Phil

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office

and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and

screams in agony. She pushes her knee and

screams, pushes her ankle and screams.

Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead are you?"

"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."
















"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

Mrs ESC

pmsl

IN THE STICKS

kin quick

iTrader: (2)

Milamber

iTrader: (2)

Paul McCartney has separated from his wife Heather.

Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split:
"He was my crutch," she said. "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm stumped"

"Heather's running around in circles", said a close friend. "It wasn't easy for her to walk out. She'll need all the support she can get."

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed, Lawyers say without such a contract, she won't have a leg to stand on.

There are also claims that infidelity may have been the problem. An unnamed source source said:
"It was a serious problem - she was always trying to get her leg over".

Other reports suggest her battle with alcoholism was the root cause:"Macca couldn't handle it anymore," a friend said. "He would get home at night and find her legless"

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg

Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

Phil

PMSL Class

kin quick

iTrader: (2)

It's a bit one sided


I'll get my coat

BRI4N

Milamber

iTrader: (2)

Supercue

iTrader: (1)

Quality

Looie

Wicked, but v.g.!!

STI-CKI

Two queers in a toilet and one notices the other has a nicotine patch on his **** and asks 'does it work?' Yes he says i'm down to two butts a day.

Looie

If others are playing this.... wot about this one.... (Name choices are not down to me....)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two builders (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Eric: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Phil: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Phil: - Scuse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken ! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.

Phil: - Oh ! What's that then ?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example.... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Phil: - Er .. mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Phil: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Phil: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Phil: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house...built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

Phil: - Yes I am married, I live with my wife and three children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not ********** very often?

Phil: - Me? Never

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Phil: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life !

Phil: - I see! That's pretty impressive...thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.

Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Eric: - What's that then?

Phil: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Eric: - Nope

Phil: - Well then, you're a ******

wozzaa

Two Whales swimming in the sea when whale 1 spots the whaling ship that killed his mum & dad
Whale1: thats the ship that killed my mum & dad

Whale2: right lets get our revenge

Whale1: i'll go one end you go the other end & we'll blow jets of water out of our spouts & it will topple the ship over.

after doing this the ship capsized & all the crew jumped for there lifes into the sea.

whale1: right lets eat all the sailors

whale2: no way i don't mind giving them a blow job but i'm not drinking all the seaman

STI-CKI

Convict breaks in,ties up husband and wife.
He jumps on wife, kisses her ear then runs to the bathroom.
Husband tells wife 'Satisfy him or he'll kill us, I saw the way he kissed you, just be strong, I love you!'
Wife replys 'he didn't kiss me, he whispered in my ear, he's gay and looking for vaseline, I told him its in the bathroom!.., lets see who's ******* strong now!!!'

Tiny

Nice one

Shall i do the Daffodil one ?

Budgie

iTrader: (4)

sial

Budgie

iTrader: (4)

and no

STI-CKI

I was thinking that but I think it is best to do that by text.............I sent that to loads of people I got called a TIT, ******, and got told that I nearly gave them a heart attack

STI-CKI

Budgie I must be having another blonde moment but what is sial??

Tiny

FPMSL !!

Sent it to my dad & He phoned me up straight away to see what hospital i was in

He is

But @ Least he cares about his son

Budgie

iTrader: (4)

must be a typo

essex scooby crew
active supporter

STI-CKI

PMSL, Lin said I was a fool, and not a good idea to sent that when your pregnant..............I thought it was funny, and as for Yvette.. well I will just show you the text she sent me when I see you next........it is so funny

Tiny

STI-CKI

Husband says to wife- 'If your **** were firma ya wouldn't need a bra'.

Wife replies- 'If ya dick was firma I wouldn't need ya Brother'.

scoobynut555

A loving husband had "I love you" tattooed on to his kn*b, when he got home he showed his wife.

She said "there you go trying to put words in my mouth again"

STI-CKI

Scientists have discovered that the average **** weighs 8oz. But they don't know the weight of the average cxxt.
Could you hop on the scales and call me back.

Budgie

iTrader: (4)

£5 quid up on you big boy

budgie

essex scooby crew
active supporter