Relationship advice needed
22 July 2008, 04:08 PM
#31
Scooby Regular
22 July 2008, 04:27 PM
#32
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Passing ...............
Posts: 13,320
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Wow thanks a lot guys and gals, i'm suprised how many people have backed up my instinct feeling of getting the hell out of there.
I think i'm suprised because I feel almost manipulated by her parents to believe that I am not being supportive enough.
Example - we were all talking openly about our relationship troubles and she was crying...then the dad turns around and said 'see, she is crying her heart out and you are just sitting there not comforting her' which upset me because I couldnt care more but now I feel why should I.
I believe she needs a lot of space, and not a relationship right now even if she does feel i'm the one for her like she says.
I've handed my months notice in today by texting the landlord...
I think I should keep myself to myself for the month and pray that I get my deposit back!!
I think i'm suprised because I feel almost manipulated by her parents to believe that I am not being supportive enough.
Example - we were all talking openly about our relationship troubles and she was crying...then the dad turns around and said 'see, she is crying her heart out and you are just sitting there not comforting her' which upset me because I couldnt care more but now I feel why should I.
I believe she needs a lot of space, and not a relationship right now even if she does feel i'm the one for her like she says.
I've handed my months notice in today by texting the landlord...
I think I should keep myself to myself for the month and pray that I get my deposit back!!
She sounds a bit of a fruit & nut case.
Ps is she local
22 July 2008, 04:46 PM
#33
My ex got to the stage where she was drinking 3 or 4 bottles of wine a night,and from my experience I would say run before she drags you down with you.
You may feel some compassion to help her,but the only person who is going to be able to help her is herself.
You may feel some compassion to help her,but the only person who is going to be able to help her is herself.
22 July 2008, 04:55 PM
#34
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Worthing..
Posts: 7,575
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
22 July 2008, 05:29 PM
#37
Scooby Regular
22 July 2008, 05:43 PM
#40
Scooby Regular
LOL
You are of course correct. Ex moderator. Hardly "dummy spitting", though, and anyone who was a moderator at the time (or remains so) will testify to that
Perhaps you misheard "Siauns" pillow talk DCI? Hardly surprising, given that you were probably face down into the aforementioned pillows at the time
ps - another IT professional per chance?
22 July 2008, 05:52 PM
#41
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Going further than the station and back !!! ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Posts: 11,097
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hardly surprising, given that you were probably face down into the aforementioned pillows at the time
1-0 to devildog..... lol
[2nd bag of popcorn at the ready]
22 July 2008, 05:53 PM
#42
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: RIP - Tam the bam & Andy the Jock
Posts: 14,333
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
LOL
You are of course correct. Ex moderator. Hardly "dummy spitting", though, and anyone who was a moderator at the time (or remains so) will testify to that
Perhaps you misheard "Siauns" pillow talk DCI? Hardly surprising, given that you were probably face down into the aforementioned pillows at the time
ps - another IT professional per chance?
You are of course correct. Ex moderator. Hardly "dummy spitting", though, and anyone who was a moderator at the time (or remains so) will testify to that
Perhaps you misheard "Siauns" pillow talk DCI? Hardly surprising, given that you were probably face down into the aforementioned pillows at the time
ps - another IT professional per chance?
Or are you about to......
...AGAIN
22 July 2008, 06:01 PM
#43
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: None of your business.
Posts: 11,088
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
I think i'm suprised because I feel almost manipulated by her parents to believe that I am not being supportive enough.
Example - we were all talking openly about our relationship troubles and she was crying...then the dad turns around and said 'see, she is crying her heart out and you are just sitting there not comforting her' which upset me because I couldnt care more but now I feel why should I.
Example - we were all talking openly about our relationship troubles and she was crying...then the dad turns around and said 'see, she is crying her heart out and you are just sitting there not comforting her' which upset me because I couldnt care more but now I feel why should I.
