Sounds like most local authoity employees I've worked with
Ah, hold on, that'll be me as well then (just not so much of the old though)

 

Oh, and the supermarket assistant manager who really believes he's made it in life as he's in charge of a team of 16 year olds and acts as if he were the CEO

 

Someone my mate used to work with

The Dreamer:

Always pipes up and butts in when people talk about cars, thinks he knows everything about cars when actually doesn't know anything. His job is only a for now thing of course, as hes buying a garage to sell NOS kits and turbo kits and import skylines, and is about to buy a NISMO 600BHP Skyline......for the past 3 years

The liar (probably been covered)

10th dan Black belt in karate, slept with 500 women all of whoom looked like Sophie Howard. Has 10 cars but oddly always turns up in a 10 year old Punto and even worse thinks everyone believes him

The office fit bird who the other girls talk too but as soon as she leaves call her every name under the sun, bitch slag ***** you name it. Cue the guys overhearing saying "just cos you don't like that" and all of them getting defensive and nasty.

 

My boss reckons that if he gets his Mitsi Animal chipped, he`ll beat my scoob

So that falls into a few categories.

Also the bloke that has been doing the job 5 minutes & think he knows more than you.

 

We had a phantom crapper.

He used to lay a turd 12 inches long, 3 inches in diameter at the base and perfectly conical to a point at the top. It was in the outside khazi at the garage where I worked on a regular basis just sitting straight up out of the water in the bog with no paper!

We couldn't work out for ages what the f*ck was going on until we caught a bloke from the neighbouring nylon mill carrying his sh*t over in a conical device they used for spinning the nylon on to.

Seems it started as a one-off joke but when we found the first turd, so many people came to look that the guys in the mill who were wetting themselves at the attention it achieved, did it several times more and watched us all gathering round to admire the crapper's handiwork!

Actually it was a huge relief to find out that no-one had a 3inch diameter a*seh*le!!

 

Now for some IT related people

Customers

The Sly Liar :

Has to have a laptop set up for them as they are going to China tomorrow, threatening to go to directorate if it isn't done. Then oddly they are work the next day and just snigger when you say "I thought you were going to China today "

The Dodgy old guy:

Soon as you turn up to sort his PC out is asking "do you monitor internet searches here as I need to look for journals on the internet". One month later PC is filled with ****

The Foot Stamper:

Loggs a call saying its "URGENT" as their home page has changed to something else, then chases up the call every 15 mins.....like why is this urgent

The Liar:

Keyboard isn't working, turn up to users room and find a brown sticky keyboard. Its clear that coke has been spilled all over it

Me "Did you spill coke all over it"
Them "No, not sure what happened
Me "doesn't that look and smell like coke to you"
Them "well maybe but it wasn't me and I dont know what happened"

GGGRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Me "Sorry, you cannot use limewire on your PC"
Them "I dont even know what that is I dont even use it"
Me "The Folder was created by you 2 weeks ago and was installed by you, you are downloading MP3's now FFS"
Them "Oh was it? I just clicked something the other day I dont know what happened"

The Manager

Totally useless, takes the credit of what everyone else does, willing to tread on anyone to get to the top, slags off everyone behind their backs etc etc.

Its not all bad where I work honest, just mentioning the bad points here

 

Our whole office is full of them (including me).

Never a dull moment

Here's a common one:

The idiot: Normally a kid on apprenticeship or someone on a work placement scheme.

You explain the task in hand, what to do, how to do it. They say "yeah" after everything you say. Then when you ask "you ok to do that". The reply is always "yeah".

So, off you go to carry on with somthing else with good faith the lad will get on with the job you've just told them. Only to glance up on passing and see him doing something else/wondering round/hitting it with a large hammer etc.