Memo from the IT Department!
17 February 2003, 10:46 AM
#1
I have seen this before. But it just arrived in my inbox again...
It still makes me laugh, and I still think how true... so I thought I would post it for people who haven't seen it!
Memo from the IT Department!
When you call IT to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed
animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. They
don't have a life, and find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting
glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. They can play back the error messages from a video recording.
When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
spill your problems right out. They don't even like eating food and
exist only to serve.
When they do something as a favour in their own time at their own expense, feel free to criticise them.
That's OK, they don't expect you to lift anything or get under your
desk. Manual labour was part of their IT degree.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's
electronics in it.
When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have
cartridges in them, argue. They love a good argument.
When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in
scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
shortly?" That motivates them.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer
still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. IT know exactly
what is meant by "my thingy blew up".
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
When your application can't do what you want... blame IT, they write
all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the
fly. Bill Gates lets them do this.
Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every
problem before.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables
were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network
upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a
pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner
of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that computer crap." IT don't mind at all hearing their area of
professional expertise referred to as crap.
When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task,
and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a
professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow,
call IT as they have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.
The instant you call them (on their mobile) - they can see what's
happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.
Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a
right to be upset if they don't answer the phone.
When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail
attachment. There's lots of disk space on that mail server.
And finally, always remember.... IT were sitting there, twiddling their thumbs waiting for Your call.. The whole day!!!
[Edited by ChristianR - 2/17/2003 10:48:06 AM]
It still makes me laugh, and I still think how true... so I thought I would post it for people who haven't seen it!
Memo from the IT Department!
When you call IT to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed
animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. They
don't have a life, and find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting
glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. They can play back the error messages from a video recording.
When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and
spill your problems right out. They don't even like eating food and
exist only to serve.
When they do something as a favour in their own time at their own expense, feel free to criticise them.
That's OK, they don't expect you to lift anything or get under your
desk. Manual labour was part of their IT degree.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's
electronics in it.
When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have
cartridges in them, argue. They love a good argument.
When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in
scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
shortly?" That motivates them.
When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer
still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. IT know exactly
what is meant by "my thingy blew up".
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
When your application can't do what you want... blame IT, they write
all the software that runs on your PC and can customise it on the
fly. Bill Gates lets them do this.
Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every
problem before.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables
were designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail/NT/network
upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a
pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner
of their desk and stare at them until they hang up.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
that computer crap." IT don't mind at all hearing their area of
professional expertise referred to as crap.
When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task,
and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a
professional engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
When you think the network/e-mail/office application is going slow,
call IT as they have a button to press that makes it go back to it's normal speed.
The instant you call them (on their mobile) - they can see what's
happening on your screen and can solve it instantaneously.
Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a
right to be upset if they don't answer the phone.
When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail
attachment. There's lots of disk space on that mail server.
And finally, always remember.... IT were sitting there, twiddling their thumbs waiting for Your call.. The whole day!!!
[Edited by ChristianR - 2/17/2003 10:48:06 AM]
17 February 2003, 11:51 AM
#5
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many moons ago at a top city law firm i had a complaint made against me by some legal sec because i had not put her desk back as i had found it.
the bloody pc and desk was full of kinda egg type toys, id have needed a set square and a substantial amount of graph paper to plot where they all went!!!!
the bloody pc and desk was full of kinda egg type toys, id have needed a set square and a substantial amount of graph paper to plot where they all went!!!!
17 February 2003, 02:23 PM
#7
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Forgot one:
On the (rare) occasion that IT confirm that there is a fault, you (and everyone else in your department) must ring at least once every 15 minutes to ask if it is fixed yet. When told "No" you must then go to your line manager and have them check again.
On the (rare) occasion that IT confirm that there is a fault, you (and everyone else in your department) must ring at least once every 15 minutes to ask if it is fixed yet. When told "No" you must then go to your line manager and have them check again.
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