Don't pay the last months rent then if you think they're going to start playing funny buggers!!
22 July 2008, 06:09 PM
#45
Scooby Regular
Or is the taste in your mouth so bitter (no wonder with your tongue so far up Siaun's **** these days
) that you're unable to function rationally ?
22 July 2008, 06:16 PM
#47
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: RIP - Tam the bam & Andy the Jock
Posts: 14,333
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Is that the best you can come up with DCI? To regurgitate a point that's already been addressed with the suggestion you go and find out the facts before making a fool of yourself again?
Or is the taste in your mouth so bitter (no wonder with your tongue so far up Siaun's **** these days ) that you're unable to function rationally ?
Or is the taste in your mouth so bitter (no wonder with your tongue so far up Siaun's **** these days
) that you're unable to function rationally ?It's comical to watch..... and the usual references to homosexuality, you're actually just a one trick pony DD
For the record I often chat with Simon, nice bloke... great site to... strange how you seem to have a problem with him /it... but its easy to slate people I suppose
I await your next homosexual rant
22 July 2008, 06:41 PM
#48
Scooby Regular
There goes the dummy (again)
It's comical to watch..... and the usual references to homosexuality, you're actually just a one trick pony DD
For the record I often chat with Simon, nice bloke... great site to... strange how you seem to have a problem with him /it... but its easy to slate people I suppose
I await your next homosexual rant
It's comical to watch..... and the usual references to homosexuality, you're actually just a one trick pony DD
For the record I often chat with Simon, nice bloke... great site to... strange how you seem to have a problem with him /it... but its easy to slate people I suppose
I await your next homosexual rant
My references (with the exception of "rent boy") were more to do with the submissive/dominating theme, but if the homosexual theme sits most comfortably with you, then that's your perogative
For the record, I don't have a problem with people in IT, but experience suggest that they are perhaps not the best demographic for relationship advice. Its a pretty common joke - they even made a TV comedy programme about it. Very funny it was too
My offer stands - seek the facts, independently, from those who know what those are, rather than the views of just one side. In all seriousness, DCI, I had you down as someone not easily led.
That's me been wrong twice on this thread
Anyway, you seem like a decent enough bloke and I'm in a cracking mood, so let's not waste each others time posting on a subject about which you only know what someone has chosen to tell you
Have a good night
22 July 2008, 06:43 PM
#49
Scooby Senior
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: RIP - Tam the bam & Andy the Jock
Posts: 14,333
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
LOL
My references (with the exception of "rent boy") were more to do with the submissive/dominating theme, but if the homosexual theme sits most comfortably with you, then that's your perogative
For the record, I don't have a problem with people in IT, but experience suggest that they are perhaps not the best demographic for relationships. Its a pretty common joke - they even made a TV comedy programme about it.
My offer stands - seek the facts, independently, from those who know what those are, rather than the views of just one side. In all seriousness, DCI, I had you down as someone not easily led.
That's me been wrong twice on this thread
Anyway, you seem like a decent enough bloke and I'm in a cracking mood, so let's not waste each others time posting on a subject about which you only know what someone has chosen to tell you
Have a good night
My references (with the exception of "rent boy") were more to do with the submissive/dominating theme, but if the homosexual theme sits most comfortably with you, then that's your perogative
For the record, I don't have a problem with people in IT, but experience suggest that they are perhaps not the best demographic for relationships. Its a pretty common joke - they even made a TV comedy programme about it.
My offer stands - seek the facts, independently, from those who know what those are, rather than the views of just one side. In all seriousness, DCI, I had you down as someone not easily led.
That's me been wrong twice on this thread
Anyway, you seem like a decent enough bloke and I'm in a cracking mood, so let's not waste each others time posting on a subject about which you only know what someone has chosen to tell you
Have a good night
, a good night to you too
22 July 2008, 07:08 PM
#52
Scooby Regular
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 10,765
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Who the hell do her parents think they are? Shes a grown woman for christ sake, they shouldn't be involved. Especially after disowning her in her time of need. If he was so concerned, why wasn't he comforting her?
