So who will be gloating tonight
31 May 2009, 05:03 AM
#41
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Going round in circles in a Mini
Posts: 5,485
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
LIVERPOOL END OF SEASON PARTY....
LIVERPOOL END OF SEASON PARTY....
starter....sour grapes!!!
main course....plaice probably second!!
pudding...select from ngog,dossena,lucas,arbeloa,pennant.followed by hard cheese and biscuits!!!
drinks...no doubles,trebles or carling premier...bitter spanish wines served by fat spanish waiter!!!
dress code...eighties to celebrate our league title!!!
all drinks served in plastic glasses due to no cups agenda this season
starter....sour grapes!!!
main course....plaice probably second!!
pudding...select from ngog,dossena,lucas,arbeloa,pennant.followed by hard cheese and biscuits!!!
drinks...no doubles,trebles or carling premier...bitter spanish wines served by fat spanish waiter!!!
dress code...eighties to celebrate our league title!!!
all drinks served in plastic glasses due to no cups agenda this season
31 May 2009, 08:50 AM
#42
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 6,806
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
For Neil ;)
Found some Gems for you YUM
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
And last but by no means least.......
Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
And last but by no means least.......
Last edited by Supercue; 31 May 2009 at 09:04 AM. Reason: It's a gem!
31 May 2009, 09:20 AM
#44
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Going round in circles in a Mini
Posts: 5,485
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool
fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why
didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool
fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are
you a Man Utd fan?'
'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan,
so I'm a Man Utd fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no
reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like
your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute
and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to
the Counter and said; 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied; 'Your timing is amazing. We've
just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/
bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive
around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The
hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to
escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package
is 200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool
fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why
didn't you raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool
fan, then who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Man Utd fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are
you a Man Utd fan?'
'Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan,
so I'm a Man Utd fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no
reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like
your parents all of the time… What if your mum was a prostitute
and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to
the Counter and said; 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied; 'Your timing is amazing. We've
just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/
bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive
around in a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform provided. The
hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You also have to
escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package
is 200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullsh*tting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
31 May 2009, 09:26 AM
#45
Scooby Regular
iTrader: (1)
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Essex, England
Posts: 6,806
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road. One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest "where are you going, Father?",
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest.
"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift"! climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the scum.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting sh!te, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said
"I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,
"That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the ****** with the door!"
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest.
"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift"! climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the scum.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting sh!te, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said
"I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,
"That's okay" replied the priest. "I got the ****** with the door!"
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
Jonny mac
ScoobyNet General
10
09 October 2015 12:25 PM