Farting
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From: sweating my ass off in a busy kitchen
Was on a breakfast shift at work a few years back now.I popped into the players bar (i work at a golf club) to grab a coffee. The assistant manager was behind the bar just about to serve the first person of the day. Saw her shift her leg a little bit (trying to let out a sly one) all of a sudden she went white as a sheet slammed the hot milk jug down and ran off.
came back about 5 min later turned to me and said i'll give you £20 if you never tell anyone about this.
turns out she'd been out on the lash the night befor and been on cider and black all night. I don't think i've ever laught so hard in all my life.
came back about 5 min later turned to me and said i'll give you £20 if you never tell anyone about this.
turns out she'd been out on the lash the night befor and been on cider and black all night. I don't think i've ever laught so hard in all my life.
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From: Couch Spud
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From: sweating my ass off in a busy kitchen
Seen that befor and watching again still makes me gag and laugh at the same time.
thought this was quite funny
YouTube - Jurassic Fart
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From: Far Far Away
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From: Darlington
im pretty sure tis must have been posted before but it still makes me laugh
YouTube - matrix fart
Martin
YouTube - matrix fart
Martin
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Matrix fart is funny too
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From: Bumming sheep, hard!
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From: Over Here
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From: St Louis, Missouri. USA./Newcastle UK.
Madras last night so i was a bit potent shall we say.First house i worked in was not in the best of houses,so i nipped me cheeks,hoping the next house i was working in was a bit cleaner.
Second house was nice,lost the urge to "pay a visit" after nipping it for 2 hours.Owner offers me coffe to which i accept,half an hour later the "Gravy Turd" Feeling hits me like a bullet.I shout with desperation to the householder,"Is it ok if i use your toilet",get's the reply yes its ok just at the top to your left.
Whilst letting the Swallows fly,the biggest,wettest Bottom burp happened.
As i knew the householder was in the back room downstairs i was not to embarresed about this.
So proceed to flush,followed by the quick spray of freshner,as bog is flushing to mask the spray noise.Opened the Door,gets back to the job,only for the fittest of home carers to come out of living room and proceed upstairs(she called whilst i was in loo)
She opened the toilet door,to which i had strategicaly closed to keep oders in,and she was hit full force with a smell fabreze cant mask.
needless to say i made a quick exit to me van,read the paper until she left.
Second house was nice,lost the urge to "pay a visit" after nipping it for 2 hours.Owner offers me coffe to which i accept,half an hour later the "Gravy Turd" Feeling hits me like a bullet.I shout with desperation to the householder,"Is it ok if i use your toilet",get's the reply yes its ok just at the top to your left.
Whilst letting the Swallows fly,the biggest,wettest Bottom burp happened.
As i knew the householder was in the back room downstairs i was not to embarresed about this.
So proceed to flush,followed by the quick spray of freshner,as bog is flushing to mask the spray noise.Opened the Door,gets back to the job,only for the fittest of home carers to come out of living room and proceed upstairs(she called whilst i was in loo)
She opened the toilet door,to which i had strategicaly closed to keep oders in,and she was hit full force with a smell fabreze cant mask.
needless to say i made a quick exit to me van,read the paper until she left.
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Madras last night so i was a bit potent shall we say.First house i worked in was not in the best of houses,so i nipped me cheeks,hoping the next house i was working in was a bit cleaner.
Second house was nice,lost the urge to "pay a visit" after nipping it for 2 hours.Owner offers me coffe to which i accept,half an hour later the "Gravy Turd" Feeling hits me like a bullet.I shout with desperation to the householder,"Is it ok if i use your toilet",get's the reply yes its ok just at the top to your left.
Whilst letting the Swallows fly,the biggest,wettest Bottom burp happened.
As i knew the householder was in the back room downstairs i was not to embarresed about this.
So proceed to flush,followed by the quick spray of freshner,as bog is flushing to mask the spray noise.Opened the Door,gets back to the job,only for the fittest of home carers to come out of living room and proceed upstairs(she called whilst i was in loo)
She opened the toilet door,to which i had strategicaly closed to keep oders in,and she was hit full force with a smell fabreze cant mask.
needless to say i made a quick exit to me van,read the paper until she left.
Second house was nice,lost the urge to "pay a visit" after nipping it for 2 hours.Owner offers me coffe to which i accept,half an hour later the "Gravy Turd" Feeling hits me like a bullet.I shout with desperation to the householder,"Is it ok if i use your toilet",get's the reply yes its ok just at the top to your left.
Whilst letting the Swallows fly,the biggest,wettest Bottom burp happened.
As i knew the householder was in the back room downstairs i was not to embarresed about this.
So proceed to flush,followed by the quick spray of freshner,as bog is flushing to mask the spray noise.Opened the Door,gets back to the job,only for the fittest of home carers to come out of living room and proceed upstairs(she called whilst i was in loo)
She opened the toilet door,to which i had strategicaly closed to keep oders in,and she was hit full force with a smell fabreze cant mask.
needless to say i made a quick exit to me van,read the paper until she left.
I had a kebab for dinner, been told if I fart once more I'm sleeping in the garage *lifts leg and lets rip* Thankfully she is downstairs right now, even my eyes are nipping
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From: Bumming sheep, hard!
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Had chilli beef pizza for dinner. So did her indoors. It worked quickest on her and she let rip about 9.00. Minging - even she was choking. I managed to brew one up for about 9.05. I'm not sure if there is a richter scale for farts, but this would have been a 10. The reverberations woke one of the kids. The stench woke the other one about 3 minutes later. House is still boggin' now
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From: cuckoo land
Had a simular thing done to me in a lift..me and a mate in a lift ..mate of mine farted in the lift and got out on one of the middle floors ,the lift goes up one floor and a woman gets in and the door shuts..bluddy embarassing
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From: On a small Island near France
I have a couple of stomach issue so I have no choice but to fart in front of anyone !
The misses is starting to fart infront of me.. after 8 years... but I secretly think its wrong LOL..
Do as I say not as I do... damn I feel ill right now.
The misses is starting to fart infront of me.. after 8 years... but I secretly think its wrong LOL..
Do as I say not as I do... damn I feel ill right now.
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From: Cornwall
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From: Scooby Planet
Girls are the worst at letting one rip..believe they act all innocent but they hide a dark truth..i would never let any girl go for a crap in my bathroom..all the effing toilet ducks and air freshners in the world wouldnt discard the smell..oh and beautifull girls do let em rip too..they just very good at hiding it...
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From: Buckinghamshire
Got two comedians at work, in the same department as me working on the service desk.
For no reason they will let rip a vocal fart, usually when your mid conversation, one of the fella's is good stinking up the whole office.. chuckles all day long.
For no reason they will let rip a vocal fart, usually when your mid conversation, one of the fella's is good stinking up the whole office.. chuckles all day long.
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From: East Yorkshire
For the newbies who wont have seen this thread...
https://www.scoobynet.com/non-scooby...act-women.html
https://www.scoobynet.com/non-scooby...act-women.html