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I think i may have a slight problem :(

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Old 12 November 2004, 02:52 PM
  #61  
Redkop
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Jeez you blokes are so graphic!

ROFLMAO
Old 12 November 2004, 02:56 PM
  #62  
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Really sorry to hear, Fingers crossed i never have to go through this. Its one of my fears in life...


Also am i the only one who thought that the title said " I think i may have a sight problem"

Obviously i do !
Old 12 November 2004, 02:57 PM
  #63  
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Where is Norman D Landing? He must have something to contribute to this thread?
Old 12 November 2004, 02:58 PM
  #64  
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Get your girlfriend to lick and caress it.
Old 12 November 2004, 02:59 PM
  #65  
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Originally Posted by Senior_AP
Get your girlfriend to lick and caress it.
Thats sick!!
Old 12 November 2004, 03:11 PM
  #66  
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Just what the Doctor ordered.

Haemorrhoids (Piles)
Haemorrhoids (often known as Piles) are enlarged and engorged blood vessels in or around the back passage (anus). These may be associated with pain, bleeding, itching and feeling as if a lump or bump is hanging down.

Symptoms

You may notice a pain or ache around the anus and lower bowel (rectum), which can be really quite severe.
There may be itching of the area.
There may be bleeding from the back passage. This will be bright red blood, not usually mixed in with the motion, but often seen on the toilet paper.
There is often a feeling of something coming down, or a bulge or lump at the anus.
If a haemorrhoid at the outside of the anus gets a blood clot in it (thrombosed external pile) it leads to a particularly tender, hardish lump.
Causes
Haemorrhoids are very common. They are said to be more common in countries where the diet has traditionally been more processed and low in fibre. The main contributory causes are those things that cause us to raise the pressure in the abdomen. This causes the blood vessels to swell and become engorged.

It seems that the people most at risk of developing haemorrhoids are those who have more causes for raised abdominal pressure, such as:

Those chronically straining with constipation.
After or during pregnancy. Here, the baby may actually press on the main blood vessel that returns blood to the heart (the vena cava).
Overweight people.
People with heavy lifting jobs.
Diagnosis
Most episodes of trouble from haemorrhoids come and go quite quickly. If simple measures do not help or the problem is lasting, keeps returning or worsening, then you should see your doctor, especially if you have any other associated symptoms eg weight loss; change of bowel habit; slime (mucus) in the motions; darker, changed blood mixed in with the stools.

Your doctor will ask a few questions and is likely to examine you and may want to feel inside the anus with a gloved finger. Sometimes he will look inside with a metal instrument. This enables him or her to confirm the diagnosis, and to rule out other, more serious problems such as cancer.

Treatment
It is usually best, with haemorrhoids, to get by with the least treatment possible, as even after the most extensive treatments they may still return.


Many times they will settle down over a matter of days without any treatment.
Cream or suppositories (bullet-shaped tablets to be inserted into the anus) may be bought over the counter, or your doctor may prescribe one. These soothe itching and pain, and cause swelling and bleeding to diminish.
Cold compresses, even ice can be helpful.
If you do not get better with these approaches, your doctor may ask a specialist to see you who may:

Put little rubber bands round the haemorrhoids, which will cause them to shrivel and wither away.
Inject a substance into the haemorrhoids which causes them to wither away (sclerotherapy).
Cut away the problem, usually under a general anaesthetic.
Prevention
Haemorrhoids are very common, and will occur anyway, but, as implied above, useful aspects of prevention are:

Avoid becoming overweight, and lose weight if you are.
Eat a high fibre diet.
Exercise regularly.
Old 12 November 2004, 03:13 PM
  #67  
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Originally Posted by Scooby-Doo
My first was at 20 trying to squeeze one out in a motorqway services so my day at Alton Towers wasn't interrupted. Spent most of the day wondering why my rear end was itchy. Having a shower in the hotel that evening was greeted with "What the ****............" Thought it was a clingon to begin with and tried to rip it off
I can't read this any more, it's just too funny!
Old 12 November 2004, 03:21 PM
  #68  
Redkop
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Originally Posted by John Catlin
Your doctor will ask a few questions and is likely to examine you and may want to feel inside the anus with a gloved finger. Sometimes he will look inside with a metal instrument.
If you do not get better with these approaches, your doctor may ask a specialist to see you who may:

