aboredworker

no I dont know this mate, old school mate she said, lives about 20 miles out of town.

Guys, dont mean to be nasty but I dont really want to discuss the ins and outs of our relationship, Im capable of looking after ones self, start the thread for a different reason.

Thanks

falkster

Im not saying dont give her anything but so many times you see peoples heart ruling their minds. I cant say how you feel or what you want but all we can do is advise you what we think you should do because we are not involved and dont know either of you.

Her friends could be saying 'get what you can, he can afford it'

Your friends could be saying 'dont give her anything, she hasnt bought all this stuff'

At the end of the day I hope, as most on here I would think, that she does use this time to think about whats best for her, whats best for you and come to her senses but that usually doesnt happen.

I was in exactly the same situation as you hence the reason why I feel I can comment. Ours was going to be an amicable split until money was mentioned and I spent too much time thinking about how she was feeling (because it was me that was leaving) to give a **** about what I was owed. Im not bitter but dont make the same mistake I did.

SideShowBob

Is keeping the house really worth it at this stage? Why not sell, your contact with her would be minimal, as she isnt staying there anyway, pay her what you owe her, and move on with your life.

It'll be tough, but buy yourself a nice flat, and concentrate on doing up it up nicely (read "**** pad" lol), and move on, the amount of hassle and expense trying to hold onto the house just deosnt seem worth it.

One day, when your situation changes, go buy a better house, but for now, use this as an oppurtunity to move on from what sounds like a pretty ****ty ex, and get on with your life, financially sound at the very least.

aboredworker

Id be on better footings if I kept the house... and keeping the house will probably get me past her rather quickly as opposed to putting it up for sale on a stale market. and FWIW a flat would cost about 40k less than my current 3 bed semi, I think finacially it'll be better to try and hang onto what I have.

mad_dr

Sorry to hear that your relationship is over (oh and by the way - it IS)... I suggest you tell her that she's got 24 hours to make her mind up about what she wants and that during that time, you'll be doing the same. You've been spoiling her by the sounds of it (given that you're a much higher earner than she and that you've paid for everything she wants). She's obviously found a new object of desire and you're now being sidleined as the unwanted partner who is useful to have around to fund her frolicking.

Whoops - I've just seen your post about not wanting to get into the ins and outs so I'll leave it at that...

DITCH HER!

Sorry - that just slipped out!

aboredworker

Is this true? she has contributed to everything we've done, shes always worked, just not earnt anything on significant value, so her share of the bills using say a percentage of her wage is pretty minimal, I dont want some long fight though trying to agree stuff, Ive always seen it that whatever we've earnt has gone into one pot and we've spent the money together. So when we sell everything half is mine half is hers.... etc etc.

DCI Gene Hunt

Never a truer word said.................

jods

Tourettes Mode On :

Bitch, Ermintrude, Come on her Face!!
Woof Woof...
Mioaw

Tourettes Mode Off :

jods

She's gonna clean you out unless you wake up fast, Homie!!!

legb4rsk

Listen up! I used to be a very nice guy before I got divorced after a very long marriage.
She was nice as pie until it came to the money/house split.
Turned in to a stone-cold bitch.Treated me like I was some criminal who had raped & abused her.You have been warned.
Also women suffer from 'monkey syndrome',they wont let go of a one branch until they have a firm grip on another,so you will probably find she has been ******** your best mate for the last few years.I have heard many similar sad tails of the nice guys getting shaffted.
Sorry,but be a boy scout & get prepared.
Make sure you get the max you can & if it all turns out to be nice and innocent you can always give her some money afterwards.

sbk1972

legb4rsk, spot on that man.

Firstly, its over, the trust has gone, if she comes back saying she wants you, you will never 100% trust her and become an insecure wreck everytime she goes out. So, its over.

Secondly, I would start preparaing for war, work out what you want and get advise. I know many a friend that went soft on his woman when splitting up, "We're still friends and I want her to be happy", suck my ***** ! Once a woman wants out, she becomes a cold face, heartless ***** that will screw you for every penny, so dont be a mug!

