Why is it that the funniest things are the sickest

Mikey

 

He's also told me...
Q. What's the hardest part of a cabbage to eat?
A. The wheelchair.

 

PMSL stop! Im crying here!!!

 

OK, I'm not sure he is a so-called "spastic" if that's the term you're meaning. He has however, been in a wheelchair for his whole life after being brain-damaged at birth.

 

Little boy goes to his mother "Mum, Is it bad for boys to have a *****?"
"No, why?"
"Cos dad's upstairs sweating to death trying to pull his off"

 

****Possible slight bad taste alert*****

Why are women like parking spaces....





















The best ones are always taken...and the ones that are left are disabled

 

After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened last night?"

"As usual, you made an *** of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife.

"**** on him," answered the husband.

"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."

"Well, **** him," said the husband.

"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."

 

A survey on how Farmers around the country **** their sheep.

The surveyor goes to Devon " so Devon farmer, how do you **** your sheep" ?

DF: "Well i stick their back legs in my welly boots and put their front legs over the wall, they cant get a way, good ****."

Surveyor: "I see, thanks"

Surveyor visits Norfolk "Norfolk farmer, how do you **** your sheep" ?

NF: "Well i stick their back legs in my welly boots and put their front legs over the wall, they cant get a way, good ****."

Surveyor: "I see, thanks"

Surveyor visits Scotland "Scotland farmer, how do you **** your sheep" ?

SF: "Well i stick their back legs in my welly boots and then i turn them around and put their front legs over my shoulders, good ****"

Surveyor: "dont you stick their front legs over the wall so they cant get away "?

SF: "WHAT, AND MISS OUT ON ALL THAT KISSING !!!"

 

 

More possible bad taste...


Paul McCartney is doing his Christmas shopping,
He decides to buy Heather a new artificial leg
He wraps it up, takes it home and hides it in the wardrobe.
However, Heather is doing her housework a couple of days later, and she
finds it

-So she phones up Paul, and says
"That's really nice of you, but I hope it's not my MAIN Christmas
present?"
Paul says:-.



"No, it's just a stocking filler"

 

HAHAHAHAHA

At a recent taliban briefing, the leader expressed concerns about allied infiltrations into the ranks. As a result internal patrols were to commence with immediate effect.
First patrol would consist of Abdul, Mohammed, Achmed and Dave

 

OMFG!!! PMSL!!!!!

 

3 sisters - Annie, Jenny & Fanny - all have big feet.

One day, Annie and Jenny go on a double date and one of the dates remarks on how big their feet are.

Annie says "you think our feet are big? You should see our Fanny's - they're massive!"

 

Why diddnt the hippy life guard save the drowning man....... becaus he was too far out man !

 

The Italian Virgin
Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous.

But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairylegs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."

So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."

 

WHy did the australian police have to mount a full scale search after an english tourist asked where the toilet was - They told him it was "out back"

 

"Stop it stop it"

 

<flame suit on>

An Irishman has been found hung from a tree with a white hood over his head.

Aparently he found a magic lamp and his first wish was to be hung like a ni99er.

 

PMSL

 

LMFAO

 

URGENT APPEAL...

Mongo is a little Zambian Orphan with AIDS who walks 5 miles to school everyday.

For just £2 a month we can buy him trainers so the little bugger can jog it.

 

This thread is a bloody classic.........

 

Two peanuts walking down the street, one was assaulted!!

Mikey

 

Eddie was born unfortunate, he was just a Head! He was rolling down the street with his mate on boxing day and his mate asks
"What did you get for xmas Eddie?" Eddie stops rolling and says
"Another Fcukin' hat!"

Mikey

 

Eddie's mate Arnie was born without arms (Gulp! Don't start) Eddies mate asks the same question to Arnie
"What did you get Arnie?"

"T-shirt and cuff links"

Mikey

 

Subject: FW: Blair match project



A man was driving into London, but the traffic came to a halt just
by Hammersmith. He thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems
worse than usual. Nothing's moving."

He noticed a police officer walking back and forth between the
lines of cars, so he wound down his window and asked, "Constable,
what's the hold-up?"

The policeman replied: "The Prime Minister is just so depressed
about Mo Mowlam's resignation, the fuel blockades, his kids
getting into trouble here and abroad, and his general dive in the
popularity stakes, that he stopped his motorcade in the middle of
the road and he's threatening to douse himself in the last bit of
petrol in the Prime-Ministerial car and set himself on fire.

"He says his cabinet hates him, Gordon Brown's not even talking to
him, he doesn't have the money to pay for Cherie's next shopping
trip for Baby Leo, and the Royal Flight has refused to provide the
transport for his Christmas holiday. I'm walking around taking up
a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about three hundred gallons but a lot of people are
still siphoning."


....

 

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where
their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking

tired and somber. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he
surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time
is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you
will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a
female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile,
avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question
everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor looked surprised at the question and answered,
"It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price
of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

 

Turbo kitty walks into a diet thread.......

 

A man is very concerned for his wife's health, so takes her to see the doctor.

After some initial tests, the doctor takes the husband to one side and says,
"Well, we not quite sure what's wrong with her. She's either got AIDS or she's got amnesia."
"Well which one? How can you tell?" asks the husband.
"We can do some more tests, but there is another way..." suggests the doctor.
"Yes, anything" says the now desperate husband.
"Well... drive her into the middle of nowhere, out in the countryside, and leave her there. If she finds her way home, for goodness sakes don't f**k her."

 

Shhhhhh she will hear you and go off on one!