Its difficult getting out of the mindset that says, I deserve this, its what everybody else has, I got up to 4 grand on a credit card once, never again.

I wasnt earning enough at the time so I drove a H reg Metro Clubman, shopped at Aldi and never bought anything, it was **** but if thats what you can afford, thats what you have to do, its difficult seeing people with nice stuff (guy over the road just got a Focus ST) and especially coming on here as everybody seeems to be a high rolling, free spending millionaire, some are, most arent and are in debt.

There is no big bang approach to sorting this out unless your numbers come up, igonoring it doesnt work, its all about little long term incremetal steps to the goal of being debt free.

Aldi beans are actually very good.

 

I am surprised she won't help you to be honest, yeah, she would be annoyed but i'd have hoped that she would have taken your side on this (for better and worse etc) everyone has skeletons in their closet. I would be asking her to take on a full-time job to help you both whilst re-mortgaing and/or downsizing the house.

The first step though is admitting it to yourself and your family, this you have done, so well done and good luck.

 

Some good advice here. It's a shame your wife isn't terribly supportive, but after her pesonal experience of watching her mum go through loosing everything, it can't be easy for her. Also her reaction is only a few days old - once she's dealt with the shock a little more she may change her views.

If she doesn't though I would add that if you re-mortgage the house you can get a clause written in that stipulates the split of any equity so it wouldn't automatically be 50/50. You could therefore re mortgage to release some of your share of the equity, without her loosing out financially - I've done something similar in the past, a solicitor should be able to sort you out.

You're not on your own - loads of people have been where you are - and it may take time to sort out, but it does eventually. I've kind of been where your wife is and I took the supportive route, only to get completely fleeced to the tune of £30k and then dumped for my troubles. That was 4 years ago and I'm now 100% happier and pretty much completely debt free.

Also another thought, a guy in my office sells tons of stuff on Ebay - the sort of stuff you'd think no-one would EVER want - and he makes a reasonable amount of money from it. Why not try that to supplement your income? Or a car boot sale or two. Not sure what you do for a living - but if it's computer related could you advertise locally/ word of mouth and fix computers for people for cash in hand at the weekends? Or do pub work? Or anything to bring in a few extra bob!

Good luck with it all - and DON'T give up!

 

Can't believe some of the **** head advice on this site

anyway, check out Martins site here: http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/
it's already helping me, you're not alone anon

 

I can't either, ditching the selfish bitch and taking yet more credit then ******* off to somewhere sunny for 6 yrs sounds better than a life of Aldi beans and driving round in a Fiesta while the wife starts banging some rich pr1ck at the gym.

Then again I've always taken a 'freebooting' attitude toward debt and repayment and where has is got me?

Assets in excess of most people's careful lifetime savings and a life of ease and luxury.

 

Hiya,

Only a couple of recent posts have touched on this, but there are two sides to this equation. 1) is to minimise your expenditure, run a cheaper car, cut out the booze/**** etc, but just as importantly 2) is to maximise your available income.

I'll be frank, as I'm now working my bollox off to get ourselves out of a bit of a hole that my wife and I seem to have landed in through neither of our faults really. I guess I'm fortunate, in that I'm in the kind of job and with the workload that can max out the overtime most months, so would it be possible to see if that's an opportunity at your place? You seem to have a reasonable job, so I don't know if 'overtime' plays a part in your role?

Failing that, try taking on an evening or weekend job, or look to get some money in other ways. There are ways to get a few quid extra extra week, like ebay/doing handyman type jobs for the neighbours/working in a bar etc.

And it has been said, but the other main thing really is to work out everything you spend out every month. Everything! Don't forget to include those irregular payments that don't pop up every month like car tax/insurance, birthday and christmas pressies, vet bills, etc. It's very therapeutic to get your head round all your expenditure and then start going throught things saying "we don't need that; that's a luxury, it can go" etc and putting a cross through them. Then add up all you've crossed off and you may be surprised.

Finally, you really do need to remind the misses of her obligations as a wife. Yes, you've done wrong here, of that there is no doubt, but she IS your wife, and how would she feel if the tables were turned and it was her in this position? Better or worse, richer or poorer etc. Either she's with you or she's not. She can't carry on as is nothing's happened and expect to continue like you can continue subsidise a joint lifestyle like perhaps she's accustomed to.

