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Old 20 April 2012, 07:05 AM
  #31  
ditchmyster
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My god, you lot are useless, i think none of you ever had a normal girl, they must all be complete retards if any of the stuff above has got any of you laid.

O/P If she likes you you will be able to tell by the smiles and playing with hair,slight nervousness, and posture changes,giving you the eye from across the room, and her actually trying to make conversation with you.

If your the one doing all the talking and instigating the conversation then she's probably not interested, and by the sounds of it you haven't got enough game to turn that around, so keep practicing on the sock.
Old 20 April 2012, 07:06 AM
  #32  
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Originally Posted by chief-long-shin
Hmmm what was my process at age 22....

Firstly never ever ask them to b your girlfriend, you should have stopped pulling that **** by the age of 14.

It's a simple checklist you initiate over 2 weeks.

Drink
Number
Receive pic of her **** via text or email.
Reply to such pic saying youd love to smash her back doors in.
Evening drive
Back road.
Hide car, smash back doors in (not on your car)
3rd meet at hers, ask if she has a mate that joins in.
Live fantasy providing its not mmf as that ****s not cool.
Wipe dick on curtain.
Tell whatever bird you dont like you've lost phone or it was stolen by other girl.
Look for next bird....


Vital rule below. This is something my mate does , always have a close friend (now changed to mum in your phone) ready to be a family member so if you happen across a daytime meet and without war paint they look rough a quick text becomes " you have to come home immediately , something's happended"
Thats my rules lol
Old 20 April 2012, 07:16 AM
  #33  
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Originally Posted by ditchmyster
My god, you lot are useless, i think none of you ever had a normal girl, they must all be complete retards if any of the stuff above has got any of you laid.

O/P If she likes you you will be able to tell by the smiles and playing with hair,slight nervousness, and posture changes,giving you the eye from across the room, and her actually trying to make conversation with you.

If your the one doing all the talking and instigating the conversation then she's probably not interested, and by the sounds of it you haven't got enough game to turn that around, so keep practicing on the sock.
Are you jeremy Kyle? This advice only works in towns with private schools where beagle hunts still happen

Old 20 April 2012, 08:34 AM
  #34  
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Originally Posted by tubbytommy
the thing is i believe you, your chat up methods are ****, so it could be that way for a while or until you pay for it
I remember a mate telling me about when he paid for it in Amsterdam. He said it was great until he threw the condom in the bin and it was a quarter full of rubbers.... And it was only 11am!

My ways full proof
Old 20 April 2012, 08:43 AM
  #35  
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Is this a wind up lol? If not I suggest serenading her with Goldie Looking Chains “You knows I loves you” as per below. Verse 2 is particularly apt :

(TALKIN)
I'm gonna make you sweat
The way a pig sweats on a hot day
'Cos I'm feeling real sexy baby
Real Sexy, uhh yeah!
That's right, I'm gonna put me a sexy video on
I'm gonna massage some oil into my body baby
'Cos I'm gonna get tight with you
Yeah.
One time.

(VERSE 1)
I wanna take you to Mcdonalds with a candle
Girl, it's my love you can't handle
I see you walking on the way home from work
Your Tesco tunic really drives me berserk
I'm for real - it ain't no quirk
My love is lurking the way a rapist would lurk
In a bush, or a car park in town
I bought you this necklace
It cost me 12 pounds
From Argos, Elizabeth Duke
Maybe you're the skywalker to my luke
The Darth to the Vader
Flip Over the Crossfader
I'll serenade you with a bag of space raiders
Or walkers or smiths or maybe even quavers
'Cos my love for you is like drugs for ravers
With glowsticks and funny hats on
I loves you more than I loves my bong.
(Fantasy)

You know i love u baby
You knows i luv u baby

(VERSE 2)
Oh you f**king knows I love you right
But the thing is it's like this
You see, I can feel it inside
I can't explain how it feels
My sexual love is for real
Girl you knows it's true, like Milli Vanilli
I'll buy you ten **** on a daytrip to Caerphilly
I'm after your heart, Oh don't you see
And your three kids doesn't bother me
You Know....
I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair when we eat
F**k I can't, 'cos In McDonalds it's a bolted seat
Don't matter 'cos I'm here with you
With a medium value meal and a chocolate sundae too
Later on I'll come and help you sign on
I'll stare into your eyes, the housing benefits gone wrong
Don't worry baby it won't take too long
I'm just sitting, I'm just waiting, I'm just writing this song
You know that, time passes and I'm loving every second
Buying chips for you is as lovely as I reckoned
You're Victoria Spice, I'm David Beckham
If you were Dellboy, I'd be the streets of Peckham
Why don't you come to me, why can't you see
My love for you is like Matt Bolan to a tree

(Dance with me!)

