Relationship advice needed
 

Hi all,

I am looking for people's opinion's and advice on what I should do with my current relationship as I have no idea and am pulling my hair out trying to sort it out.

I'll try and sum this up into words to the best of my ability..

Right,

Basically I have recently moved from living with my ex into a flat, and while I was speaking to the new landlord online they introduced me to their daughter who I got friendly with and started talking to. (They were living abroad at the time)
We found out that we have a lot in common, and get on really well.
She explained to me that she came out of a long term relationship 6 months ago and it got her down being with him and she turned to drink and used to be an alcoholic but is now sorting her life out.

Now it was never planned for her to live in the same flat as me - I had decided to move in on the basis that i'd be sharing with one other lodger and somehow she will find somewhere to live as there was no room at the flat.

The day before I was due to move in, the other lodger made sexual advances towards her which upset her a lot so much so that she didnt stop him - her mum thought something was up and stopped them; basically they were both drinking she told me all about it and was honest that he told her im no good for her etc etc.

We got over that and moved on, as he moved out and she took his room.

Now I wouldnt of moved in if I was aware that she would be living there too as i've just come away from living with a girlfriend and it was hell - needed space and time to find myself etc etc but at the same time I was getting on really well with her and wanted to be ina relationship with her as we have so much in common - we both feel we are soulmates but every now and again something nasty happens.

Basically a month into the relationship andliving with her, she started getting really nasty and flying off the handle.
One night I was joking around and called her a 'girl' and she went ballistic and said she wants to be called a woman because she wants to be considerd as a woman not a girl.
I thought this didnt warrent her shouting at me and telling me its wrong to call her a girl, but forgave her for it.
A few days later she was really ill and shaking etc and the next morning she told me that she had been drinking again for the last month, she lied to me when I asked if she was drinking a few days before cos she was acting drunk and irrational to say the least.

At this point I decided the best thing to do was to move out (this is before she told me about the drinking)

So I took her to hospital, her parents disowned her and said she's not living there anymore as this is the 4th time she has been caught or declaired drinking heavily - i'm talking about 70cl of vodka a day.

So I was the only one there for her, went into hospital took time off work etc etc to see her cos her parents wouldnt.

After she came out and the dust settled her parents have been helping her sort it out with her going to AA etc etc.

She is working hard at getting over it, however her behaviour to me is still being unnacceptable in my opinion.
For example, on sunday I suggested that we could spend time together on my days off which are thu sat and sun so we can go out and do things to which she replied 'why does it have to be on your terms when i see you'? so i said 'i'm not saying it has to be on my terms, i'm just bringing to the table when i am able to see you' then she said 'just because you have a day off doesnt mean that i have to see you' which i found really nasty because all I was trying to do was spend time with her.

Now this really upset me, because I have been putting love, time and energy into the relationship and all I get back is my head bitten off by trying to arrange to see her.
Her argument is that she doesnt want it to feel like routine, but the way I see it because I work I DO have a routine and I would like to see her on my days off.

I really do love her, and she really loves me - but she createss negative atmosphere's a lot of the time not just with myself but also with her parents who get really angry and shout at her which doesnt help.

I'm just trying to guage people's opinion's - should I move out and stay with her? Should I stay and ride the train? Should I live there and giver space?

I just dont know what to do, i've moved 5 times in the past 2 years and am getting tired of moving to be honest so it's not easy for me to do it again but at the moment it's the only thing I can think of...

It doesnt help with her parents being there too, saying im not being supportive enough and making a mistake by moving out... half of me thinks its my life and I deserve to be happy and the other thinks that i'm over sensetive (I am a sensetive guy) and need to work harder.

Advice? Opinions?

Thanks

By having to actually write this you are saying that there are major problems. I mean, when you get to the point of putting it all in words on a forum to strangers, things are probably beyond repair.

Sorry to be harsh, but I would get the **** out of dodge. You obviously aren't happy, and it doesnt sound as if you are going to be happy if you stay with her.

If it's early doors still I'd walk away and start fresh.

The first month of your relationship was based on lies, you're trying to help her and she's being nasty as hell in return. You sound like a lovely guy, any lass would be lucky to have you.

Run away.........No joking mate you need to be out of there. You seem a sane sensible type of person, staying there now is only going to screw you up. Move out, keep in contact with her if you must, but stop the 'relationship' side of things until she starts to help herself. In the meantime try living the single life, you may like it.

Well said Pete

The other point is that people will listen to and crave all sorts of advice then do whatever is in their hearts or their mood is telling them to do that day.

So effectively, I'm not trying to be harsh, but only YOU can sort YOUR own issues out, because only YOU know your g/friend and YOUR relationship.

