spally

iTrader: (1)

This was written by a guy...it is GREAT!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep..

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least the bitch knows I'm smarter than her.


sorry bit long but gave me a

zippy!

iTrader: (1)

fooking quality mate im printing this off to send to every man i know

Milamber

iTrader: (2)

madscoob

iTrader: (3)

THAT IS PURE CLASS will roadtest this sat when she wants to go shopping lmfao

spally

iTrader: (1)

you should see how a lady has replied to where i originally see this!! quailty PC gone mad!!!

"I could reply very well to this.
But i will only get abusive comments, so i'm not!
Please grow up!
Yeh might be funny for a guy without a soul, but your bordering on sex discrimination!!
WHY think women differ?
DO NOT ! Think so
You cannot do without them!
Said too much already
ONLY REPLY TO ME IF YOUR A Wan--r"

oh dear!!! lol think someone needs a chill pill!!!

zs_phil

iTrader: (1)

made me laugh
brilliant

mrs_b4

have to say woman sound's like a pr1ck tease anyway,but really this is a joke as a man would never be that smart

barnes_2k7

This is brilliant

Arkwright

iTrader: (3)

That`s well cool. Are you going to the Lodge tomorrow night I`ll be able to see if you`ve got a thick ear.

Mrs spec'c'57

Yvette, I love the way you always tell it as it is

Nate

iTrader: (2)

Excellent

mrs_b4

Oh Nate have you escaped from under your wife's thumb long enough to post well done

Nurse Gladys

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds Mature.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

I went to the County Fair. They had one of those "Believe it or not?" Shows. They had a man born with a ***** and a brain.

Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the **** out of you.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Renault?
The porcupine has ****** on the outside.

Only a man would buy a £500 car and put a £4000 stereo in it.

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Two guys were strolling down the street when one guy exclaimed,"how sad - a dead bird."
The other man looked up and said, "where?"

Nate

iTrader: (2)

Wife ?

Mrs spec'c'57

Another example of a smart woman as she hasn't married you!!

mrs_b4

she's no fooooool

53

iTrader: (41)

That one sneaked in under the wire

AllenJ

I don't normally 'bash' women, as i love and adore them.

I sleep with one, wake up with another, live with them, work with them, everywhere i go there is one. So I love them all, but, it'll be rude not to post this link.

Google Image Result for http://women-drivers.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Women-Drivers-Car-Crash-1.jpg

Hope it works.

Looie

windyboy

class !!!!

Nurse Gladys

At this point I would like to make it clear that the tw@t that hit my car in a carpark last Sunday was a MAN!

Well not quite a man, as he didn't stay around long enough to be a man & own up to it......

He was however extremely dim too, as he parked in the furthest point of the carpark (obviously) and allowed us to wait for his return......?

Nate

iTrader: (2)

Maybe she just hasn't been lucky enough to be asked yet

Nate

iTrader: (2)

Nothing confuses a man more than a woman driver who does everything right.



Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."




Policeman: 'When I saw you coming round that bend I thought, "Forty-five at least".'
Woman motorist: 'Well, I always look older in this hat.'



My wife had a nasty accident with the car this morning. She backed it out of the garage, completely forgetting that the night before, she had backed it in.




Magistrate: 'But if you saw the lady driving towards you, why didn't you give her half the road?'
Motorist: 'I was going to, Your Honour, as soon as I could find out which half she wanted.'

G-Man1982

iTrader: (7)

im sorry but i have been laughing solid for 10 mins at this picture....



i have not cryed so with laughter in my life!!



spally that storys wkd as well!! nicely found!

EVILSTI

Mrs spec'c'57

The only way I would call that lucky would be LUCKY ESCAPE

Nate

iTrader: (2)

That the best you've got ?