Blackadder quotes
17 October 2003, 11:44 PM
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Bladders:Madder than mad jack Mcmad,the winner of last years Mr Madman competiton...
Bladders:I believe what dr johnson is trying to say is that he has in fact finished his dictionery.It has apparantly taken him 10 years....
Prince G:.....well im a slow reader myself
Bladders:Thats it.....ive got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!
Amy: Tell me, Mr. Blackadder, I've heard a teensy rumour that the Prince has the manners of a boy cow's dingle dangle. What do you have to say to that?
Edmund: Oh, that is a lie, madam. Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass and unbelievably thick and gittish, whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallowy, pigletty type of creature.
Amy: Oh I'm so glad, because you see, I'm a delicate tiny thing myself, weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit. So I could never marry a horrible heffalump, or I might get squished
Bladders:uhhhh god what a way to die....shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll!
Bladders:baldrick ,take this cartload of loot back to the palace and met me back here at midnight with 10 soldiers,a restless lynch mob and a small portable gallows.
And many many many more!!
Bladders:I believe what dr johnson is trying to say is that he has in fact finished his dictionery.It has apparantly taken him 10 years....
Prince G:.....well im a slow reader myself
Bladders:Thats it.....ive got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel!
Amy: Tell me, Mr. Blackadder, I've heard a teensy rumour that the Prince has the manners of a boy cow's dingle dangle. What do you have to say to that?
Edmund: Oh, that is a lie, madam. Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass and unbelievably thick and gittish, whilst deep down he is a soft little marshmallowy, pigletty type of creature.
Amy: Oh I'm so glad, because you see, I'm a delicate tiny thing myself, weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit. So I could never marry a horrible heffalump, or I might get squished
Bladders:uhhhh god what a way to die....shot by a transvestite on an unrealistic grassy knoll!
Bladders:baldrick ,take this cartload of loot back to the palace and met me back here at midnight with 10 soldiers,a restless lynch mob and a small portable gallows.
And many many many more!!
18 October 2003, 12:11 PM
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The Baby Eating Bishop of Bath & Wells:
"You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral -- I'll do anything to anything"
"You see, I am a colossal pervert. No form of sexual depravity is too low for me. Animal, vegetable or mineral -- I'll do anything to anything"
21 October 2003, 12:25 AM
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Highway woman one from Blackadder 3rd...
Bang ----neeeee-splat-thud "Squirrels - B*stards!"
Prince George: "Oh my god she's been arrested, tried as a highway woman and hanged"
From Blackadder 1 (No quotes yet from the Witch smeller episode!!
Edmund: "You're nothing but a quack!"
Witch Smeller Persiuvant: "What did you say?"
Edmund: "Quack! Quack!"
Witch Smeller Persiuvant: "You see my lords how the duck of Taunton lives within him!"
BTW: Thanks Nimbus, I'd been trying to remeber the Y shaped coffin woman's surname... :-)
Editted.. s/Tuanton/Taunton
Vindaloo.
[Edited by vindaloo - 10/21/2003 12:28:22 AM]
Bang ----neeeee-splat-thud "Squirrels - B*stards!"
Prince George: "Oh my god she's been arrested, tried as a highway woman and hanged"
From Blackadder 1 (No quotes yet from the Witch smeller episode!!
Edmund: "You're nothing but a quack!"
Witch Smeller Persiuvant: "What did you say?"
Edmund: "Quack! Quack!"
Witch Smeller Persiuvant: "You see my lords how the duck of Taunton lives within him!"
BTW: Thanks Nimbus, I'd been trying to remeber the Y shaped coffin woman's surname... :-)
Editted.. s/Tuanton/Taunton
Vindaloo.
[Edited by vindaloo - 10/21/2003 12:28:22 AM]
21 October 2003, 12:34 AM
#68
What's the one where he's facing a firing squad and he has Baldrick find this renowned Defense lawyer who got this guy off for murder after admitting it in front of a bunch of nuns or the local bar association or whatever. Baldrick ***** the request up or something.
21 October 2003, 12:43 AM
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Edmund: Oh, no need for that, Perkins, I'll just dash off a couple of notes,
one asking for a sponge bag, and the other sending for my lawyer.
Perkins: Oh, your lawyer now, yes sir. Don't you think that might be a bit
of a waste of money, sir.
Edmund: Not when he's the finest mind in English legal history. Ever heard
of Bob Massingburg?
Perkins: Oh, yes indeed, sir! A most gifted gentleman!
Edmund: I remember Massingburg's most famous case, the case of the bloody knife.
A man was found next to a murdured body, he had the knife in his hand,
thirteen witnesses that seen him stab the victim, when the police
arrived he said, "I'm glad I killed the *******." Massingburg not
only got him off, but he got him knighted in the New Year's Honors
list, and the relatives of the victim had to pay to have the blood
washed out of his jacket.
one asking for a sponge bag, and the other sending for my lawyer.
Perkins: Oh, your lawyer now, yes sir. Don't you think that might be a bit
of a waste of money, sir.
