Suicide in Men- Don't bottle it up
16 February 2015, 12:59 PM
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Suicide in Men- Don't bottle it up
We have had a suicide of a young male neighbour bang in the middle of our locality over the weekend, so one can imagine what it must have been like for everyone in our little village.
I suggest to all men here (as this place has a majority of men) that as the suicide rate in the UK is very high among men in general, that if ever, please do not bottle it up. Instead get help. Talk to your family and friends, see your doctor and access therapies- anything. May your reasons be physical, practical or emotional to feel so low, don't let your low moods beat you. Your life is too precious, and things do get better of you give them time. You leave your family, friends and many other people surviving in a living hell if you escape your life like that.
That was the Valentine's weekend like, this end. Trying to make sense of the happening, and checking with the neighbours if they were alright. A lot of them are still in shock.
Anyway, NEVER give up. Not that you do not know that, but this incident makes it essential for me to say this to all men again.
I suggest to all men here (as this place has a majority of men) that as the suicide rate in the UK is very high among men in general, that if ever, please do not bottle it up. Instead get help. Talk to your family and friends, see your doctor and access therapies- anything. May your reasons be physical, practical or emotional to feel so low, don't let your low moods beat you. Your life is too precious, and things do get better of you give them time. You leave your family, friends and many other people surviving in a living hell if you escape your life like that.
That was the Valentine's weekend like, this end. Trying to make sense of the happening, and checking with the neighbours if they were alright. A lot of them are still in shock.
Anyway, NEVER give up. Not that you do not know that, but this incident makes it essential for me to say this to all men again.
Last edited by Turbohot; 16 February 2015 at 03:04 PM.
16 February 2015, 01:08 PM
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Not that i'm in whitby now but we had one on sunday trying to jump of the main bridge and main road he never did.The cliffs in whitby have had many jumps, now they have put up stickers saying oh just before you end your life call us please samaritans.Sometimes it works but if you want to end your life you will just do that.
Ain't you full of beans today miss swati
Ain't you full of beans today miss swati
16 February 2015, 01:15 PM
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16 February 2015, 01:48 PM
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We have had a suicide of a young male neighbour bang in the middle of our locality over the weekend, so one can imagine what it must have been like for everyone our little village.
I suggest to all men here (as this place has a majority of men) that as the suicide rate in the UK is very high among men in general, that if ever, please do not bottle it up. Instead get help. Talk to your family and friends, see your doctor and access therapies- anything. May your reasons be physical, practical or emotional to feel so low, don't let your low moods beat you. Your life is too precious, and things do get better of you give them time. You leave your family, friends and many other people surviving in a living hell if you escape your life like that.
That was the Valentine's weekend like, this end. Trying to make sense of the happening, and checking with the neighbours if they were alright. A lot of them are still in shock.
Anyway, NEVER give up. Not that you do not know that, but this incident makes it essential for me to say this to all men again.
I suggest to all men here (as this place has a majority of men) that as the suicide rate in the UK is very high among men in general, that if ever, please do not bottle it up. Instead get help. Talk to your family and friends, see your doctor and access therapies- anything. May your reasons be physical, practical or emotional to feel so low, don't let your low moods beat you. Your life is too precious, and things do get better of you give them time. You leave your family, friends and many other people surviving in a living hell if you escape your life like that.
That was the Valentine's weekend like, this end. Trying to make sense of the happening, and checking with the neighbours if they were alright. A lot of them are still in shock.
Anyway, NEVER give up. Not that you do not know that, but this incident makes it essential for me to say this to all men again.
Good call there mate. We're all programmed to just get on with life, but not everybody's that thick. What harm can talking do?
16 February 2015, 01:57 PM
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Correct, Alan. No harm. They must talk if something is bothering them. Macho sayings such as 'Boys don't cry' or 'you're a flippin' puddy cat if you whinge' etc. don't help at all. They're worthless masculine conditions of worth. Boys should cry, if they need to. It's no good letting something just build up and up, and then giving the precious life up like that.
