Lending money to family
 

Long story short, my in laws are rubbish with money.

They lost their house in the 1990's recession and were black listed for a long time.

Then, when they had finally paid what they owed, the new car, tv and other luxury goods started to appear.
It didn't add up in my mind but it wasn't my problem.

Then we learned that many of the purchases were on a credit card and the car on a very expensive loan (30%).

Last night, I get a call from the father in law to say that he needed £300 in the next 24 hours or they will be kicked out of their house. (rented).
Put on the spot, I agreed. But when Marie found out later at work, she was very angry as this has happened with her parents before.

She said to her Dad that her heart says yes, but head says no but that they were irresponsible with money and things needed to change.
He then got the huff and put the phone down on her.

Since then she has had abusive txts from him saying how she should lend the money but consider this good bye! :razz:

Our little boy loves playing with his cousins and they are using the kids (Maries sisters kids) as emotional black mail.

Then, later today, we find out that the money is not needed till mid November. :wonder:

They did help out massively with looking after our son when in my Dads final days 2 months ago, so I don't know what to do. Marie is adamant that they are not getting a penny though.

Any advice appreciated.
:thumb:

**** em.if they spend when they cant afford it thats their problem

Would have been my response but having a brother who was in a similar situation I can say it is not that easy.

Need to have a good chat with your other half, go round as a couple and try to discuss this with them.

Does your other halfs sister know what position they are in?

If they do not want to listen so be it, but at least you know you have tried to do everything you can to help.

not a nice situation to be in, but if they have already said they dont want nothing to do with you after youve given them the money fook them!

I've lent money many times but under less pressure. I don't like it but they always pay back in the end. My family are all dreadful with money!

You are under no obligation to support them. If Marie is saying no, then that should be good enough for you.

We have since learned that the landlord has changed the payment date from fortnightly to weekly and apparently this is the reason they will be short (still doesn't make sense if you run a proper budget).

When I said that they cannot just kick you out without notice, they reply with 'They can if you have been in arrears before.'

Well bugger me, they miss some payments and the landlord wants a reliable tenant to live there instead. Who would have thought it? :razz:

Add to the fact that the in-laws, sister-in-law and her two kids all went to Colchester Zoo last weekend, costing at least £150 I reckon with fuel and tickets. But apparently, the sister-in-law paid for that. Which is even more confusing when you learn that she is on housing benifit and doesn't have a job and hasn't done for last 10 years. (since having kids basically) :rolleyes:

The best part about all this was that the father-in-law wanted me to drop the money at 10pm last night! Luckily, Marie keeps the key to our 'cash-safe' with her at all times, so I didn't have access to it. He made me feel like I was being difficult when I said that he will have to come and get it in the morning. 'Can't you drop it round?' :lol:

It's just Charlie missing out on seeing his cousins that worries me. They all get on so well.
Although the timing of this and my father's death does worry me. Do they think I have lucked in to some cash? Funny, as all Dads assets went to my Mum.

Not lent them anything yet. Marie just wanted to find out the full story before handing anything over. It was then that her Dad didn't like having a lecture about money from his daughter and hung up. Abusive msgs have been coming in since then.

Im with your wife on this one, he shouldnt be sending his family abusive messages just cause he cant handle his financal situation... tell him where to stick it:thumb:

I know it's 'hard' to do when it's family, but can't you get both party's solicitors to draw up some kind of 'affidavit', just in case the father-in-law defaults on future repayments?

Seeing as he's being an arse, I'd only ever want to lend him cash legally and 'by the book'.... if at all!

If you then get the classic, "I'm shocked. I can't believe my daughter/son-in-law need to even ask to go to such lengths... yada yada..." and disagrees, then he can do one IMO.

Don't lend him the money.

As he's not getting his own way he's trying to bully you with the texts. If you lend him the money then you set the precedent and open yourself up for more of the same. You are not obliged to them and you are not responsible for them, make this clear to him and advise him to seek help via the CAB or his bank who will be able to help him manage his finances in a sensible way without having to resort to strong arming family members.

Sounds potentially distressing. You can't choose family unfortunately.