Edmund: Not when he's the finest mind in English legal history. Ever heard
of Bob Massingburg?
Perkins: Oh, yes indeed, sir! A most gifted gentleman!
Edmund: I remember Massingburg's most famous case, the case of the bloody knife.
A man was found next to a murdured body, he had the knife in his hand,
thirteen witnesses that seen him stab the victim, when the police
arrived he said, "I'm glad I killed the *******." Massingburg not
only got him off, but he got him knighted in the New Year's Honors
list, and the relatives of the victim had to pay to have the blood
washed out of his jacket.
21 October 2003, 01:00 AM
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http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionC...89/bladder.htm
Some of the spelling is a bit iffy though.
Steve
Some of the spelling is a bit iffy though.
Steve
21 October 2003, 08:01 AM
#72
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"sausage..........SAUSAGE.........BAH!!!!!"
....and lets say thrupence for a slap up binge at mrs miggins pie shoppp
"Baldrick, thankyou for introducing me to a new experience, actually being pleased to see you
Humbug, Humbug, Humbug Mr Baldrick
Have you ever been to Wales Baldrick? It's a ghastly place, huge gangs of maurading tough sinuey men roam the counrtyside terrorising people with there close harmony singing, you have to have to a mouth full of spit to pronounce the place names, never ask for directions in Wales baldrick you'll be washing spit out of your hair for weeks
CRAFT
....and lets say thrupence for a slap up binge at mrs miggins pie shoppp
"Baldrick, thankyou for introducing me to a new experience, actually being pleased to see you
Humbug, Humbug, Humbug Mr Baldrick
Have you ever been to Wales Baldrick? It's a ghastly place, huge gangs of maurading tough sinuey men roam the counrtyside terrorising people with there close harmony singing, you have to have to a mouth full of spit to pronounce the place names, never ask for directions in Wales baldrick you'll be washing spit out of your hair for weeks
CRAFT
21 October 2003, 10:35 AM
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Edmund: Get out! Get out, libidinous swine! And take that horse-**** painted
strumpet with you, where you'll both rot in the filth of your own fornication!
Queen: ...and what did you say to *him*?
Edmund: Say, Madam? I said nothing. I simply pulled up my tights and jumped out the
privy window.
Queen: Oh, Edmund! You're so naughty!
Edmund: Well, I try, Madam. And ten minutes later, when I've got my breath back,
I try again...
AND
Edmund: For `young man' read `young idiot'. Look, anyone stupid enough to let some
mustachioed dago come up to them in a corridor, say, `Excuse me Meester,' and hit them
over the head with a big stick deserves everything they get.
AND
Edmund: Right. Now, am I, by any chance, addressing a senior dignitary of the Spanish
Inquisition?
Torturer: Te gusta, la de la Inquisicion!
Edmund: (not understanding a word) Good... Because, if I am, I wish to make it quite clear
that I am prepared to tell you absolutely anything.
Torturer: Habla puer
Edmund: No speako dago. I demand to see the British ambassador, understand?
Torturer: Necesito silencio para comesa.
Edmund: Oh for God's sake! Look, how can you question me if you don't speak English?
Torturer: No! Yo pregunto las questionnes!
Edmund: Alright, let's start with the basics. English is a non-inflected Indo-European
language derived from dialects of....
AND
Edmund: In that case, you are a fornicating babboon.
AND
Prince Regent George: ...The most extraordinary thing happened. Last night,
I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire club, and some
fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.
Edmund: Oh, an absurd suggestion, sir.
Prince Regent George: You're right, it is absurd.
Edmund: ...unless, of course, it was a particularly *stupid* donkey.
Prince Regent George: You see? If only *I'd* thought of saying that...
Edmund: Well, it is so often the way, sir, too late one thinks of what
one *should* have said. Sir Thomas Moore, for instance: Burned alive
for refusing to recant his Catholicism, must have been kicking him-
self, as the flames licked higher, that it never occurred to him
to say, "I recant my Catholicism.".
Thats it I'm all typed out.
[Edited by V45DSM - 10/21/2003 10:43:44 AM]
strumpet with you, where you'll both rot in the filth of your own fornication!
Queen: ...and what did you say to *him*?
Edmund: Say, Madam? I said nothing. I simply pulled up my tights and jumped out the
privy window.
Queen: Oh, Edmund! You're so naughty!
Edmund: Well, I try, Madam. And ten minutes later, when I've got my breath back,
I try again...
AND
Edmund: For `young man' read `young idiot'. Look, anyone stupid enough to let some
mustachioed dago come up to them in a corridor, say, `Excuse me Meester,' and hit them
over the head with a big stick deserves everything they get.
AND
Edmund: Right. Now, am I, by any chance, addressing a senior dignitary of the Spanish
Inquisition?
Torturer: Te gusta, la de la Inquisicion!
Edmund: (not understanding a word) Good... Because, if I am, I wish to make it quite clear
that I am prepared to tell you absolutely anything.
