In Despair

I am a regular SN user, but am choosing to write this thread as a new user, for obvious reasons.

After years and years of credit card and personal loan abuse, mainly as a result of my love of cars, beer and women (probably in that order if I'm honest), I have finally realised that I have got myself into so much debt that I can no longer keep my head above water. To make matters worse, I have, until now, kept it from my wife. It all came to a head on friday when she wanted to book a holiday which I can't afford to pay for and I had to come clean.

I'm in my late 30's, have a stable job earning £43K a year, but have personal debts of £62K, yes, sisty two thousand pounds. This is currently spread over 3 personal (unsecured) loans and 3 credit cards.

I have a house, which is worth about £250K, with a mortgage of £208K.

My wife works part-time, and as the bigger earner, I pay for the mortgage and all the bills on a monthly basis. The balance of my salary seems to go on my debts and I seem to be borrowing more just to pay for food, petrol to work etc etc.

When I told my wife of my predicament on Friday night, she hit the roof. Not surprisingly, she is very upset and told me that I should have made her aware of my situation before we got married 5 years ago, as least she would then have been aware of what she was getting into. It doen't help that her dad went bankrupt in the early '90's and her mum lost everything as a result. She therefore considers that if I start defaulting on payments (which I have never done) then they would come after her.

My parents, both retired, could be described as financially comfortable, and it's possible they may help by lending me something, but I have yet to address the issue with them (seeing them on wednesday to discuss, but they at present have no idea). My wife, whilst saying she will not financially help me, has said that she won't leave me as a result. I was slightly surprised, as I had half expected to kick me out there and then. I am now in the spare room, however, as I have effectively lied to her all these years.

Every possible thought has gone through my head in the last days. Yes, I'm ashamed to say that suicide is one of them (my death would effectively write of all debts as they're insured and my I have more than adequate life assurance) but this is something I would not want to do and certainly see this as selfish (I also have a 4 yr old son).

I don't want to be bankrupt, as this will ruin my credit rating forever (if I haven't done that already) and I've heard of IVA's, but don't know what these are. Short of borrowing some more on the mortgage (which the wife doesn't want me to do as it's half her house and the equity in the house is the only liquid asset she has) I don't know what to do.

It's fair to say that I am feeling lower than I have ever felt in my life. I can't sleep, I'm not eating and I'm not functioning properly at work, which my colleagues have noticed. As I work with investments, it's not appropriate to inform them of my position as I could lose my job.

Has anyone got any help or advice for me? And yes, before anyone says it, I realise I have been exceptionally stupid and irresponsible.

Thanks.

Anon.

Maz

iTrader: (34)

Without stating the blindingly obvious mate I would suggest talking to a debt solution agency. Consolidate the whole debt into one monthly repayment that you can afford and go from there. Maybe cut back on your lifestyle and work with your other half to create a help plan. If you stick together this is not insurmountable.

sti-04!!

I wouldnt say that you have damaged your credit rating either, if your paying these loans & paying them on time everytime, then your rating will be healthy.
Good luck sorting it all out

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Is the mortgage in your name or joint?

sti-04!!

Do you have any assets or is everything on credit ??

OllyK

Go to Ocean finance - you may even have enough left over to buy a new car or go on holiday

Seriously - start talking to the people you owe money to, explain the situation and try and negotiate different payment terms, they'd rather get their money back over and extra few years than see you go bankrupt and them get nothing. Call the citizen's advice bureau!

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Or take out a **** off great loan,stash the cash,sign the car and house to your mum or dad. Declare yourself bankrupt and stick to fingers up to the greedy banks

darlodge

My advice, i'm not an expert so a Debt solution Agency (and not one from a TV advert) as Einstein said, would be the best bet. They can advise you best without runbbing your nose in it. Getting into debt is very easily done.

The programs on TV, like Bank or Mum and Dad, and Money something take a look at bank statements, bills, loan terms and rates etc. and devise a plan to work to.

Just so you can get your head and the missues head around this, make a clear list of ALL and I mean ALL outgoings and incomings. Include everything.

Your live style will need to change, and you will have to make sacrifices, but it will be worth it in the long run. Its better it's out there in the open.

Darren

Reality

re-mortgage seems the obvious route to me.

Anything else and you'll be paying for 200+ years.

Oh - and cut up all credit cards etc and sell your expensive "toys".

ps Pretty sure life Insurance doesn't pay out for suicide and your kid will be fcuked for the rest of it's life

MY00PPP

hope it all works out.

not been in same situation but heard these lot are a good place to start. part government funded (i think) so unbiased advise a plenty.

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/

TelBoy

Lots of people in this situation, or close to it. Your wife was probably the hardest conversation, talking to a debt councellor should now be a piece of cake. So pick up the phone and call one. Debt consolidation isn't the greatest experience you'll ever go through, but it will show you that there can be light at the end of the tunnel, something which is obviously of great importance to you right now. Hope it all works out ok.

lozgti

Sadly these transactions can be set aside.

It might seem the end of the world but its not.There are so many solutions to it.

I have a feeling that a majority of the country is actually living like this so don't think you are alone.

dashpig

A free debt solution could be to talk to the Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS).

They will work out your income vs expenditure and see what's left over in reality to pay your creditors.

THIS MAY WELL AFFECT YOUR CREDIT RATING as you will not necessarily be able to pay the full amount each month back to them.

The CCCS also have no teeth when it comes to stopping interest being added to the loans etc you have, that will still continue to be added

An IVA needs to be agreed i believe with all your creditors before it can be put into place - one does'nt agree with it, you can't go down that route

My only other advise is to seek an Independant Financial Advisor and v.soon

I really hope it works out for you mate

Markus

I agree with this. It might be dependant on the policy, but I'd be very surprised indeed if a life insurance policy paid out if you comitted suicide, so your family would end up with nothing at all, and you'd have killed yourself for nothing.

