Looie

What Oil Crisis?
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
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Well, there's a very simple answer.
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Nobody bothered to check the oil.
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We just didn't know we were getting low.
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The reason for that is purely geographical.
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Our OIL is located in The North Sea
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However - our DIPSTICKS are located in Westminster !!!

Any Questions ???
NO? I didn't think so!!

BRI4N

Tiny

The luck of the Irish!!



Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer, They're years outta style.

You're best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em.

I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!'

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.

Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'


JAHEESUS!' said the lifeguard,


'Maaaaate.


The potato goes in front!'

Looie

Don't know what to say about that one......

Looie

As you have started:

Fruit Polo’s

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polo’s.

He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.

The children began to say:

'Red............cherry,'
'Yellow.........lemon,'
'Green.........lime,'
'Orange........orange.'

Finally the professor gave them all Honey Polo’s. After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.

'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:

'Oh My God!!!! They're ar$e-holes!!'

Looie

One more.......

Son asked his mother the following question:

'Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies,

'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.

'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'



Now running for safety.......