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16 February 2015, 02:56 PM
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A classmate of my daughters, only last week threw himself under a train
http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Fune...ail/story.html
http://www.cambridge-news.co.uk/Fune...ail/story.html
Very unfortunate, hodgy.
In this day and age, a lot of children in general as young as 12 and younger are depressed and even suicidal these days. Many children as young as 12 have attempted suicide already, and some are regularly self-harming to cope with the pressure they're under. Factors can be any, many or all (may they be situational, genetic/biological/physiological, psychological or environmental), but one of the things with males is that they find it difficult to share their troubles among their settings, and if they do, they're told to man up. This starts for them from a very young age, and continues throughout their life.
There should be more Government funded early intervention and prevention measures for mental illness/mental distress, but we, as a society, can help as well, rather than waiting for any other help until it's too late for many. With this high rate of male suicide in the UK, whole society needs to be warned and change the attitude towards what's excepted from/of a man. We need to encourage men to be humans rather than continue to condition them as 'hard men', accept that to ourselves and hearten them to accept it to themselves.
16 February 2015, 10:50 PM
#9
Correct, Alan. No harm. They must talk if something is bothering them. Macho sayings such as 'Boys don't cry' or 'you're a flippin' puddy cat if you whinge' etc. don't help at all. They're worthless masculine conditions of worth. Boys should cry, if they need to. It's no good letting something just build up and up, and then giving the precious life up like that.
Some people can sail through life, genuinely never seeming bothered by what life throws at them, and that is fine, but not everyone is made that way, and there is no shame in that, man or woman. Men should feel free to talk about problems as you say, without fear of what you mention above.
As much as I feel the last part is important, I also feel that those who fit into the former group should not make others feel they are a lesser person if they can't do that, which sadly happens. Maybe better use that 'strength' to support those who need it, rather than belittle or criticise.
16 February 2015, 10:55 PM
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Lol, I cry at the drop of a hat
In fact my wife often says to me, if we are discussing somthing vaguely emotional - often a happy emotional story, usually children involved
"Are you crying"
At which my eldest children start laughing at me
I can cry just listening to music lol
In fact my wife often says to me, if we are discussing somthing vaguely emotional - often a happy emotional story, usually children involved
"Are you crying"
At which my eldest children start laughing at me
I can cry just listening to music lol
16 February 2015, 11:30 PM
#11
Lol, I cry at the drop of a hat
In fact my wife often says to me, if we are discussing somthing vaguely emotional - often a happy emotional story, usually children involved
"Are you crying"
At which my eldest children start laughing at me
I can cry just listening to music lol
In fact my wife often says to me, if we are discussing somthing vaguely emotional - often a happy emotional story, usually children involved
"Are you crying"
At which my eldest children start laughing at me
I can cry just listening to music lol
Possibly strangely though, I very rarely open up to anyone about me stuff, talking wise.
16 February 2015, 11:34 PM
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Talk people, I'm burying one cousin on Wednesday and another on Saturday due to suicide. Brings the total to 5 of my family who've departed this way in 2 years.
17 February 2015, 01:37 AM
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Lol, I cry at the drop of a hat
In fact my wife often says to me, if we are discussing somthing vaguely emotional - often a happy emotional story, usually children involved
"Are you crying"
At which my eldest children start laughing at me
I can cry just listening to music lol
In fact my wife often says to me, if we are discussing somthing vaguely emotional - often a happy emotional story, usually children involved
"Are you crying"
At which my eldest children start laughing at me
I can cry just listening to music lol
Good on you, hodgy. Express it if you feel it.
Quite rightly we remain the in-charge of our own, personal stuff, and we will be selective of the people who we open up to. We may rightfully decide not to ever open up about everything. However, if that personal stuff is causing us unbearable emotional pain, it's a good idea to talk it through with someone that we can trust.
A lot of people prefer a complete stranger to open up to, who won't judge them, won't spread their stuff among others, won't ridicule them for their troubles and be there for them at the other end of the phone line. Organisation like CALM, HOPEline (both targeted to young men), Samaritans, Mind (both for anyone) etc. have trained listeners, and it doesn't even cost more than a phone call max. People need to use all that to talk about what's troubling them.
