Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

I really hope she listens to you. My thoughts are with you.

It looks like we're going to be back at the hospital sooner than we thought. Mam was there today for her arm to be checked as it slightly swollen (to do with the lymphs), thankfully they don't seem too concerned. However, she has now got discolouration on her other breast, so the nurse is going to arrange for her to have a mammogram and scan soon, as she wasn't due to go for her checkup with the consultant until June. I am trying to stay positive, and assure her they will be only doing this to put her mind at ease (the nurse more or less said that is why she would arrange an earlier test), but I too can't help worrying and I know she is scared. Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing though.

Snazy

Not good hun, sorry to hear that. Hope everything works out for you.
She is going to need you to stay positive more than anything right now, so keep strong.

Fingers crossed they will get an appointment for her soon, very soon if its a concern.

little-ginge

Snazy - sorry to hear your mums news. my m-i-l was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. She didnt know she had it until a routine mammogram showed there was something there. they removed the cancer and then she underwent radiotherapy.

Finding anything wrong with someone you love is awful - but when you hear the word cancer, it seems like the world stops. I was with my dad when they told him he had oral cancer.

You are quite right with regard to your mum making her own decisions - but you can do quite a lot to help her make the right decision for her. Get as much info as you can. but not so much that it overwhelms her. Sit down and go through it with her and explain how you feel.

You can get support & information from lots of places - plus people who may be able to advise you the best way to put things to her.

Cancer Care and Support Charity - Macmillan Cancer Support

Cancerbackup online: cancer information, support & resources : Cancerbackup

Cancer Research UK: the UK's leading cancer charity

Best of luck, Snazy.



Lisa - we went through a similar thing where my dad had to have more scans etc as something looked a little odd.. after all the stress and worry of the original diagnosis, the operation and treatment, it seems just when you can start to breath a little easy, something else pops up to scare the heck out of you. Try not to worry until your mum has had the scan - i Know it's easier said than done. Keep reassuring your mum that they are doing it to safeguard her health - if nothing comes of it, then all she has the reassurance that all is ok.. if something does show up, then at least they are on the ball, and will sort her out before it turns nasty.

I hope she is ok.

Let us know how they both get on guys
x

Snazy

Cheers Ginge, already on the case with the info etc, just waiting to find out from the biopsy how progressed it is, and what treatment is actually available for her at this mid to late stage.
Rest assured I wont just be rolling over on this one, and wont stop til every effort has been made

I shall of course return and update as things move on.

Cheers for all the support and advice

Snazy

For those interested, I have just blogged a whole load about this here
Snazy's Space

The finer details, the issues faced, and my worries. Didnt post it all here as I dont wanna depress the hell out of people not wanting to read this.

So if your interested, have a read, see what you think, and if you have any comments on it, please feel free to post, pm, whatever

Leslie

I read your blog Snazy. You do have some things to sort out as you said, and I think you must do them rather than possibly be filled with regrets. You are having a very complicated time at the moment and I can only give you my good wishes over sorting it all out.

The only way to get the message to your daughter is via her mum I think, even if that is difficult but it is in the best of causes so that should be understood at the other end.

You too should pay close attention to your own health and if you see something you are unsure of-get it checked, never worth trusting to luck believe me. You are already ahead of the game with your good diet which is important for maintaining the best of health.

I just hope you can get your mum to accept treatment. At her age, she is not that old and life is too important not to hang on to. I did just what the doctors told me and it has given me a second chance. No regrets over that of course.

Best wishes

Les

Snazy

Cheers Les. Yup a few issues to deal with right now to say the least. I cant say I would regret anything, im yet to regret a single thing in my life, but I know what you mean. I would never consider but not try something. Especially contacting Sian.

I would not dream of going the direct approach, would always be through her mum.

With regards to my health, over the past few years I have learnt to look after myself well, and will continue to do so. I wont give up on the treatment front, and am digging up more and more info for mum to read daily Give her the info, she can make the decision.

Leslie

Yes of course it is up to her Snazy, but you are entitled to try to influence her in such a way she does not feel she is being rail roaded naturally. Maybe if you can get it across that her life is not just important to her but to the rest of her family too.

Les

Snazy

To be honest, in order of importance, I would be selfish enough to say, knowing the score so I know if my daughter is in danger is #1 right now.

Might sound strange but its all about ability to make decisions.

Of course I want my mum to stick about, but I want my daughter to grow as old as my mum too.

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Snazy, it's not selfish at all to worry about your daughter.

Unless doctors in different parts of the country have different procedures for the checks given to close family, I doubt they'll do any tests on her for a long time yet. As said Mam has breast cancer, and my Nanna (Dad's Mam), also had it, but when I asked at the doctors how it stood for me, I was told to come back when I turn 40, and ask again (I'm 25 now). Until then I just have to check myself.