Good luck.

Simon

 

I thought the general advice in this thread was a level above the usual stuff actually.

 

Just taken £150k of loans out,all I need now is a corpse to fake my own death,anyone have one going spare in their basement?

 

Your right into this idea are you not ??

 

good advice ERA, get rid of all those niggling debts, and turn them into one great huge overwhelming burden


In Despair....I have no sympathy whatsoever. The words 'bed', and 'lie in it' spring to mind

 

in fact scrap ^ that, buy a 6 series soft-top

 

Have you tried these companies that promise to have you out of debt in 5 years? even if you havent repaid the full amount? heard it on the radio a few times. I know lots of people in debt so you aint alone. I think your wife could be a bit more supportive after all its not like you've spent all the money and not got her anything with it, you should both sit down and work it all out maybe cut back on the amount of take out you eat or how many times a month you go out.

The only reason you admitted what you've done is because she was pressuring you into a holiday you couldnt afford and you felt guilty would you of told her if she didnt ask for a holiday?
I hope you sort this out suicide isnt the answer to this as you have a family to support and think of all the people who care about you anyway. take care and get it sorted
Steph x

 

Read the post, consolidate into one affordable payment you feejit.

 

How the hell did you get the mortgage with those sort of concurrent repayments ?

Something doesn't add up IMO.

 

Anyone who says suicide isnt a viable option or os for cowards, aint been down the same road as our thread starter!!!!

Ive been there, albeit it not as bad, but its an option that goes throuigh your mind.

talking to banks and lenders is easy compared to talking to the other half, believe you me!!!

My wife was right royally pissed off, but supported me when the bubble burst, And we both had a part in the spending, so we treated it as a joint recovery plan.


and dont think your loverly lenders will play ball, i had one who took the easy option and sold the debt to a collection agency... for 2 years they harassed me chasing money. I can well understand why people kill themselves when the debt collectors start, forget the civil agreements you see them doing on tv!!!

They do threaten you, phone you at work, in the late evening, harrass members of your family, threaten what they will do if you dont talk to them.
.. I have the guys name who did it last time, one day our paths will cross, and i,ll return his charm wit and pleasantries, in the same manner!!

The CAB will no longer handle debt cases, but refer you to independant debt agencies

IVA's are not all there cracked up to be, the companys from whom your trying to remove the debt from, may, and can if they want, place a charge on your property, which means you would have to sell to clear the debt. So it can be no different to bankrupcy

Mart

 

If you have no property then IVAs are a waste of time, bankruptcy is easily the best option.

Also I don't think you pay tax during the year that you are bankrupt. You are supposed to use a nil rate. Does anyon know how that works because it seems to me like you are getting quite a good deal.

 

The best advice so far is from Diablo. In addition to thinking about that I believe you might want to consider a more personal approach.

Others have hit the nail on the head when they talk about how you approach this mentally. With a mindset of long term indebtedness, feeling guilty about the situation with your wife you are unlikely to be at your most resourceful.

I have sent you a PM as I have some material that you may find useful. I am currently working with a Doctor who had £130,000 of credit card debt when I first met her and she has been making good progress.

(And head off those who think it, this is not a plug as I never charge personal clients, my corporate clients more than reward me to give me the time to support individuals for free!)

Whatever you choose to do - good luck!

PS Life companies can pay out for suicide at their discretion - however since you have very publicly stated that this was your intention then you can regard this door as being well and truly shut!!

 

Well done that man

 

some good advice on here

Im glad I live up north

where you can get a decent house for £150k ,childcare would be half yours but so would the salery

I pay my sales staff 15K - 20k and they all manage ok

i think its all about watching the pennys

i always say to myself

would i die it I dont buy it ?

Is it a bargain ? , as they are normally impulses in shops anyway

Good advice is make your own sarnies !!

cheap suits from ASDA

make do with old things

forget keeping up with the jones next door (which is typical of living in Red brick commuter posh estates which everyone has debts on !!

and CUT up your credit cards

only deal in cash

when your cash has gone thats it untill you are paid again

Go and talk to OAPs on a tight budget lots of them survive on £50 a week and still smile


Lordys tight fisted advice from a man who earns less then 43K now with no morgage 450 k house and misses with no job who keeps the house clean and tidy and survives on £25 pocket money from me every week

 

Must be some size of a house for "oop north"

 

Oh boy....