Don't pay the last months rent then if you think they're going to start playing funny buggers!!
Don't pay the last months rent then if you think they're going to start playing funny buggers!!
They're worried you're going to leave and they will then be responsible for her. Sorry to sound harsh, but it was a perfect rebound situation. You need time on your own.
22 July 2008, 07:36 PM
#55
BANNED
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,846
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Hi all,
I am looking for people's opinion's and advice on what I should do with my current relationship as I have no idea and am pulling my hair out trying to sort it out.
I'll try and sum this up into words to the best of my ability..
Right,
Basically I have recently moved from living with my ex into a flat, and while I was speaking to the new landlord online they introduced me to their daughter who I got friendly with and started talking to. (They were living abroad at the time)
We found out that we have a lot in common, and get on really well.
She explained to me that she came out of a long term relationship 6 months ago and it got her down being with him and she turned to drink and used to be an alcoholic but is now sorting her life out.
Now it was never planned for her to live in the same flat as me - I had decided to move in on the basis that i'd be sharing with one other lodger and somehow she will find somewhere to live as there was no room at the flat.
The day before I was due to move in, the other lodger made sexual advances towards her which upset her a lot so much so that she didnt stop him - her mum thought something was up and stopped them; basically they were both drinking she told me all about it and was honest that he told her im no good for her etc etc.
We got over that and moved on, as he moved out and she took his room.
Now I wouldnt of moved in if I was aware that she would be living there too as i've just come away from living with a girlfriend and it was hell - needed space and time to find myself etc etc but at the same time I was getting on really well with her and wanted to be ina relationship with her as we have so much in common - we both feel we are soulmates but every now and again something nasty happens.
Basically a month into the relationship andliving with her, she started getting really nasty and flying off the handle.
One night I was joking around and called her a 'girl' and she went ballistic and said she wants to be called a woman because she wants to be considerd as a woman not a girl.
I thought this didnt warrent her shouting at me and telling me its wrong to call her a girl, but forgave her for it.
A few days later she was really ill and shaking etc and the next morning she told me that she had been drinking again for the last month, she lied to me when I asked if she was drinking a few days before cos she was acting drunk and irrational to say the least.
At this point I decided the best thing to do was to move out (this is before she told me about the drinking)
So I took her to hospital, her parents disowned her and said she's not living there anymore as this is the 4th time she has been caught or declaired drinking heavily - i'm talking about 70cl of vodka a day.
So I was the only one there for her, went into hospital took time off work etc etc to see her cos her parents wouldnt.
After she came out and the dust settled her parents have been helping her sort it out with her going to AA etc etc.
She is working hard at getting over it, however her behaviour to me is still being unnacceptable in my opinion.
For example, on sunday I suggested that we could spend time together on my days off which are thu sat and sun so we can go out and do things to which she replied 'why does it have to be on your terms when i see you'? so i said 'i'm not saying it has to be on my terms, i'm just bringing to the table when i am able to see you' then she said 'just because you have a day off doesnt mean that i have to see you' which i found really nasty because all I was trying to do was spend time with her.
Now this really upset me, because I have been putting love, time and energy into the relationship and all I get back is my head bitten off by trying to arrange to see her.
Her argument is that she doesnt want it to feel like routine, but the way I see it because I work I DO have a routine and I would like to see her on my days off.
I really do love her, and she really loves me - but she createss negative atmosphere's a lot of the time not just with myself but also with her parents who get really angry and shout at her which doesnt help.
I'm just trying to guage people's opinion's - should I move out and stay with her? Should I stay and ride the train? Should I live there and giver space?
I just dont know what to do, i've moved 5 times in the past 2 years and am getting tired of moving to be honest so it's not easy for me to do it again but at the moment it's the only thing I can think of...