Snazy

Cheers Lisa, any info is good info. Going mad with all the information im trying to absorb and make sense of right now But im still going.
Mum is starting to show some interest in treatment now. After going through the basic side effects of radiotherapy, she seemed a little warmer to the idea.

I was joking with her today saying anything that will keep her as healthy as she is right now has to be a good thing. And to stop being tight and trying to avoid another Christmas She found it funny. I find humouring her seems to break down her defenses for a moment so we can have a rational conversation. Before she gets defensive again.

The bit with my daughter, I realise its early days yet, but with the failure to skip the last few generations, I can only worry that there is a high chance of her being affected earlier in life. But thats another matter eh

My mum seems a bit more positive about going back next week, and "looking forward" to discussing options. I too am keen to hear the prognosis. Given how long its been left for until now, im not expecting the words "full recovery" But am hoping for some optimistic time frames at least

I will update the blog in full in the next day or so, and will do a blog about what the hospital says on Tuesday.
Thank you to everyone again for the kind words, advice, and thoughts. Keep it coming, all thoughts are worth hearing

Snazy's Space

Lee247

Snazy. You need to concentrate on your Mum and not the maybes of the future.
I'm not sure I believe all the heriditary stuff. My Mum has just fought the breast cancer battle and won. I am not thinking I am going to get it or my daughter.
You also, as Les said, need to concentrate on yourself too. Cancer affects millions of people every day and the support from family and friends is invaluable.
My good friends husband fought bowel cancer 2 years ago, he now has just been told he has to have another op as its in his lung. He is 46. There is no close relatives in his family had the disease.
Look after yourself and your Mum

Snazy

I hear what your saying, but what do you do a few years down the line IF something happens to my daughter? Would rather say I worried about nothing, than I coulda shoulda done something sooner
Im not about to absail down Niagra Falls to get in touch, nor pop up at her school. Simply make those who matter, aware of the possibility.

With regards to concentrating on myself. The only thing I need to do is maintain my health right now, and keep an eye open for things. Im not about to collapse into a life of self pity (no worse than already anyway lol)

Being the one in the family who gets a cancer, where the rest remain healthy is the complete opposite to being in a family where cancer has appeared in every generation. Info like this does concern me.

One family member is one thing. 2 generations on both sides of my daughters family tree..... Is something completely different.

I know my primary and immediate responsibilities lay with my mother right now. Im not saying, her choice, im off to rescue my daughter. I will carry on researching and looking at options for her, and indeed keep talking with her, keeping her on the straight and narrow, and hopefully on the longest road possible

ellie_w

this might be of some interest

DNA analysis of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes : Cancerbackup

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

I was looking for a link like that to put up as I was sure I'd heard a while back that this type of screening was available.

Does it actually cost to have this done though?

k.b

My Mum decided to get a mamogramme late last year(2 years after she was supposed ot have been called for the compulsary(sp?) mamogramme) and it turns out she was dealing with breast cancer.At 21 having to deal with breast cancer is a pretty big thing in my mind,honestly it scared the **** out of me.One of my neighbours died due to cancer and I couldn't imagine my mum being a victim of such a niasty disease.Thankfully it was caught quickly and opperated on as soon as possible.The first go they thought they missed some so they had her in again and thankfully the pathologists report showed they had got everything this time.There was the usual swelling under the arm(lymphs and such like) but as of yet she is doing fine. She went for her radiotherapy introduction/simulation yesterday and all seems well.

I am extremely happy at the way things have gone so far but it still scares me a little.

It does not help that my dad finds out next week whether he has oral caner(white spots on his gums) or not. I am honestly dreading it considering what has been droppend on me within the last couple of months.He seems alright but who knows?

k.b

excuse any spelling mistakes because im sliightly drunk,tis the weekend after all.

P.s Snazy I hope your mum is fine and everything works out well.Although I dont post much I read quite alot and have a good bit of respect for you.

ellie_w

im not sure about the cost tbh - i suspect it depends on your primary care trust - it may be available on the nhs if your family history suggests a need for it

Snazy

KB sounds like you have been through the mill and back mate, hope all works out for the family in the end

Nice to know positive progress has been made.

Cheers for that Ellie, I will add it to my bookmarks and digest it all properly soon

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

Thanks. It's always a bonus to know what is available. I personally don't think I'd go down the route of having tests done, but it is good to know that they are available.

k.b

The only way is up I guess

Cheers Snazy

Snazy

Most definatly.... for you and I both (and respective families)

k.b

I am,quite frankly, glad I have such a positive outlook on life and an amzing group of friends(who all happen to think my parents are great fun and easy to get along with) otherwise I do not want to think about where I would be given the things that have seemingly conspired to bring me down within the last few years.