You knows i loves u baby
You knows i loves u baby
Tonniiiittteee

I'll take you for a ride, we won't go far
You've been running through my mind like a shining star
We've got plenty of time to make sweet love
'cos tonight's the night we take off the glove
You know what I mean, you're taking the pill
Don't worry - I'll sort out the bill
Supported by the DHSS
With family allowance, We'll sort out the mess
What's it gonna take, to get your attention
A tracksuit and gold chain and semi-erection
Say no more, I can feel a tear
You can smokes my **** and drinks my beer

I'll never want another like I want you
To prove my love, I gotta tattoo - on my bollocks
I was gonna have your name
But I only got initials
'cos I couldn't stand the pain

(My physical love!)

You knows i loves u baby
You knows i loves u baby
Tonniiiittteee

(The emotional reality!)

You're the nicest looking woman outside of my sexmags
Especially with your makeup, when your wearing your gladrags
I gotta tell you, I gotta let you know
I wanna buy you trips down the mecca bingo
We'll sit together, get four in a row
And win a china dog and with it too a family show
This is romance, how it should be done
When it's you and me together, it can only spell fun
We'll walk together, buy some meat in the market
I'll **** on the car, you'll smile and park it
I've got to tell you about something I think
Without you and my chain I'm the weakest link
So get down baby and feel my love
I'll get you drunk in Weatherspoons, Into a bush I shove
I'll have a grope and get the last bus
A romantic date, just the two of us

Yeah, one time

You knows i loves u baby
You knows i loves u baby
Tonniiiittteee

(Electrical Love!)

You knows i loves u baby
You knows i loves u baby
Tonniiiittteee

I'm feeling kind of
Kind of sexy baby
What say you put on that exercise video
And I'll watch you sweat
Oh yeah!
That damn video with Felicity Kendal
Damn you can....
And your making me feel kinda
Itchy!
I'm gonna go put the mask and gloves on
Oh yeah
Take em off baby
Just take them
F**k the music baby
Take them Off
Just, take them off
Just, oh freak this sh*t man
Turn the f**king tape off man
Old 20 April 2012, 08:45 AM
  #36  
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Originally Posted by GlesgaKiss
I once did it by accident.
Originally Posted by davegtt
Hes Scottish, they cant hit the onion bag in a game of football, what makes you think he'd hit the right hole on a woman

You two crack me up
Old 20 April 2012, 08:46 AM
  #37  
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Originally Posted by SCOOBYOLS46
ok i have just met this girl like a few times and really like her just wondering what's the best way of asking her out sinc ei havven't had a long term relationship in a while , i see her every thursday though at a club . im tempted to just go for it and ask her if she wants to be my girlfreind as i will have nothing to loose , what u scoobynet people think ???

Ask her if she wants to go halfers in a b@stard
Old 20 April 2012, 08:52 AM
  #38  
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Originally Posted by RobsyUK
Chloroform and a rag usually works... Are there any pics of your victim.. I mean date?



You might want to sample the goods before buying too, if you want, I'll go do a PDC on her if you want?
Old 20 April 2012, 08:59 AM
  #39  
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This has got to wind up surely.
Old 20 April 2012, 09:06 AM
  #40  
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Originally Posted by chief-long-shin
Are you jeremy Kyle? This advice only works in towns with private schools where beagle hunts still happen

I may be a tad long in the tooth, but even at the ripe old age of 46, i'm still able to pull girls half my age if i so desired.

The key to success is to be able to spot the ones that are interested and not waste time on those that arn't, unless you have a bag full of charm, or in the case of this lot a bottle full of rohypnol (sp).

Let's be honest, if the op had a cat in hell's chance he wouldn't need to ask the question, he'd already be chock up ta bollax.
Old 20 April 2012, 09:09 AM
  #41  
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EFA

Originally Posted by ditchmyster
I may be a tad long in the tooth, but even at the ripe old age of 46, i'm still able to pull girls half my age if i so desired.

The key to success is to be able to spot the ones that are interested and not waste time on those that arn't, unless you have a bag full of charm, or in the case of this lot a bottle full of rohypnol (sp).

Let's be honest, if the op had a cat in hell's chance he wouldn't need to ask the question, he'd already be in there, right up to the third rib.
Old 20 April 2012, 09:12 AM
  #42  
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Originally Posted by chief-long-shin
Hmmm what was my process at age 22....

