wow, that photo brings back some painful memories .. so many people go through this, its really sad.. thoughts are with her..

 

Sorry mate, didnt mean to be hurtful to anyone,or bring back any painful memories.

 

it's the look .. it's so unfair that people still have to suffer like this .. I think its 9 years since my mum died, but saying that, she live 5 years with it like this ..

 

i know what you mean. Mum has said for years she would never want to end up like this, but now the time has come, what can you do?
Its only the past few months she has got this bad. Years would be terrible.

 

Life is life though mate, my mum wanted to live, so she kept fighting .. having pain is horrible, but its a balance .. life vs quality of life .. and unlike me my mum was strong, didn't want to die ..

 

I agree, been a long journey for mum, and only now is the quality slipping, and fast.
im sure she doesnt want to die, but know she never wanted to end up like this.

 

I am so sorry Snazy, both for your mum and for you too. I understand only too well how upsetting a time it is for you.

You have done everything possible for her and it has been very hard for you of course. You have been a model son in the way you have cared for her especially with all the "brickbats" which have come back to you.

I wish you all the courage and also to your mum that you both need to cope with the situation.

Les

 

Thanks Les.
To be honest, spending time with mum like this and knowing what comes next isnt the hard part. Some recent comments and texts from my sister have got my back up quite a bit though. Describing mum as "not exactly great company" when she visited, and suggesting "its not worth my time and effort going up there (the home) if mum is just gonna sleep"

In short its the other factors including finances that are causing stress and upset.
Nice to know there are others out there who are not even related, who can make a more emotional effort.

 

Keep focusing on the time you have with your mum. Your sister doesn't seem to be worth worrying about.

 

Exactly.

Snazy, all you can do is continue to support your Mam. You cannot change the behaviour of your sister unfortunately. Ultimately, she will have to live with her selfishness.

My thoughts are with you and your Mam.

 

Its more about how she affects mum than anything else mate. She went up there last night, knowing mum is tired and frail, with her other half and all 4 kids. Chose to take the youngest in with her (8months), and was then surprised when mum became distressed and short because the baby was screaming, or in her words "wasnt exactly quiet lol".
I just want mum to be able to be comfortable now, and not be put through that.

 

Cheers Lisa.
Its more about keeping that behaviour away from mum. Sister is clearly suffering from stress etc at the mo, but refuses to acknowledge it
or speak to someone about it.

QUOTE=Lisawrx;10168361]Exactly.

Snazy, all you can do is continue to support your Mam. You cannot change the behaviour of your sister unfortunately. Ultimately, she will have to live with her selfishness.

My thoughts are with you and your Mam.[/QUOTE]

 

Difficult to be able to imagine someone as selfish and thoughtless as your sister Snazy!

Les

 

Its comments like these that maybe I misread or maybe understand correctly and think how selfish they are...
"She's not happy dave sat with Teyla in reception cos mum was nearly in tears asking me to get roger to go away and leave her alone she's got stomach pain he gave her morphine while i was there i'm leaving now cos she just looked round and said right you can go now and shut her eyes lol"

And comments like this about her 15yr old daughter who is having a hard time. Remembering she is living in a 2 bedroom flat with her brother, 2 new sisters under 2yrs old, and her mum and mums boyfriend.
"as for Daryl i cannot deal with much more of it her constant complaining being ill oh my life is so hard she might be a teenager but the world does not revolve around her"
When I read this to mum she repiled, "send a reply saying DITTO" .... Mum still has her sense of humour.

" it's the way she tells me i don't understand how she feels that mum is gonna die so i told her the other day Yeah i think do that's my mum "

And my sister again regarding visiting mum yesterday.
"Don't wanna do that walk for nothing that's all it's too bloody hot and i got piper in sling still"
And
"I'll go then just don't want to get there then have to leave again straight away cos she can't handle us being there"

Errm we all have to walk there as I can't afford to tax my car, but its our mum FFS!
As for not being able to handle her being there, don't pack the room out, be quiet when she drops off, and just be there for company, not to talk about yourself all day!

Phew, that's better.

 

Michael , Keep your chin up , you have done more than could be wished for to help your Mum and to keep her comfortable.

We're off done to Velindre(cancer hospital) in a bit for Mrs Chip's latest check up so fingers crossed all is well.

Chip

 

All the best with the appointment, fingers crossed its all ok

 

I've got my fingers crossed for both of you too.

 

Another quick update from mums bedside (sorry if this is getting boring)

www.michaelsnasdell.co.uk

Also...I told my sister I had just seen one of the neighbours who had looked on when the ambulance was called, and he was apologising if he seemed rude, but was just concerned. Her response was "Lol nice of him viv must have told him what i said ha ha" ... OR he might bizarrely care about mum to show interest and ask after her. He WANTS to visit her!

*sigh

 

take care michael our thoughts arewith you and your mum youknow where i am if you ever wanna talk

 

cheers Nick. Hope all is well with you these days.

 

Thanks guys, all went well today with next appointment now up to 2 months, still not out of the woods yet but getting there at last. A very good friend of mine, also a poster on here, and his wife have it all to go through now as his wife who is a lovely girl has got breast cancer so thoughts are with them as well.

Chip

 

Very bad day for mum today, in a great deal of pain and distress...

http://michaelsnasdell.blogspot.com/2011/08/not-good-day-for-mum.html?m=1

 

Just read that Snazy, your blog, my thoughts are with you mate, nobody should have to go through that or see someone else go through it, really hope they get her comfortable.

 

Cheers mate. Just spoken to the GP who is making his way up here. He was surprised that she is still in pain after 2 doses of morphine.

Making his way here shortly. Hopefully we will get some news. And mum some relief.

 

My best wishes to you both and also to your friend and his wife.

Les

 

I hope they help her get rid of the pain Snazy.

Les

 

Just a quick message to let you all know that mum passed away about 10 mins ago. She was comfortable at the end, and slipped away peacefully with both myself and my sister here. Thank you for all your support over the years.

 

Very sorry to hear that Michael. My condolences to you all mate

 

Sounds like the "i can't take this anymore"s won. If ever RIP was apt, this is it. Sympathies.

 

My deepest condolences to you and your family Michael, my father passed away from cancer some 9 years ago and even though this is the first time I have posted on this thread as I just found it too upsetting to 'put pen to paper' so to speak.

I went through a very similar experience with my father's illness (pancreatic cancer which spread to his liver), and I would not wish this upon my worst enemy. The illness or the feeling of sheer hopelnesness as someone who had to watch my father slip away, each day getting worse and knowing there was nothing I could do to help or alleviate the illness apart from be there and offer my love and support.

I am not one for expressing myself publically like this, but I felt moved in order to let you know that you are not going through this alone and there are plenty of people on here who can help.