Mmmm can you feel the bitterness in my mail :-) No need to ask if Ive been cheated on before is there ! hahaahaha

SBK

aboredworker

jods, I refused to take advice from someone who uses the word Homie!!!!!! Shes not going to clean me out, I feel Im being fair splitting all assets down the middles. I cant see how she has any claim to more than that, Im only nice in certain ways.

sbk1972, I dont need you to tell me its over thanks, I can make my own decisions. There is no way she will be claiming more than half of what we have together, thats final. I havent come on here asking how I can avoid her screwing me over have I? :

aboredworker

ohh and bravo, no all house work was split 50/50 ok she did all the ironing but I always swept the floor and mopped up etc, always washed the car whereas she always mowed the lawn cause of my hay fever. Its always been 50/50 same as the money, it all goes in the bank, bills get paid and its spent evenly

sbk1972

aboredworker, its not a case of telling you what is, as at the end of the day you make your own decisions. The point of the message was to hit home the raw truths. My past is littered with relationship break downs like yourself, and as we all know, when your in the circle, raw facts are harder to see / accept, than when your out.

Many a time I convinced myself that things would be different and how I will give her a change or ask her to choose, when the little voice inside was telling me it was over, leave now, I keep trying to get her back.

However, your right, you have come on here, seeking ideas / help. Lets be honest, none of any of the answer here are going to truely help, you will need to go and seek proper legal advice.

What your message does do though.......... is allow many of us to EXPRESS OUR ANGER AT OUR EX's ! :-) My one kept my phucking engagement ring, pawned it in, and spent the £££ on clubbing ! Bloody thing cost me £2.5K ! So, who's the mug now ! I am :-)

One of my friends, who caught his Mrs cheating, how ? well the fact he walked into his flat, she was all nervous trying to push him out, to discover a bloke pulling up his pants in thier bedroom ! hahaha Imagine that !!! He went down stairs and got the wheel brace from his car and then tried to club him !

Anyway, he gave her everything, just wanted out, walked around with nothing, but he said that he didnt mind that, as he would rather have nowt, than any likns with his ex-wife etc.

Not sure how that story helps, but I just love the fact he caught a bloke pulling up his pants in his bedroom ! ***** that ! hahahaah

SBK

Rioja

Ok, from my own experience this is what you need to do; get your own bank account set up as soon as possible, and start getting your salary transfered into it. Unless you have a 'sizable' amount in a shared account, leave it there.

Next get a solicitor involved, you need a letter written to your ex explaining your intensions and financial plans; he will also advise on your position with the mortgage, land registry, pensions etc. You may be able to create a 'Deed of Seperation', which is basically a pre-nup in reverse, which you both sign to agree.

It may seem a bit harsh, but you need to agree these things within the law and be sure you don't create a liability for yourself which you may regret later. Not sure if your married, but this may form the basis of a divorce agreement at a later date.

I don't know how your feeling otherwise, but a bit of counselling helps; honest.

Best of luck

aboredworker

Rioja, thanks for that, sounds like sound advice, we own some shares probably worth around £2000 with her company which I was going to use as a bargaining point (she can keep them if I can reduce the cash I have to find to pay her off) apart from that we dont really have any savings as such. Pensions wise I have 2 but being mid 20's theyre not worth fortunes even though theyve been going since I was 18, Im hoping she'll over look all this and not bother chasing me for anything from them.

As for the Deed of Seperation, sounds like it could be a plan aslong as I can raise the cash for her and take the mortgage on myself or even remortgage in just my name. Although there is still stuff to think about you've helped with that reply. Thanks

p.s. Dont need counciling mate, only thing screwing with my head at the minute is the woman and once shes gone I should be fine.

Rioja

Glad to be of help. An experienced solicitor will help answer alot of your questions, and an idependant mortgage advisor will be able to advise on the best re-mortgage plan. I believe alot of companies are now offering mortgages on an 'affordability' scale rather than X times salary, so you may be surprised.

Regards