Very sorry to hear about your losses to suicide, piehole1983. Yes, talking is important. No one has to suffer in silence.
17 February 2015, 01:54 AM
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There's a guy who has written about his experience of jumping off from some serious height with the intention to die. He writes that half way through the jump he wanted to go against the gravity and be pulled back to the platform of life he was leaving behind. He did hit the ground very hard, broke himself quite badly but miraculously survived to pen down his experience. Apparently his story has made a lot of suicidal people think again.
17 February 2015, 08:10 AM
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17 February 2015, 10:51 AM
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The first one, I've no explanation for as the details of letter left behind was kept secret by her daughter. The rest bar one were a result of the first one happening right up until yesterday morning. It's literally been a case of them killing themselves because they can't live with the previous suicide. The one on its own was an illness that couldn't be cured and they needed a fair amount of care. They thought it would be less of a burden if they were gone, and so they departed. This is what was in the letter left behind.
I was at 3 funerals in 2 weeks when that started in 2012 and now I've got 1 tomorrow of a 45 year old father of 3 and another on Saturday of a 21 year old girl, who's father killed himself in 2012 (it was his birthday on Sunday). We can only assume that's why she did it.
I was at 3 funerals in 2 weeks when that started in 2012 and now I've got 1 tomorrow of a 45 year old father of 3 and another on Saturday of a 21 year old girl, who's father killed himself in 2012 (it was his birthday on Sunday). We can only assume that's why she did it.
17 February 2015, 10:55 AM
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Good thread Lady.
I know my trade farming has lots of suicides, and l suspect that can extend to all small business with no exceptions being made to any walk of life but I see quite often on telly people talking about lives being lost as a result of social media.
I do wounder if it's getting worse, it should be getting better with people having access to so many others and information although it would seem rather than taking the opportunity of using the net to save lives is used to bully.
I know my trade farming has lots of suicides, and l suspect that can extend to all small business with no exceptions being made to any walk of life but I see quite often on telly people talking about lives being lost as a result of social media.
I do wounder if it's getting worse, it should be getting better with people having access to so many others and information although it would seem rather than taking the opportunity of using the net to save lives is used to bully.
17 February 2015, 01:27 PM
#19
There should be more Government funded early intervention and prevention measures for mental illness/mental distress, but we, as a society, can help as well, rather than waiting for any other help until it's too late for many. With this high rate of male suicide in the UK, whole society needs to be warned and change the attitude towards what's excepted from/of a man. We need to encourage men to be humans rather than continue to condition them as 'hard men', accept that to ourselves and hearten them to accept it to themselves.
Adults support in many areas is lacking - not suicide in itself, but the in underlying mental health problems that often lead up to it.
Whilst we have a NHS that pays for cosmetic sugery, gastric bands for fatties and pumps out binge drinkers everyweekend we can easily see where money is spent and taking presidence to proper mental health care.
17 February 2015, 07:52 PM
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Yes. Researchers put down the presence of psychiatric disorder (mainly a depressive one), relationship problems, isolation, occupational difficulties, physical illness etc. as the reasons for this. Easy access to the methods is classed as an enabling factor.
Basically, suicide attempter or a doer is taken as someone as a psychiatric disorder patient, because the thought is that no people with right mind make an attempt to kill themselves or kill themselves. What's thought is that people with right mind know how to cope. Even just the suicide contemplators can have a psychiatric disorder label pasted on their head. I disagree with that. Instead, I'd say that no one 'in' right mind does suicide. 'With' has a sense of permanency, and yes, 'with' cases do exist, and they may be at the risk forever and under psychiatric radar for the rest of their life. 'In' cases have a potential to change, if they're still just about surviving. These 'in' cases also exist. Not every farmer is suffering from a psychiatric disorder to be depressed. Most regular people with 'right mind' will experience a quake beneath their feet if they are affected with the reasons stated above. If these reasons are well-attended and helped with, there's a strong possibility to prevent suicides not just with the 'in' ones but also with the 'with' ones. That's regardless of the access to any methods of doing a suicide. But in order to get the reasons attended and helped with, one needs to start talking.
