Originally Posted by *pseudonym*

Hi all.

I'm sure you'll understand the desire for anonymity, hence the newbie registration. Please allow me to apologise in advance for any rambling.

I'm having relationship difficulties and don't quite know what to do. Before I start, I'm not looking to be judged, so if your morals differ from mine, please do not lecture or patronise me, its not what I need right now.

Basically my wife and I have been fighting. A lot. We have been together for more than ten years and thing have become really stale. Its got to the stage where we don't really have much fun together anymore. It always moaning or arguing and its getting us both down. I feel we are simply a "habit" now

We more or less live each day as it comes and I don't look too far ahead. When things are really bad, I seriously contemplate walking away, but to date I've always stayed to try and patch things up and repair the relationship.

Also, I have always been faithful to my wife, even though I have had more than a handful of "opportunities", but I've always exerised self control when other men may not. Recently we have been less and less "active" yet I have still tried to patch things when some folk may simply look elsewhere.

Anyway, recently, I have become really close to a girl at work. She is everything my wife isn't and shows me loads of attention and I have real fun with her. She too is married so I wouldn't consider pursuing her, but recently I have gotten to like her a lot more. I *think* the feeling is mutual, but being a guy, I'm crap at reading signs, but several folk have commented on her being into me. It started off just flirting at work, then texts and phone calls. Now I'm seriously picturing myself with her, although I don't want to leave my wife.
I guess what I'm saying is that I fancy her, both physically and emotionally.

Its not just a physical thing though, as my wife is just as attractive as the other girl, in fact many men would say more attractive, so its not just a case of sowing oats.

I know this doesn't make sense and for that I apologise. I'm simply transferring my thoughts onto the keyboard.

I just want the fun back and I think that my wife and I probably resent each other a tad for the lack of fun we have, compared to years ago.

I have no intention of hurting my wife, and if I thought my direction in life was definitely going to change, I'd end it first before embarking on something else, but I'm scared of such a huge life changing decision.
Either way, I guess I'm going to have to do something as it's simply not working.
I feel that I have lost the will to work at it and I simply play each day out, waiting on the next.

I don't even know if I am asking for advice or simply venting off. I felt I needed to get my feelings off my chest as I don't have anyone who I'd talk to about this as my close friends are also my wife's.

Sincere apologies for such a dry post, but my head is bursting.

Originally Posted by jimmie_cal

Pseudonym, If your still about after almost a year later, what route did you decide to take.
I only ask as your situation is identical to mine.

Originally Posted by *pseudonym*

Well I must admit I was extremely surprised to see this thread crop up after all this time.

What route did I take?

To be honest, the situation hasn't had major changes. Its pretty much the same. The wife and I haven't sought counselling, which I think we should have/should do. We still fight loads and there has been lots of harm done to the relationship.

Regards the other woman, it turned out my suspicions were right. She wanted to leave her husband for me if I were into her and willing to leave my wife

As it happens, I haven't left my wife and she's still with her husband, so I have no idea what would have happened had I embarked on that path.

The advice that I would give to someone who was in my shoes is, make the difficult decisions NOW and act on them, no matter who you fear you'll hurt.

If you decide to make a go of it with the wife, then get help. Relationship counselling is a must as its night on impossible for two folk at odds to sort things out themselves.

Originally Posted by SiDHEaD

I spent ages reading that to find it was a year old... i hate it when that happens