Thanks for the input guys. I know I shouldn't lend the money after what he has said, but I have always said I will help people if I can.

But, the money will be coming out of the xmas/holiday fund.....if I lend it.

There does come a point where people rely on being bailed out though.

Are you 100% sure there's nothing else involved? In my experience when people need to borrow money at such short notice and need it at 10pm it's to pay for other things. (dealers) add that to how angry and abusive he has become to his own daughter it doesn't sound like a huge stretch.

Maybe the post title should be giving money to family?

If you are going to do Dont loan it just give it to him,you will have far worse agro trying to get it back. write it off

This is what they tell us, but I don't believe them.
I did send them a message first thing today asking for them not to take us for fools.
Their story didn't add up and all we wanted was the truth.

Money really is evil isn't it?

It is. Help purify yourself by sending me a cheque for £5000 :)

My View - Its only £300 - yes maybe its a lot to you but in the grand scheme....

*BUT* in my opinion give them the £300 - say you don't want it back, but say that you will *NEVER EVER* lend them money again - don't even bother asking, it will never happen again....

Write it off, put it behind you - hope to move on.
They now know where you stand.

Personally I can't even imagine where a parent would come asking a child for money with menaces - but maybe I'm lucky...:confused:

IMHO:)

I've bailed family and friends for years (family =sister) , think I've been crapped on by everyone ......no one gets **** out of me now.
Horrible feeling saying no but it's worse knocking on people's door asking for your own money back :brickwall
I've been called all the names under the sun for saying no , everyone thinks nice car and nice stuff in the house your minted
Plenty of times I have to wait 6+ weeks to get paid from my work but I make sure I always have a bit put away for these times

My family won't even babysit :lol1:

Fcuk em all :thumb:

Sounds like you married the only sensible member of your wifes family!

IF you can afford to throw that much money away then it is entirely your choice whether to lend it to them.

You know of course how likely you are to get to get it repaid

You never know, you might be asked for another loan in the near future!

Les

Funny, you are not the first person to say that. :thumb:

She is really good with money. I would like to think that is partly to do with me, but then again I am lot tidier than I used to be! :D

Plus she works for the Police so I have to behave. :rolleyes:

We can't really afford to throw it away Les. I guess if we were to wait a little longer for a holiday or save a little bit harder between now and xmas, we could, but why should we?
We don't often put money away for xmas, this is first year, so we know it is all paid for.
Plus we have some money put aside for a holiday. And yes, I have another few hundred quid set aside for having my car tarted up in the bodyshop next month but all of the above have been planned and saved for.

Why the f8ck should I have to suffer for their stupidity.
Before all the insults, I was quite happy to LEND them the money.

I seriously that will be the case now.
Just wanted to get some feedback on here to confirm what I thought or of people thought I was being too harsh.

personally I wouldn't bother lending them the money because by lending them the cash and bailing them out you aren't really teaching them anything and you are just coming to their rescue and they will keep expecting you to do so.

Families are funny things and if they want to be funny with you and cut off contact due to something like this are they really worth knowing?

...I bet she demands you to behave...

http://i.ebayimg.com/t/Sexy-Ladies-U...B9Q~~60_35.JPG

...And I bet you're all too willing? *gibber gibber*

:norty: :norty: :norty:

Of course you are not being harsh.

You have earned that money and you and your own family deserve to get the pleasure of the holiday etc. out of that.

It is completely down to him to get whatever money he needs together himself. If people keep giving him cash he will never learn to do something for himself.

You would be doing him a far greater favour to force him to learn his own responsibilities.

Les

It's a crappy situation all round really. You can't do right for doing wrong.

It's very easy to give a suggestion but at the end of the day it's you who has to sleep at night, and it's so wrong of them to make you feel guilted into gifting them this money.

From my point of view, I'd probably do as Dr Hu suggested. Give them the money and make it clear that they're never to ask again as refusal will offend.

Your lad may miss playing with his cousins, but do you earn enough between the two of you to support her mum and dad indefinitely as it's a slippery slope.

If I asked you now to choose between your lad having his cousins to play with or your wife and child being financially secure I think you'll have your answer.

It's just that I said before that if they ever were in trouble, I would help if I could.