PS Most on here will just ask for photos anyway ;)

Good luck

Take her up the ar*e while she's drunk then move on. Has she got a sister :D

Why stay with someone who makes you miserable and unhappy? A relationship shouldn't be that much hard work. You can waste years staying with someone and trying to help them get over a crisis in their life only to have them distance themselves from you once they're better and no longer in need of your emotional crutch. Don't waste your life, get out, move on, meet someone else :)

For some reason Donkey Punch came to mind there....

The other point to make is that the thinking of is always harder than the doing.

Breaking up with someone you really love seems utterly unthinkable when you consider it, but when it actually happens, yes it hurts, but, you do come out the other side, and stronger.

Do it a few times and you become a double hard ******* impervious to distress caused by females, and a sexual tyrannosaurus to boot. Just like me.

I feel for you both, people with drink related illnesses need support and as much help over a great period of time to recover, there is no 5 minute fix, its a tough situation to be in as running is always going ot be the most popular option.... the best thing in these situations is to put yourself in the actual position of the person with the illness and then try to decide what ou would want the person who is trying to support you to do, run or help.

either way I am sure you will make th ecorrect decision for yourself {not necessarily for her} and at the end of the day you have to live with what you decide.

Good luck it is not an easy one.

That is SOOOO true :thumb:

I'm not so sure about that last bit though :D

:thumb:Well said, Sal! Find someone who wants you, not needs you!

To the OP. NEVER ask for relationship advice on the internet!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...9005021ys8.jpg

;) :D

All the best to the OP!

You know you shouldn't say that and I know I shouldn't laugh...AHA HA HA:lol: ...it is funny :Suspiciou

Absolutely agree with most of the sentiments on here. I hadn't gotten far through what you said and thought "just get out of there!", reading the rest strengthens that feeling. No point in being overly sentimental or anything, just look after number 1 and get out whilst you can!! (sounds a little uncaring towards the girl...sorry, woman :lol1:, but it really seems that she is a real ONE :thumb: )

Cheers,

Tom

Fail!

Your post is way too long to read.

You sound too decent to be caught up in this. It was all too convenient given both of your recent pasts.

She sounds damaged from her previous relationship and was perhaps constantly put down with maybe using the term 'girl', hence its impact on when you used the word.

Her parents are emotionally blackmailing you because they truly fear for their daughters safety without you there. That however is not your job and will only get worse if you hang around.

Love is useless without respect.

Good luck.

Dodge<<<<< .................................................. .........................................You>>>>>

You know what needs to be done, they'll take you down with them if you're not careful.... ;)

think Spoon has hit it on the head a bit there with regards to the parents, although they obviously love their daughter it seems like they dont want to be responsible for her.

In all honesty as hard as it may seem I would get out now, imagine down the line you get married etc etc it will only get harder as time goes on. Maybe time to put yourself first

I was just thinking no post by DCI on this one then you post before my last post :lol1:

I've been busy typing a specification..... well I've actually only typed this "1.0 Specification." then made a coffee and logged back on :D

Bakerboy, are you dating my wife? :(

I've put up with that cr@p for years.........

No, only kidding......





























My wife is MUCH worse than that. :norty:

I'm reminded of the words of George Bernard Shaw:

"Take care to get what you like, or you will be forced to like what you get!"

Ns04

Glad someone saw the funny side :D

To the infractor - get a life saddo, it was a joke :rolleyes:

http://www.creativematch.co.uk/flairimages/Bun.jpg

Do a runner, she'll end up caving your head in for evermore if you don't.

You fell for her on the rebound, just move on again.

She has got psycho bitch written all over her.

Mate, do yourself a favour. This girl is going to Fcuk your life up, get rid of her now. Sometimes you need to be cut throat. It;s your chance to get away. It will take you a month to feel better and then you'll be glad you did it. RUN FAST NOW.

TLDR ;)

i read more of NS04`s posted image, then the OP`s post :lol1:

Why do it while she's drunk? :wonder: Surely she'd enjoy it more sober... ;)

Wow thanks a lot guys and gals, i'm suprised how many people have backed up my instinct feeling of getting the hell out of there.

I think i'm suprised because I feel almost manipulated by her parents to believe that I am not being supportive enough.

Example - we were all talking openly about our relationship troubles and she was crying...then the dad turns around and said 'see, she is crying her heart out and you are just sitting there not comforting her' which upset me because I couldnt care more but now I feel why should I.

I believe she needs a lot of space, and not a relationship right now even if she does feel i'm the one for her like she says.

I've handed my months notice in today by texting the landlord...

I think I should keep myself to myself for the month and pray that I get my deposit back!!