Work Place characters !
 

Given I've only worked in two jobs, one for 6 years the other of just over a year but I moved around in both jobs and worked in quite a few offices and work places. I was just summing up to myself the kind of people everyone has in their work place.. lets see if we can get a list ! 1. The loud women ! Normally over sized.. very bitchy behind peoples backs and kinda shouts when talking as if to say HEY I'm confident !!!! (When I was a manage in a super market I actually made one of these cry!! not on purpose but its all front !! and in most cases.. ass) 2. The know it all bloke. Tends to be older.. about 40 - 50 always comes over when your talking about anything and has an opinion. Nice person normally but annoying most of the time. 3. The most relaxed person in the world ever.. not so common but there is normally a person.. again an older bloke who just takes everything in their stride.. nothing phases them... very calm and relaxed.. really difficult to get them to do anything especially in a panic lol Anyone else?

Yes I can totally relate to person number 1. Large lady and gossips behind everyones backs!

Number 4.

Lager lout/ football mob mentality/soh, thinks everything they do or say is funny especially when running people down, have it in their heads that everyone is the same as themselves.

Refusal to conform to the idea different people exsist.

God i hate those kind of people with a passion, no offence to anyone who is this stereotype. ;)

Oh god have you hit the nail the head.
astraboy.

whys it not letting me space the text ??

Opera is pretty ****

5. The lying muppet who once won the F1 world championship, takes his astra to work as the ferrari is to fast for 'that' road. Has flown any fighter plane that pops up in conversation and learned the guitar from eric clapton. Yet works in a lowly position and thinks everyone believes him. (always male)

You forgot the lazy *******s that although paid a good wage, tries absolutely everthing in there power to get out of doing anything.

I'm working in Jersey at the moment and "the beans" are doing my **** ing head in. Bone idle is an understatement. I'm sorry if a bean reads this and take offence, but I've not met a decent one yet :rolleyes:

Phill

The Colin (fast show)

Comes in after a comedy program and repeats phrases in an annoying way, most likely to wear a stupid tie with star wars characters on

"I want that one"
"yeah but no, but yeah"
"suits you sir"

7.) The one who's never wrong...

sh!t that's me. :smug:

Or the Millionaire who is a cage fighter and spends all day playing on the internet ;)

The smelly one, every office has it's smelly.

1. 'the loner' - the 40something workaholic who lives with his parents, never drinks on work do's but always turns up. dives a rover

2. 'the favorite' - is an absolute shambles when it comes to work, no structure or common sense, but thinks he is head and shoulders above his work-mates and has a close ar5e lick relationship with the boss. drives an astra 1.6

3. 'the ladies man' - always has tales of unlikely conquests with unknown women, drives a megan coupe.

4. 'the rugby player' - work is just an inconvenience in between rugby matches or training, talks constantly about upcoming or past games, totally uninterested in promotion or the bosses request for overtime volunteers. doesn't drive, runs everywhere.

5. 'old school' - believes that everyone is lazy, starts 30min before he has to, never finishes early, never extends lunch breaks, has a moustache. drives a diesel vectra.

thanks to alan,neil,james,mat & dave but you know who you are.

I worked with him at North West Water, claimed to have written Sonic The Hedgehog, claimed his Sunday Supplement replica bomber command jacket was real even though his missus had an identical one and I had seem them in the Mail on Sunday.

OMG... its like you've worked with me !! well no me but one of the lads I used to work with... this like reading about him :notworthy: We had one that had a 4x4 that would text him and tell him it was low on fuel... not sure the point in that but made us laugh.. behind his back of course

Don't forget Mr Perfect

Family man that actually has 2 children plus the 0.2 of a child! He drives whatever frugal family saloon rated highest on NCAP and it has two child seats in the back and a bag of pandrops in the ashtray. It is, of course, diesel or LPG and the aircon only goes on if there is a risk of heat-stroke. He works hard, knows his stuff and plays sports during 3 lunch hours a week (badminton, football and a run). He has a loving and supportive wife who phones him once a day but they don't talk for more than 2 minutes on company time and he's always first in, last out, but somehow has tales to tell non-stop about the bonding and activities he did with his kids (little angels of course). He pays his bills promptly, doesn't frivolously spend money and is always planning for the future of his family.