You could write a novel around that.....

Or perhaps a Pop Ballard...

 

From the date of bankruptcy until the end of that financial year (April), you are set to zero Tax rate, BUT, all of that money goes to the Official Receiver to go towards paying creditors, it is not yours to keep !

 

Obviously, but if you were on £60-70k or more that's a sizeable chunk that you normally wouldn't have that goes towards your debts.

 

Thank you all again for your supportive comments. Can I also thank the individuals who have taken the time to send me a PM, which I will be replying to. Even those who have come up with stupid comments have managed to make me raise a smile (which I haven't been doing much of lately), so thanks to you too.

My wife and I talked alot last night, most of the night in fact. There were tears and there was shouting, but she seems a little more supportive now, perhaps the initial reaction was just shock. She remains exceptionally angry, but more betrayed than anything.

eBaying some personal effects is something I have certainly considered and whilst I don't have much of real value, I have hundreds and hundreds of DVD's which quite frankly aren't a necessity anymore.

Again, thanks for the comments. In the 4 - 5 years I've been a regular on SN, I've never seen so much sense in one thread

 

you dont pay tax for the year you are bankrupt but you have to pay that to the people who deal with the dept and they pay the companys you owe with it they also ask you to fill in forms with what you spend each month any left over £100 i belive they take but they dont take house hold stuff unless youve got a 5k tv sat in your bedroom cars they will take unless you can prove you need it for work, brankruptcy is max of 1 year but it stays on credit rating for 5 years then your clear

 

An update for those of you who have taken an interest or made a comment.

I spoke yesterday with the Consumer Credit Councelling Service (CCCS) who are a charity, effectively funded by the government and financial instituations. They promised unbiased and completely impartial advice.

They identified that there are 2 types of debt - "primary" (utility bills, car insurance, tv licenece, mortgage etc) and "secondary" (those which are unsecured loans, credit cards, store cards etc). Of course, the primary debts are the ones which must be paid to ensure a roof over your head, and food and warmth etc.

First thing they told me to do was to open a new bank account, one with an ATM card but with no cheque book or overdraft facility and get my salary paid directly into this account. Move all the direct debits for the primary debts to this account, too ensure that my current bank (which i have a loan and credit card with) don't take any additional money out or 'freeze' my account. I did this yesterday, but ut was too late to have my salary paid into it as I got paid this morning.

The second thing to do is to inform all my creditors that I am in a sticky situation and inform that I am seeing a debt councellor from the CCCS. I spoke to some of them yesterday who sympathised, but wouldn't suspend the accrual of interest. I will endeavour to make payments to all of them this month, but some may not make the minumum payments, hence the reference to the CCCS.

Roll on the 8th, when I may found out exactly where I stand!!

Thanks again for the nice PM's (and not so thanks to the ***** who want to pass judgement )

 

Good Luck with the debts - at least you're on some sort of road to a solution now .

 

Well done for taking some constructive steps towards digging yuorself out of this hole.

I was in exactly the same boat around 10 years ago (almost to the penny) but at that time I had no wife to consider.

It takes discipline and resolve to dig yourself out and you must resist the impulse to just spend when you have a down day and you think "**** it, I've done so well and I'm just so pissed off that I want to buy X,Y or Z or whatever. Sick of having no cash etc

Once the 8th is passed and you've made arrangements with creditors you wil have no idea just how much better you will feel. You've been burying your head for so long and living a lie that relief will be an understatement.

Good luck but remember it's a tough few years ahead but ultimately so rewarding when you finally oget back in the black

 

I am unable to offer advice since I don't have much to do with financial affairs, only my own simple arrangements.

I wish you all the best since I can imagine how you are feeling at the moment.

Les

 

CCCS are a fantastic free company, I used them to help my ex sort out all of his debts. once again they are free and they explain everything that you need to know, they also help you with letters to send to the companys or in your case as you are working they sort out a payment, which is paid to them, and then they deal with all of the creditors. You need to make sure you are truthful with them though otherwise you will be in the same position.

http://www.cccs.co.uk/

Tams