Kieran_Burns

iTrader: (1)

I know these are normally posted in NSR, but this one is more Computing related...

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE ONE
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE TWO
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE THREE
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment, then the pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FOUR
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE FIVE
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SIX
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE SEVEN
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - TAKE EIGHT
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

SJ_Skyline

Excellent

douglasb

Are you a service engineer?

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1. You’re called in to check a dodgy disk on a server. After you snap
the cover off the machine by not following the removal instructions,
drop the disk on the ground (because you didn’t realise the bloody
thing was on rails - none of the later ones are on rails!), then
stand on the power cable to the machine beside it, yanking it from its
socket and downing the site’s service-backup machine, you’d:
A. Say “I’m sorry, I seem to have made several mistakes.”
B. Say “I’m not really an engineer.”
C. Ask the customer if they have a charge number for all this extra work.
D. Say you left something in your car and run off


2. Your 3mm demagnetised head Posidrive sub-miniature screwdriver is
missing from its position in amongst all the other crap in the bottom
of your tool case. You would:
A. Go back to work to get a replacement
B. Borrow one from the customer
C. IMPROVISE with a hammer and a set of pliers.
D. Say you left it in your car and run off.


3. You’re halfway through a job when your mobile starts ringing. You
know it’s your boss with a high priority job. You:
A. Switch it off until you’ve completed this job.
B. Agonise over it till the voicemail cuts in.
C. Answer it, then (D).
D. Say you left something in your car and run off.


4. You’re called in to fix a piece of kit that you’ve never seen before -
hell, you don’t even know what it DOES. It also looks very delicate. You
would:
A. Instruct the customer to relog the call and indicate that the machine
is outside your skillbase.
B. Relog the call yourself, indicating it’s outside your skillbase.
C. Break out the hammers and beat the living **** out of it until it
either explodes or comes right.
D. (You already know what this is going to be, don’t you?)


5. Complete the following statement. “If it ain’t broke..”
A. Don’t fix it.
B. Break it.
C. Open the ******* up to see what makes it so bloody special.
D. I have everything I need from my car.


6. You’re driving down the motorway with your loved one (wife,
significant other, long-haired dachshund) when you get a flat.
Wanting to appear competent, you would:
A. Replace the flat tyre.
B. Recall the RAC number from your mobile’s stored number list.
C. “Sub in” the spare randomly around the car until the flat goes away.
D. Ask her/him/it if she/he/it knows anything about tyres.


7. You’ve just put an important piece of the customer’s kit back together
and it appears to be working well. In fact, not only have you repaired
it, but it’s working better than spec. Then you notice that you don’t
have any left-over parts. You would:
A. Chalk it up to a job well done.
B. Get some from your bag where you normally hide the left-over parts
from your jobs.
C. Take the kit to bits and put it back together and see what you come
up with this time round.
D. Say you left some bits in your car.