Farmers suicide rates are the highest of any occupation all over the world:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/terezi...b_5610279.html
From the link above:
In the U.S. the rate of farmer suicides is just under two times that of the general population. In the U.K. one farmer a week commits suicide. In China, farmers are killing themselves daily to protest the government taking over their prime agricultural lands for urbanization. In France, a farmer dies by suicide every two days. Australia reports one farmer suicides every four days. India yearly reports more than 17,627 farmer suicides. -- Newsweek 2014
17 February 2015, 07:56 PM
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I agree - the level of mental health care and support in the UK is attrocious. Especially adults. Kids seem to get fairly good support once they get on the radar, but to get on the radar usually require a drastic action to get someones attention - suicide being one.
Adults support in many areas is lacking - not suicide in itself, but the in underlying mental health problems that often lead up to it.
Adults support in many areas is lacking - not suicide in itself, but the in underlying mental health problems that often lead up to it.
Whilst we have a NHS that pays for cosmetic sugery, gastric bands for fatties and pumps out binge drinkers everyweekend we can easily see where money is spent and taking presidence to proper mental health care.
17 February 2015, 08:12 PM
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Apparently 19,000 in 2010.
Apparently 14,000 in 2011.
If one moves further and back a bit, and takes the account of the annual stats for those years and gets an average, over 17,000 might be just about right.
A BBC link related to the problem:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21077458
Apparently 14,000 in 2011.
If one moves further and back a bit, and takes the account of the annual stats for those years and gets an average, over 17,000 might be just about right.
A BBC link related to the problem:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21077458
17 February 2015, 10:30 PM
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Its a horrible thing suicide more so for the ones left behind.
I am from a small town called Fort William and it seems like its a monthly occurrence for someone I know that has decided the only way out is to commit suicide, its a horrendous situation for any family and friends to deal with.
I have a funeral on Friday to attend for the most recent one, my best mates little cousin and the whole family is in bits over it.
I am from a small town called Fort William and it seems like its a monthly occurrence for someone I know that has decided the only way out is to commit suicide, its a horrendous situation for any family and friends to deal with.
I have a funeral on Friday to attend for the most recent one, my best mates little cousin and the whole family is in bits over it.
17 February 2015, 11:01 PM
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Oh i see, iv only been once when my gran lived in Kilmacolm , probably mid seventies
On our way to Mallaig , awesome
Sorry for your losses
On our way to Mallaig , awesome
Sorry for your losses
Last edited by dpb; 18 February 2015 at 12:18 AM.
18 February 2015, 12:16 AM
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Well l once spoke to a psychiatrist (my mum) and we were talking about people committing suicide. l had said something along the lines of them being weak minded to which see replied by saying, " it can take a huge amount of strength to realise that ending your life is a effective way of ending the pain".
I then said what the hell are you on about for her to say that "who do you think the mad one is, the person living in pain or the person who ends the pain".
It's just my mum putting another spin on things and she is in no way saying taking your life is the answer, but there has been, and will be those of sound mind who take their lives.
(Euthanasia)
Farming on the other hand is mostly due to overload. Farmers often work about 80/90 even more hours a week, and it's that relentless pressure of having to perform 7 days a week with no rest for years some times that does it. Most people get a day off or a weekend to recharge but having the water torture treatment can make your mind explode. It's important to be able to put your troubles to one side for even a short time and free your mind from it all, it's when you're unable to give your mind a rest it goes wrong.
I then said what the hell are you on about for her to say that "who do you think the mad one is, the person living in pain or the person who ends the pain".
It's just my mum putting another spin on things and she is in no way saying taking your life is the answer, but there has been, and will be those of sound mind who take their lives.
(Euthanasia)
Farming on the other hand is mostly due to overload. Farmers often work about 80/90 even more hours a week, and it's that relentless pressure of having to perform 7 days a week with no rest for years some times that does it. Most people get a day off or a weekend to recharge but having the water torture treatment can make your mind explode. It's important to be able to put your troubles to one side for even a short time and free your mind from it all, it's when you're unable to give your mind a rest it goes wrong.