Asking on here is one thing, but you really need to seek professional advice and quickly.

ScoobyTal

It appears to me that you are living far beyond your means..

Hard Steps to take but .....

1. You are on a fantastic wage and all your money seems to be going on dept repayment.

2. You live in a 250K house but also have a massive mortgage.

3. You probably drive a expensive car that is just to expensive to run ??

SO THIS IS THE DIFFICULT BIT ....

You need to get back on to dry land before you drown because at the moment you are living a lie..

Move to a smaller house for a few years (you cant afford the one you have got)

Sell the Cars buy a sensible one for a few years

Set up a long term plan to pay of your debts in will take years but you will get there.

You probably think this is bolloxs but its the only way forward stay away from these debt people they are for mugs.

You are not in that bad a situation you owe in real terms 20k if you sell your house why not move to a 180k house ??

I think its reality check time.

BTW I bet there are loads of people on here in 100s of thousands of pounds worth of dept.

I am not, I have a new golf gti, and a 30k mortgage ..... I only earn 28k a year and have never been given a penny that I havnt earned, I only live in a 145K house ( I cut my cloth accordingly!!!)

Things ain't that bad they will work out if your wise

Good luck

Tal

scoobynutta555

It would be a lot easier if you didnt own any property, bankrupting yourself is a much easier process these recent years. Bloke at work did this after spunking 57 grand on drugs and bmws.

As you do have a house I'd be looking at remortgaging the one you have. What car do you have now? May be worth selling it for something like a ka (just bought one on Ebay for 2.5k 03 reg) low running costs and low capital outlay on the purchase. At the very least drastically cutting your expenses at least shows youe wife that you're taking things very seriously, repenting etc etc.

Another option is to sell your house and get something cheaper, although this wouldn't go down to well with the wife I assume

Whatever happens, DO go and seek independent financial advice. Any one who goes on about debt consolodation through extra loans then simply punch them in the face.

OllyK

Because by the time he's paid out fees etc, he'll have saved next to nothing.

David Lock

Depending on your relationship with your parents may be they could help with a longish term loan at sensible rates i.e. a bit above what they might get if they invested cash or if they took out a mortgage. You will be only too aware of the rip off rates charged by credit card companies. Paying £62k capital back over 10 years is £516 per month which might be manageable? I got into debt as a student and thought the world had ended. But of course it hadn't. Very, very best of luck. Buy your super wife some flowers - to hell with the expense dl

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Bugger Unless you have hardly any assets,guess bankruptcy is not a viable option then.

Dont think you are alone though 1000's of people are in the same situation,sadly our economy has been propped up by consumer debt for a while now.
Had a mate at work who after his girlfriend left him, was struggling to pay his £800 a month mortgage. And ended up in **** creek with his credit cards after using them to run the car and buy food etc.
He used to come into work saying if it wasnt for his daughter he would have topped himself He ended walking away from everything and 18 months down the line never seen him happy.


Nothing is worth topping yerself over,once the reaper gets you you aint never coming back so make the most of life

The Snug Rhino

on the up side if you dig yourself out with a bit of hard work you'll have a credit rating better than Donald Trumps

Jay m A

iTrader: (2)

If you've got 40k in the house that your wife considers non-negotiable then you can always downsize and keep the 40k in a house worth 180k. If you have a repayment mortgage then you can always remortgage to an interest only one until you can afford to repay the house. This will release quite a bit a month to start off with.

You haven't mentioned any cars but if its a scoob I'm sure it'll turn into a diesel mondeo.

You've got a good job, don't let that get away from you in your current state, dig in and get on with it

62k is a lot but it is do-able, especially if you talk to the right people to get monthly outgoings sustainable whilst repaying the loans.

You've done the hardest part by admitting you've fcuked up royally - you have a supportive wife too, chin up

good luck

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

See if the banks are stupid/greedy enough to let you rack up £1million in loans, bury your £1million of bootie on a desert island, then declare yourself bankrupt.
Then just wait to you are clear and bobs your uncle

just dont forget the treasure map

amazinggrace

Only a selfish barsteward would think of suicide

Sell the house and move somewhere cheaper, with a lower morgage. You say your house is worth 250 with a morgage of 205, thats 45k for a start. Since you have a big salary see if you can get a 100% morgage for your next house, then you don't have to use any of the equity for a deposit. Yeah your missus will be pissed that she has to move to a smaller or not as nice area but would she rather you went bankrupt?

Brendan Hughes

http://bbs.scoobynet.co.uk/showthread.php?t=462172

Rabid

Quite serious here, your wife's attitude sucks, particularly the comments about her 'knowing what she was getting into'.

" My wife, whilst saying she will not financially help me" -******* bitch, get everything put in her name then do this:

My advice is this, go into debt even more, as much as possible, move the cash somewhere safe and go and live in Spain for 5 or 6 years while kicking the wife into touch and getting yourself a nice, firm, fresh woman in Spain.

I can't believe you are even talking about suicide. Surely crime is better than topping yourself?

DCI Gene Hunt

Get your **** over to a forum with experience in debt management........ such as http://myvesta.org.uk .......the buy your wife some flowers brigade on here ain't worth listening too....................

StickyMicky

here in lies the problem....................


LEND SPEND LEND SPEND


honestly, its like fat people complaing about getting fat


stop eating/spending
start living

is this Gordon Brown

sti-04!!

kingofturds

iTrader: (1)

Sounds like gb ,borrowing more and more money every year,frittering it away with nothing to show for it. And with no clue how he is going to pay it back

Reality

It's selfish barsteward's that commit suicide. Most people have "thought" about suicide to varying degrees (unless they're perfect of course).