Firstly never ever ask them to b your girlfriend, you should have stopped pulling that **** by the age of 14.

It's a simple checklist you initiate over 2 weeks.

Drink
Number
Receive pic of her **** via text or email.
Reply to such pic saying youd love to smash her back doors in.
Evening drive
Back road.
Hide car, smash back doors in (not on your car)
3rd meet at hers, ask if she has a mate that joins in.
Live fantasy providing its not mmf as that ****s not cool.
Wipe dick on curtain.
Tell whatever bird you dont like you've lost phone or it was stolen by other girl.
Look for next bird....
I did that once, turned out they were venetian blinds, poor wee chap looked like pineapple afterwards.
Old 20 April 2012, 09:17 AM
  #43  
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This is you isn't it

Old 20 April 2012, 09:21 AM
  #44  
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This thread is hilarious
Old 20 April 2012, 09:25 AM
  #45  
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To be fair he aint got much of a chance anyway going from his attitude in the original post. taking 3 weeks to ask a bird out shows that your indecisive and dont like her enough to put the effort in early on - IMO anyway. But good luck to him, and dont forget the pictures.
Old 20 April 2012, 09:39 AM
  #46  
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Originally Posted by ditchmyster
My god, you lot are useless, i think none of you ever had a normal girl, they must all be complete retards if any of the stuff above has got any of you laid.
i think you'd be amazed how easy some girls are! especially the fatties lol
Old 20 April 2012, 09:57 AM
  #47  
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Truthfully in this shallow world, if you don't look too backwards, you dress yourself with no help from your mum or little sister and have a job (Aldi and Lidl not included) then you are possibly onto a winner.

If you just tell her you would like to take her out on a date *input selected activity* I'm sure she would say yes. Maybe a picture of your fine self will help the situation
Old 20 April 2012, 09:59 AM
  #48  
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Originally Posted by Hysteria1983
Truthfully in this shallow world, if you don't look too backwards, you dress yourself with no help from your mum or little sister and have a job (Aldi and Lidl not included) then you are possibly onto a winner.

If you just tell her you would like to take her out on a date *input selected activity* I'm sure she would say yes. Maybe a picture of your fine self will help the situation
Hey down girl, he's after someone else
Old 20 April 2012, 10:00 AM
  #49  
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Just buy her a drink, ask her lots of questions, the cheesier the better, don't talk about yourself and most importantly make her laugh.

And a tip from a well known film, have a w@nk before the date so your mind isn't pre-occupied with wanting to sh@g her brains out.
Old 20 April 2012, 10:00 AM
  #50  
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Ignore what everyone else has said, you're on the right track. In fact, sod it, really push the boat out, propose to her and bypass all that dating crap.
Old 20 April 2012, 10:05 AM
  #51  
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Invite the b!ch over to play kinect, b!tches love playing kinect.
Old 20 April 2012, 10:07 AM
  #52  
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Old 20 April 2012, 10:07 AM
  #53  
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Old 20 April 2012, 10:14 AM
  #54  
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Originally Posted by WRXBOB
Haha!!
Old 20 April 2012, 10:18 AM
  #55  
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Old 20 April 2012, 10:21 AM
  #56  
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Originally Posted by tubbytommy
jesus whats wrong with you load of benders, man up!!!!!

if you ask her "will you be my girlfriend" after knowing her three weeks i hope she **** punts you for being a gayer!!!

have you ever had sex?? and i mean with a lady, your hand,sock or pet do not count!!


Say what you mean TT
Old 20 April 2012, 10:22 AM
  #57  
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brilliant thread...

Last edited by craigo; 20 April 2012 at 10:23 AM.
Old 20 April 2012, 10:29 AM
  #58  
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First off I would stop using the word "like" in the wrong places like, it makes you like sound like a chav like.
Old 20 April 2012, 10:41 AM
  #59  
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Originally Posted by Blue by You


Say what you mean TT
the question needed to be asked, its the advice i will be giving my daughter's when the time comes.

if a grown man asks you to "be his girlfriend" administer a swift **** punt and run away.

the same applies to dates in mcdonald's or non subaru owners.
Old 20 April 2012, 10:45 AM
  #60  
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Originally Posted by RobsyUK
Chloroform and a rag usually works... Are there any pics of your victim.. I mean date?
or as i like to say : "you,me, and mr c "


Quick Reply: Asking a girl out to be girlfreind



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