Put little rubber bands round the haemorrhoids, which will cause them to shrivel and wither away.
Cut away the problem, usually under a general anaesthetic.
Holy **** AFPMSL poor Capacious
Old 12 November 2004, 03:24 PM
  #69  
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Originally Posted by Redkop
Thats sick!!
I've seen worse on the international network believe me!!!
Old 12 November 2004, 03:25 PM
  #70  
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Originally Posted by Senior_AP
I've seen worse on the international network believe me!!!
I do believe you AP, believe me!!
Old 12 November 2004, 03:35 PM
  #71  
David Lock
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Didn't our Norman end up in clink IIRC? Perhaps prison showers are best avoided in the circumstances..... DL
Old 12 November 2004, 03:49 PM
  #72  
Spoon
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Norman may well have ended up in the clink but this poor sod has ended up with a cling!

Give it a name whilst you share pant space with it, you never know, you might just become attached to it.
Old 12 November 2004, 03:54 PM
  #73  
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make sure you dont wear any man thongs for the time being, can image that could make life a little more uncomfortable.
Old 12 November 2004, 03:56 PM
  #74  
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Yeh, and don't go swimming just in case the kids in the pool start to kick it around.
Old 12 November 2004, 03:59 PM
  #75  
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Or these:



They can also inject a sclerosing substance that withers the pile away

Last edited by Scooby96; 12 November 2004 at 04:03 PM.
Old 12 November 2004, 04:01 PM
  #76  
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Don't bend down near any pesky kittens. Feline claws & teeth in that thing will ruin your day.
Old 12 November 2004, 04:04 PM
  #77  
Scooby96
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Redkop - would it be ok if he didnt have piles?
Old 12 November 2004, 04:14 PM
  #78  
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only read the first page. i cannot continue. this is too funny.
Old 12 November 2004, 04:22 PM
  #79  
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Old 12 November 2004, 04:43 PM
  #80  
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Angry

The poor fella is in turmoil and all you can do is make jokes about him, shame on you all!!
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Pete
Old 12 November 2004, 04:44 PM
  #81  
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Just cos you're a turd tickler Pete - I can see why you're sympathising, had plenty yourself av ya?
Old 12 November 2004, 04:46 PM
  #82  
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Originally Posted by Scooby96
Just cos you're a turd tickler Pete - I can see why you're sympathising, had plenty yourself av ya?
EH??

Pete
Old 12 November 2004, 04:47 PM
  #83  
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Gold wheels too hey?
Old 12 November 2004, 04:51 PM
  #84  
Redkop
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Originally Posted by Scooby96
Redkop - would it be ok if he didnt have piles?
Would what be ok?
Old 12 November 2004, 04:53 PM
  #85  
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Pissy has had is arsé redirected to a bag so the only piles he has now is piles of washing.
Old 12 November 2004, 04:55 PM
  #86  
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Originally Posted by Spoon
Pissy has had is arsé redirected to a bag so the only piles he has now is piles of washing.
Might come to that yet, as a temporary measure if it gets too big
Old 12 November 2004, 04:56 PM
  #87  
Andy Porter
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Originally Posted by Freak
Learn to wag it instead and have an amazing party trick!
**** windmill eat your heart out
Old 12 November 2004, 05:07 PM
  #88  
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Thumbs up

Originally Posted by Redkop
Might come to that yet, as a temporary measure if it gets too big
Do you think that's why bum bags were originally invented then?
Old 12 November 2004, 05:08 PM
  #89  
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have it shrunk, and pop it on an earring..

imagine the hard man image,,

yea i ripped it off cos it was giving me grief!!!!!


i ripped the flap of skin of my head when i skalped myself,

i have the pink spot to prove it too!!


M

got to say it

i,ve never laughed so much in ages!!!




*****


Mart
Old 12 November 2004, 05:14 PM
  #90  
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this thread is funny as ****


Quick Reply: I think i may have a slight problem :(



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