't actually say whether you are male of female but I assume a straight guy. I have old fashioned views but 40 years of marriage and 2 fantastic kids has given me some thoughts on this subject. But is a very personal matter so far be it for me to suggest a right or wrong answer.


However it seems to me that we are designed to be happier with a partner whether straight or gay. To me having kids was pure icing on the cake and I have no regrets about the sacrifices we made to bring them up.


I'd go far as to say that the whole point of being on this planet is to procreate and keep the human race viable.


You will feel increasingly isolated if you are on your own and having a supportive family around is wonderful. I am on my own now so I know.


But you need to wait until you find someone that you truly love but you are lucky you have time on your side as 40 year old marries 28 year old chick is quite acceptable but not usually the other way round.


Don't get lonely, it's horribly depressing. Good luck dl

harry007

For me personally, its a measure of progress in life. We can all work and obtain things that are materialistic and sometimes have no meaning. But have a partner, being married, having children, they are after all a part of you. Family is growing, anything you have can at least be shared and enjoyed with your family. Its only natural to get settled down and have a family. I think without that, life would be empty. You can only enjoy so much on your own.

H

scooby k

I'm a male offcourse, if I was a female, bet you guys would start proposing to me already being a girl a on a car forum : ) ha ha ha.




To be honest I would like to have kids, think they are amazing and couldn't think of anything else better to spend time on at my growing age. Feels like it's the second journey of where life stars IMO after being a teenager/ education etc.

Peedee

iTrader: (4)

I'm 33 now (closer to 34), and I have absolutely no intention of having kids or getting married. I think marriage is an utterly pointless practice. I've seen so many blokes get taken to the cleaners and lose everything from divorce, even when it's the woman who has been the naughty one. You don't need to get married to show someone you love them.

Kids is a different one. I certainly can understand that folk want kids, that's cool, but it's just not for me personally. I like to do what I want, when I want and how I want to, and if I had kids, I couldn't do that anymore. Saying that, it's not as if I even want them. The world is a pretty rubbish place, I would want to bring any kids into the world. I also absolutely love my own company and doing things on my own too. I am an only child so I think it stems from that.

Just my 10p worth lol

scooby k

to be honest I used to think like that exactly before, but the thought of being alone has started to terrify me lately, I have come across lot of bad relationships, seeing other people suffer. No matter what you do in life and how careful you try to be, problems will come for you no matter what.


To be honest there is also so much you can do by yourself, I prefer having people around me to enjoy times like watching films etc. Having wife and kids seems like a nice responsibility to have at this age.

stilover

I'm 42. Never been married, and never want kids.

Marriage. Easy to do, expensive to get out of when it all goes wrong. Far better to just live with someone. If after many years together you both decide it's not right, then it's easy to go separate ways (unless joint mortgage).

I knew in my early teens I never wanted kids. Yes, over the years some relationships have ended due to my unwillingness to start a family. I've always made it clear of my desire not to have kids at the start of any relationship. That way I'm honest from the start.

Luckily I'm now with someone who has no interest in children herself.

LSherratt

iTrader: (1)

I can't imagine myself on a Saturday evening watching Xfactor all by myself. Thank goodness I can watch it with my partner, cider in hand and the log burner going with the dog curled up by our feet . I don't want to ruin that *yet* with the crying of a baby

rossyboy

iTrader: (8)

I'm 40 next month and have never at any point wanted kids. I've been with my partner (not married - no kids, so no point being married) since I was 23 though and would hate to live alone. It would all seem a bit pointless doing stuff like holidays by myself.

BoozyDave

iTrader: (8)

FPMSL 😁

Dblock

Also remember if you live with someone for long enough they still have "rights" of a married couple. Not worth the hassle for most people but if your wealthy something to consider.

john banks

Last reasons for wife and/or kids is because everyone else is doing it or you feel you should because of loneliness or age. Those reasons all are a possible recipe to be broke, lonely, guilty and sad.

DOI, 42, happily married 19 years, cat, no kids through choice.

Japanese trends, since we are on a Japanese car site, are very interesting in this respect. Lots of men and women remaining virgins or using the sex industry. Men opting out of being company men like their fathers.

All I see is mainly miserable parents. No justification for having kids to populate the earth these days. Most parents have to rationalise their decision or accident to themselves and others. It is a sacrifice obviously. Cue angry parents.

All depends on preference. Also consider if you are an introvert or extrovert.

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

Problem is that when you are in your 20's you dont really give much thought to what life might be like 20 years on down the line, or at least I didn't.

I met a crazy girl celebrating her 18th birthday on a night out in Galway when I was 18, my first son was a by-product of that drink fuelled shagathon - he is 23 now - long story. When she an I split up 7 years later, I was determined I wasn't going through that again - women would be a commodity, and precautions would be taken - by precautions I mean make sure I witheld my number if I called them and dont give out my real name!

As I edged towards 30 I settled into a comfortably single situation, with no plans to be married or in any kind of long term relationship. I was absolutely comfortable with this - I worked long hours, earned some money, bought a nice house, nice cars and went on 2 or 3 holidays a year. This all changed in October 2006, when my company sent me on a training course - I walked into the training room late, and the trainer thought she would reprimand me for being late - she has been reprimanding me for the last 10 years for being late for just about everything. She moved in with me in January 2007, her dad died 11 days later, my dad died 10 months after that. We married on her birthday in 2008 and our twins were born in June 2010 and there has been a hell of a lot has happened both good and bad in between.

My point is you can't plan any of this, fate, karma, pre-destination, coincidence, witchcraft or whatever you want to call it will take you where it wants to. Live life, be yourself, do what makes you happy; dont obscess about getting married and having kids, and equally don't obscess about not having those things in your life. Personally where I am now is not where I wanted to be 10 years ago, and definately not what I envisioned 20 years ago. I have been financially better off but, have I ever been happier, more content, satisfied with life than I am now? no is the honest answer to that.

scooby k

That's an amazing story, sounds like you had quite the journey in life.

True what you say though, things will come when the time is right I suppose.

Dblock

Yes the Japanese Herbivores are an Eastern version of MGTOW.

Turbohot

Good people for adopting a cat , cats are just adorable! But what does DOI mean up there? You surely don't mean 'digital object identifier'.

Jamz3k

I've had many disasterous relationships over the past few years and I don't think I could be bothered with another. I'm not happy being single but I think I'd be less happy in a relationship. I'm 30 and 30year old single women are bat**** crazy or have kids, interested in neither tbh.

As for actually having kids, i would like my own but if it doesn't happen by 35, I don't wish it to happen as I don't want to be too old by the time they are adults themselves.

tarmac terror

iTrader: (2)

I would have thought getting rid of that red, Italian, heap of $hit would have been the end of a disasterous relationship!

Hope you are well young man

john banks

Sorry I hate TLAs too, especially when ambiguous.

Declaration Of Interest.