A shepherd was looking after his flock on the edge of a deserted road in
Manchester. Suddenly a brand new BMW screeched to a halt next to him.
The driver, a young man from Sheffield dressed in a Brioni suit,
Cerrutti shoes, Ray-Ban glasses, and a YSL tie got out and proposed to
the shepherd, "If I guess how many sheep you have, will you give me one of
them?" The shepherd looked at the young man, then looked at the sheep
grazing and said "All right".

The young man parked the car, connected his Toshiba notebook and
cellular modem, entered a NASA site, scanned the ground using GPS,
opened a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms, then
printed a 150 - page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He then
turned to the shepherd and said, "You have exactly 1586 sheep." The
shepherd answered, "That's correct; you can take your sheep." The young
man took a nearby beast and put it in the back of his BMW. The shepherd
looked at him and asked, "If I guess your profession, will you return my
animal to me?" The young Yorkshireman answered "Yes, why not."

The shepherd said, "You are a consultant". "How did you know?" asked
the young man. "Very simple," answered the shepherd. "First you come
here without being called, Second, you charge me a sheep to tell me
something I already knew, Third, you do not understand anything about
what I do. So now please give me my dog back."

David

 

was the consultant using GPRS for his connection?

 

Did the farmer get his dog back?

 

But what colour was the BMW, what model, was it modded ?

 

A consultant opened the door of his BMW when suddenly a car came along and hit the door ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene the consultant was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!!!! He shrieked.

"You consultants you are so materialistic you make me sick!!! Retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW that you didn't even notice that your arm has been ripped off!

"Oh no...! exclaims the consultant looking down and for the first time noticing the bloody stump where his left arm had once been, screams, "Where the ****'s my Rolex?!"

sad thing is, I'm a consultant

 

the cheap skate consultant bought a LHD BMW then!

 

First on is a variation on a Blond joke....the second is a Contractor joke....

'If you give a starving man a fish you'll feed him for a day
If you teach a starving man how to fish he'll be able to feed himself forever.......
If you talk to a starving man about fish you a consultant

Jeff
Security Consultant !

 

if only consultants were all like that, im drivin a fukin vectra at the mo (by the way i think satan designed these cars, and when you die and go to visit him and you are cast into enternal damnation and have to drive a vectra around hell for EVER)

They are pretty bad, roll on next friday

 

I don't want to think of why he might have wanted a sheep !!!

[Edited by Ken E - 8/9/2002 8:32:16 AM]

 

A Good point.

edited as I was talking pants....

[Edited by hail-hail - 8/9/2002 12:47:13 PM]