Sorry to go off on a bit of on a tangent but I thought my experiences might be of some use.

Snazy

Makes 2 of us. Had a pretty crap time of things over the years and learnt not to let things get you down. Learn and move on

No worries at all, reflecting and sharing experiences is the best thing about forums

j0nah

Snaz, don't know you or any of your Family but have spent the last half hour reading this thread.

Good luck to you and your Mum. Feel for you.

k.b

I agree with learn and move on but at such a young age(I'm still 21) I kinda hoped i wouldnt learn about this sort of stuff.Unfortunately I ahve and hwat I hav learned has helped me no end.

I have not read through the thread but noticed there was someone whos mothe had concerns about being rushed through the 'sytem'.I believe this to be a good thing personally.This is what happened with my mother and within 3 months of being diagnosed she will be getting radiotherapy treatment.She was scared at the rate they were moving foreward but me and my family kept telling her this was the best thing for her because it ment they could treat it as best they could.As of sometime within the next couple of weeks it is going to be 6 weeks of travelling into the hospital everyday for radiotherapy.My dad my brother and I are all very willing to do this for her regardless of hours lost at work etc we have to suffer.

It is stressful but it is certainly worth it.

ritchie21

Well seeing as we're sharing experiences.....

I've lost 3 of 4 grandparents to cancer, lost my dad 4 1/2 yrs ago and my cousin diagnosed with testicular cancer when he was 21. Also had my own brush with it, though thankfully not full blown and pre-cancerous cells successfully removed.

When my dad was diagnosed, he had a very rare form - carcinoid syndrome. He'd always said after watching his parents battle it that if he ever had cancer he wouldn't have treatment. My dad was given less than 12 months to live the day before my 20th birthday. We were all devastated. His doctor attended and told him that if he had a why me attitude, he'd probably not last 3. So, he fought it (thank god) and greeted everything with humour, no matter how hard things were. Selfishly, I would have been so angry with my dad if he hadn't had treatment and fought it - I know (rightly or wrongly) I would have felt like we didn't mean enough to him to want to try and beat it. If he'd declined further treatment after his initial operation (he couldn't have chemo or radiotherapy as it wouldn't have had any effect with the type of cancer) then I would have supported him as at least he'd tried.

In the end, he lasted 4 and a half years after his terminal diagnosis! I am so proud to call that man my father. In the end, he decided to be a guinea pig and had treatments that were trials - he knew it couldn't help him but wanted to help others for the future.

When it comes to it Snazy, your mum is probably very scared and when push comes to shove, will want to do anything to stay with her family. Share your concerns and feelings, especially about your daughter but always make it clear to her that she comes first. At the end of the day, you can deal with your feelings later, she HAS to deal with hers now.

Good luck with everything. I really hope your mum is ok - feel free to PM if you ever need to sound anything out. Oh, and it's ok to feel angry!!!

Snazy

Ritchie, really interesting read there mate, and sorry to hear the big C has had its way with your family. Hopefully this kind of supports my train of thought about my daughter right now.
Sounds like your family have had a terrible time with it all, but you have come through, so well done all
Sounds like your father was very brave, and the sort of person you would be very proud of. Made a difference to a lot of people.

Im not angry right now, a little confused maybe. But at the end of the day we cant change who we are, or what we are, and can only live in the body we are born to. Sometimes life deals a real crap hand, but all we can do is play it the best way we know how. Learnt that a long time ago

j0nah, glad its made its little impact, and hopefully been worth it, and an eye opener. Guess at the end of the day its something we are all aware of, and at some point will have to deal with, so its nice to know others have experienced, can help and advise, and know how the affected are feeling. Sort of soothing to know, if thats the right expression.

Sadly when it comes to diagnosis, my mum has left it all rather late, which is why its believed to be rather progressed.
The consultant passed comment that he was suprised at how well she was feeling and looking all things considered.....
As I have said before the timeline is a little long.

He has found lumps in both sides, she had only found the one. The most advanced. He found the second within seconds, she didnt even know it was there. She has however been aware of the first one for about 3-4 months now. So it would suggest its been there a LOT longer, just undetected.
In reality, she could have been like this for 6-9 months.

Lee247

Snazy, I wasn't getting at you. I have been in the same situation with my Mum as you know. I just don't want you to be worrying about maybes.
I am not going to think it may happen to me or my daughter because of my Mum.
Cancer is awful and I have gone through the mill worrying about my Mum, thankfully I had friends, you know who you are in particular to help me. I want to support you all I can.

Snazy

Fair enough mate, thanks.