These guys give me the boak. We had one at our last job and one day we'd gone to a meeting in Edinburgh and finished a little earlier than anticipated. Nobody had eaten and it was a scorcher so we thought we should grab a baguette and sit in Princess Street Gardens. Mr Perfect however, insisted that we get back to the office and that we could eat whilst on the train and regard that as our 'lunch hour'. These guys were born with a manual on how to live the perfect life and they follow it to the letter.

The Office 'Mum', looks after everybody and sorts out all the charity things but doesnt do any work.

The hard bitten, sardonic bloke, thinks everyone else is clueless (usually correct) tosser, always rolling the eyes.

Mystery person, never says anything, comes and goes at the same time every day, nobody knows anything about them.

The Contractor, always on the internet, buying stuff, scanning estate agents websites for buy to let opportunities, claims to be skint when drinks are to be bought.

And then there are those who sit back and watch everybody else stereotyping everyone, usually browse SN all day ;) (joke :D )

I was just thinking about that... wonder if these people know they are like that.. wonder if I'm one of those people ??

hmmm :Suspiciou

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The office fitty, gets promoted beyond her abilities cos she makes the middle aged blokes dribble in the board room, gets away with murder and just has to bat her eyelids to get whatever help she needs, blokes spend hours helping her out in the vain hope they will get in her pants yet she will be hanging round waiting for a second division footballer or someone from Hollyoaks. Drives a Mini or 206 cc.

Mr Tache, a bloke, about 50, still has a Tache despite them being so far away from acceptable.

Mr Goatee, bit bloaty, usually bald but has a Goatee to hide some chins, it doesnt work, it just makes them look like a post operative Female to Male Transexual. Usually a nice bloke. Drives some big old luxury barge.

Trainee, spotty, clueless and still wears those pants with zips on the pockets, un-ironed shirt and novelty tie/socks. Has a top of the range PC used mainly for mastubatory purposes.Generally a bit whiffy and socially inept.Uses the bus

Mr Twatty hair, Garnier Fructis enthusiast and styles his barnet into that junior Estate Agent look despite it not suiting him, earns 12 grand a year yet says 12 'K', drives a massively financed Mini, wears designer lables and drinks only bottled beer in trendy places, usually a lifeform evolved from the trainee, has credit card debt equal to that of a decent size third world country.

The Phanton Crapper, the bloke that uses the bog for sit down and spreads crap everywhere.

The Cleaner, about 50, when she speaks its obvious that she has smoked a thousand fags a day for 45 years, lots of gold, calls you love, smells of toilet cleaner, pilfers massively but is an excellent source of company info and office gossip. Drives a Corsa with millions of teddies and random ****e on the dashboard, halfords stickers with her name/initials, stripes and several other embellishments.

This thread is great :)

The office leech

goes around trying it on with every new female member of staff, only to be rejected time after time.

Fair play, never gives up.

Office Swav Git

Designer suites, drive's an M3, stinks of aftershave, goes on about all the fit birds he shagged at the weekend and shows off all his new latest gadgets he's bought.

That's me!! :D

The bloke that sh1ts a lot... you know the type, always going off for a tommy tit... and takes about 30 minutes... usually has sweaty hands as well :freak3:

Oh, puhleease!.......:eek:...and shakes hands like a wet herring!

The one who runs around like a headless chicken, going on about how busy they are and are the only ones who do any work, but who actually do sod all! :mad:

How about the Militant Lesbian?

We've had one join our office - tries to look like a fat bloke to hide the titties and looks at every (real) bloke like they're an affront to nature.

We've got a couple who live down our road. One of them is really nice, and the other one always has to make a point of telling everyone she's a lesbian, in a sort of 'pick the bones out of that' way. I just don't CARE!!! (Ffs!) :razz:

that sounbds like a lot of members on here:lol1:

:lol: that sounds like a certain member who im mates with darn sarf

*cough* alloy *cough*

ah... heres one for you.

as i work in a warehouse, slightly different to the office types.

MR POWER PISSED. shift leader, who was promoted from trainer, only as he happens to be drinking buddies with the chief executive of the warehouse. early 40's bald, exceedingly overweight, has a face you could slap until your arrested for it. has a problem with everyone "under" him, and abuses his "power" to puch in dinner/clock machine/locker ques.

gives all the attitude look of "im better than you", and constantly wiping the sh*t off his tongue from said cheif executive.

we have one, hes called fatty fatty bum bum, to me anyways