It doesnt help with her parents being there too, saying im not being supportive enough and making a mistake by moving out... half of me thinks its my life and I deserve to be happy and the other thinks that i'm over sensetive (I am a sensetive guy) and need to work harder.
Advice? Opinions?
Thanks
I am looking for people's opinion's and advice on what I should do with my current relationship as I have no idea and am pulling my hair out trying to sort it out.
I'll try and sum this up into words to the best of my ability..
Right,
Basically I have recently moved from living with my ex into a flat, and while I was speaking to the new landlord online they introduced me to their daughter who I got friendly with and started talking to. (They were living abroad at the time)
We found out that we have a lot in common, and get on really well.
She explained to me that she came out of a long term relationship 6 months ago and it got her down being with him and she turned to drink and used to be an alcoholic but is now sorting her life out.
Now it was never planned for her to live in the same flat as me - I had decided to move in on the basis that i'd be sharing with one other lodger and somehow she will find somewhere to live as there was no room at the flat.
The day before I was due to move in, the other lodger made sexual advances towards her which upset her a lot so much so that she didnt stop him - her mum thought something was up and stopped them; basically they were both drinking she told me all about it and was honest that he told her im no good for her etc etc.
We got over that and moved on, as he moved out and she took his room.
Now I wouldnt of moved in if I was aware that she would be living there too as i've just come away from living with a girlfriend and it was hell - needed space and time to find myself etc etc but at the same time I was getting on really well with her and wanted to be ina relationship with her as we have so much in common - we both feel we are soulmates but every now and again something nasty happens.
Basically a month into the relationship andliving with her, she started getting really nasty and flying off the handle.
One night I was joking around and called her a 'girl' and she went ballistic and said she wants to be called a woman because she wants to be considerd as a woman not a girl.
I thought this didnt warrent her shouting at me and telling me its wrong to call her a girl, but forgave her for it.
A few days later she was really ill and shaking etc and the next morning she told me that she had been drinking again for the last month, she lied to me when I asked if she was drinking a few days before cos she was acting drunk and irrational to say the least.
At this point I decided the best thing to do was to move out (this is before she told me about the drinking)
So I took her to hospital, her parents disowned her and said she's not living there anymore as this is the 4th time she has been caught or declaired drinking heavily - i'm talking about 70cl of vodka a day.
So I was the only one there for her, went into hospital took time off work etc etc to see her cos her parents wouldnt.
After she came out and the dust settled her parents have been helping her sort it out with her going to AA etc etc.
She is working hard at getting over it, however her behaviour to me is still being unnacceptable in my opinion.
For example, on sunday I suggested that we could spend time together on my days off which are thu sat and sun so we can go out and do things to which she replied 'why does it have to be on your terms when i see you'? so i said 'i'm not saying it has to be on my terms, i'm just bringing to the table when i am able to see you' then she said 'just because you have a day off doesnt mean that i have to see you' which i found really nasty because all I was trying to do was spend time with her.
Now this really upset me, because I have been putting love, time and energy into the relationship and all I get back is my head bitten off by trying to arrange to see her.
Her argument is that she doesnt want it to feel like routine, but the way I see it because I work I DO have a routine and I would like to see her on my days off.
I really do love her, and she really loves me - but she createss negative atmosphere's a lot of the time not just with myself but also with her parents who get really angry and shout at her which doesnt help.
I'm just trying to guage people's opinion's - should I move out and stay with her? Should I stay and ride the train? Should I live there and giver space?
I just dont know what to do, i've moved 5 times in the past 2 years and am getting tired of moving to be honest so it's not easy for me to do it again but at the moment it's the only thing I can think of...
It doesnt help with her parents being there too, saying im not being supportive enough and making a mistake by moving out... half of me thinks its my life and I deserve to be happy and the other thinks that i'm over sensetive (I am a sensetive guy) and need to work harder.
Advice? Opinions?
Thanks
