chet123

iTrader: (7)

A tough call mate. Not sure what to say but completely agree with you. I think you should let your partner make the end decision because at the end of the day its her parents and if anything you should support her desicion in whatever she decides. Yes its only £300 but lessons havent been learnt the first times and I can see you posting again in a months time saying the exact same thing in that the inlaws are asking to borrow some money even after should you decide to borrow them the £300 here.
True to the word you cant choose your family and friends but when they start pulling the heart strings its difficult.

Clealy they have a problem with money - makes you think what will they leave for the grandchildren when pass.....nothing because all they cared about was there spend. I feel for your partner but sounds as if she is strong minded women, thats good in situations like this.

Turbohot

+1.

Look, if they're habituals, stop bailing them out. Don't lend any more to them. That'll teach them to sort themselves out. They need to learn what falling is like, then they'll try getting up themselves. If you keep supporting them half way through their recurring falls before they hit the ground, they'll never learn.

Even if they have mental health issues, they need to learn how to pluck themselves out of it. Sometimes, people just don't want to pluck themselves out, and hide behind a mental illness label. There's help available to such cases out there. Psychiatric and social work support can help them with their chronic money mismanagement issues.

AndyBaker

My uncle bled my Nana dry back in the eighties, taking out loans for him when he'd "had an accident in the car and the person who hit him wasn't insured"' the army didn't pay him on time and taking cash out on credit cards to send to him. She died in debt for him at 90 and he never sorted himself out until she died and then he had to.

I agree with most on here that have said follow your wife, she knows them best and who knows it might be the best thing for them as they will have to learn to budget or go under. Andy

hodgy0_2

as comments above, a sh1tty situation

but, entirely made so by the in-laws attitude to their own financial responsibilities (or lack of them)

genuine unforeseen need, absolutely lend the money

self imposed financial car crash – either tell them to swing for it or give them the money (but don’t expect it back)

Scooby Soon!

DO NOT LEND THEM MONEY

people who are desperate to borrow money are NEVER desperate to pay it back, if you do get the money back you will have to badger them for it and they will begrudgingly pay some of it back to you and tell everyone that you were really nasty etc etc

Lending money to people always ends in tears, do they have gold? tell them to sell it or pawn it, if they are desperate they will have already done it but they won't they will be hoping to get a free £300 from you.

hodgy0_2

Not always true, a good friend lent me 200k once (in a matter of 12 hours) to complete a property deal that looked like it was going t1ts up

I paid him 212k back 3 months later, when the property was sold

Edited to add, that was over 10 years ago when 200k was quite a lot of cash

Gear Head

iTrader: (2)

Seriously thinking of just throwing them the money for good, stating that they will never get anymore.

Will just have to put my front end re-spray till next year. Xmas and holiday more important than my car.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

If you are leaning towards helping them, is there any way you could contact the landlord to see if you could pay him/her directly? That way, you know for sure the money is going where it's supposed to be, also, if they are spinning you a yarn, you'll find out.

If you still decide to go ahead, then you need to make it absolutely clear this is the last time, in part because they'll never learn and more importantly, because of the shocking way they have behaved when asking for a favour. If anything, it's their attitude that would tempt me to say '**** them'.

gpssti4

iTrader: (6)

Of course when you give/loan them the money you need to make it understood that the money was for your holiday/new TV/sofa etc and that by lending it to them you'll be going without. Make it clear you're doing it because they're family and that they should not ask again.

toneh

iTrader: (1)

Give them the money , tell them to pay it back when they're sorted , you probably won't get it back so right it off in your own head and tell them you are lending it even though you yourself can't afford it
And because of your own commitments you won't or can't lend them any more
So the next time they come knocking you can still maintain you would love to but just can't

Turbohot

Oh, absolutely! Totally agree with the bolded bit.

In genuine unforeseen and helpless situations one shouldn't hesitate to just give away the money to the needy and not ever even expect it back, if one can afford to do so. As OP's in-laws seem to be taking a pith with repeated self-imposed shoite, he's better off putting a stop to it once and for all. It's only fair for both the parties.

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

As my mum always says, "you made your bed, now your going to have to lie in it"

Kwik

iTrader: (10)

I always remember a scene from a film I saw years ago. The main character keeps chasing this guy down the street for $20 he lent him, until the mentor tells him that he's had a lucky escape. For $20 it had been cheap to get rid of someone unreliable and untrustworthy.

I'd give them the money. You can sleep at night, you've done the right thing and they can't complain. But as said already make it clear it will be the last penny you give them. I'd make others around you aware as well, just in case they do ever ask.

toneh

iTrader: (1)

Mums ought to make there minds up , mine used to say
" get up your gonna be late , and make your bed "

DYK

If they are crap with money and always in debt,then chances are you won't get it back.
Sounds a bit suspect to me,needing the money that late at night and having the nerve to send abbusive texts to your mrs.
Sometimes these people are just looking for a weak spot in another person,once they know you'll lend them money,they will be back for sure.
If it were a genuine or unfortunate situation and they were legit in the story,I'd lend it them.
Sounds like they are just irresponsible and looking to sponge off you,and using the kids as pawns..
Do you really want to lend/give money to people like that....

Just to add my dads brother lent his daughter 20k once,did he get it back,no and they haven't spoken to each other for years..

Turbohot

My mum always said (it was actually my dad who always said it)- "Never stretch your legs farther than the end bit of the cover of your bed." This means live within your means.

Anyway, sometimes circumstances could make people so helpless that they can do with some help. Someone I knew lost everything in certain circumstance; not a bed self-made. All friends helped this person to re-build this person's life, and the good friends never expected anything back- not even in the form of his time and labour.

But then there's that other type that falls in "can't do because I won't do, and my bed is your problem". This type need to be told, especially when it's not exactly all super wealthy on the lender's side either. With borrowing family, it's a difficult one, but can be solved. There're grown up kids who have bought their parents and in-laws houses because they don't want to see the hands toiling at older age that once rocked their cradle. Nothing is more gratifying and 'too right' than helping helpless parents in their difficult circumstances. But then there're families that are out to simply exploit you. One needs to make a distinction.

DYK

I'd have no hesitation in lending my parents money,infact I have done and even sometimes I have said don't worry about paying it back,I know they are genuine and can be trusted.They have even lent me money and know i pay it back.Its ok when things are like that,problem occurs when you have relatives who are a bit dodgy and have a history of it...

Turbohot

Me, too.

I have no hesitation in lending any money to my parents regardless of getting it back from them or not. They brought me into this world; changed my dirty nappies; fed me when I cried of hunger or thirst; worked hard to fulfil my needs at the expense of their sweat and blood; lent me money without ever asking for it back; and put up with someone as difficult ( ) as me. I can't thank them enough, and tbh, I wish I could do more for them. I do nothing for them, as they need nothing from me. All they want is I and my children happy- wherever I am- that's all.

Spoon

The lending money aside, your child's grandfather, your wife's father, a grown adult actually can't manage his money and also threatens his own daughter because she won't bail him out, a situation he's been in before.

Do parents do this? No wonder this country is like it is. Scum, utter scum. Not an example I'd want a child of mine within a 1000 miles of, Grandad or no Grandad.

fitzscoob

The one draw back I see in contacting the landlord direct is that they will have GH contact details the next time the rent needs paying.

Personally, I'd give them the money then wash my hands of them. If they choose to spend the £300 on a new tv rather than the rent then tell them to buy the biggest one and keep the box.

Either way, it's a situation no one on here envies. I bet it's also causing **** at home through no fault of your own.

cster

The movie was - A Bronx Tale.
And what a priceless lesson in life.
I also remember the bit where he has to wait and see if his new girlfriend will unlock the car door for him as a test of her unselfishness.

Re OP -
Give them the money, which will remove any pretence (of dignity) that they intend/will ever repay the money.
If they insist on repaying, let them (but without any expectation or demand).
Obviously you will explain that you can not afford to keep giving them money, as you can't afford to.
Worth a thought?
Option B is listen to your wife. It's not always a bad idea

ditchmyster

iTrader: (7)

A friend or family member in need is one thing, but people who spunk their money up the wall then come asking for yours / demanding with menaces is something totally different.

As above, "Listen to your Mrs" it should be her choice, not yours.

SouthWalesSam

iTrader: (1)

I agree with Dr Hu, cster and the others above who say give them the money.

But tell them never, ever again.

And then stick to it.

EddScott

I agree with those that have said to give them this £300. Within reason, if they ask again, give them that too - but then it stops. For good.

Ignore all the Jeremy Kyle stuff.

Anything that goes on from there at least you can face it with a clear conscience.

Leslie

That is very good of you and you must be a pretty decent bloke.

As I said in my earlier post though, if you keep letting him have the cash, it is too easy for him to escape his own responsibilities and he will never learn to sort out his own finances. He is being very unfair to expect you to pay him the money all the time. There is always the old saying about being cruel to be kind, and you also owe allegiance to your own family.

Les