Torturer: Habla puer
Edmund: No speako dago. I demand to see the British ambassador, understand?
Torturer: Necesito silencio para comesa.
Edmund: Oh for God's sake! Look, how can you question me if you don't speak English?
Torturer: No! Yo pregunto las questionnes!
Edmund: Alright, let's start with the basics. English is a non-inflected Indo-European
language derived from dialects of....
AND
Edmund: In that case, you are a fornicating babboon.
AND
Prince Regent George: ...The most extraordinary thing happened. Last night,
I was having a bit of a snack at the Naughty Hellfire club, and some
fellow said that I had the wit and sophistication of a donkey.
Edmund: Oh, an absurd suggestion, sir.
Prince Regent George: You're right, it is absurd.
Edmund: ...unless, of course, it was a particularly *stupid* donkey.
Prince Regent George: You see? If only *I'd* thought of saying that...
Edmund: Well, it is so often the way, sir, too late one thinks of what
one *should* have said. Sir Thomas Moore, for instance: Burned alive
for refusing to recant his Catholicism, must have been kicking him-
self, as the flames licked higher, that it never occurred to him
to say, "I recant my Catholicism.".
Thats it I'm all typed out.
[Edited by V45DSM - 10/21/2003 10:43:44 AM]
21 October 2003, 02:27 PM
#76
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A couple more:
Dr. Johnson: This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.
Edmund: Every word, sir?
Dr. Johnson: Every word, sir.
Edmund: Well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities.
Dr. Johnson: What??
Edmund: Contrafibularities, sir. It is a common word down our way.
Dr. Johnson: Damn!
Edmund: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericumbobulation.
AND
Edmund: No, sir, 'tis not. It's the most pointless book since 'How to Learn French' was translated into French.
AND
George:You look as happy as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie, but it turned out to be an extra large blackberry.
AND
Edmund: A man may fight for many things: his country, his principles, his friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mudwrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock & a stack of French ****.
OR
Edmund: The Scarlet Pimpernel is the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the A.D.31 'Best Disciple' competition.
EVEN
Edmund: You see, the ancient Greeks, sir, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it 'Pandora's Box,' when of course they meant 'Baldrick's Trousers.'
FINALY
Edmund: These are volatile times. The American Revolution lost your father the colonies; the French Revolution murdered brave King Louis; & there are great rumblings in Prussia. Though that may have something to do with the sausages.[/b]
[Edited by V45DSM - 10/21/2003 2:35:54 PM]
Dr. Johnson: This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.
Edmund: Every word, sir?
Dr. Johnson: Every word, sir.
Edmund: Well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities.
Dr. Johnson: What??
Edmund: Contrafibularities, sir. It is a common word down our way.
Dr. Johnson: Damn!
Edmund: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anaspeptic, frasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericumbobulation.
AND
Edmund: No, sir, 'tis not. It's the most pointless book since 'How to Learn French' was translated into French.
AND
George:You look as happy as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie, but it turned out to be an extra large blackberry.
AND
Edmund: A man may fight for many things: his country, his principles, his friends, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mudwrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock & a stack of French ****.
OR
Edmund: The Scarlet Pimpernel is the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the A.D.31 'Best Disciple' competition.
EVEN
Edmund: You see, the ancient Greeks, sir, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it 'Pandora's Box,' when of course they meant 'Baldrick's Trousers.'
FINALY
Edmund: These are volatile times. The American Revolution lost your father the colonies; the French Revolution murdered brave King Louis; & there are great rumblings in Prussia. Though that may have something to do with the sausages.[/b]
[Edited by V45DSM - 10/21/2003 2:35:54 PM]
21 October 2003, 02:31 PM
#77
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sounds like someone's found the scripts then 
there's just too many to type in - but my favourite is the squirrels scene with the Silver Shadow
there's just too many to type in - but my favourite is the squirrels scene with the Silver Shadow
30 October 2003, 05:26 PM
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E: In fact now with the evil Mossop and Keanrick have got their
comeuppance, the Drury Lane Theatre is free. I thought we might
celebrate by staging a little play that I've written.
PR: Oh, what an excellent idea! And with my new found acting skills, um, might there be a part in it for me, do you think?
E: I was hoping you might play the title role, sir.
PR: What a roaringly good idea! What's the play called?
E: Thick Jack Clot Sits in the Stocks and Gets Pelted with Rancid Tomatoes.
PR: Excellent!
You can't keep a good thread down
comeuppance, the Drury Lane Theatre is free. I thought we might
celebrate by staging a little play that I've written.
PR: Oh, what an excellent idea! And with my new found acting skills, um, might there be a part in it for me, do you think?
E: I was hoping you might play the title role, sir.
PR: What a roaringly good idea! What's the play called?
E: Thick Jack Clot Sits in the Stocks and Gets Pelted with Rancid Tomatoes.
PR: Excellent!
You can't keep a good thread down
30 October 2003, 07:44 PM
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From Money...
Molly: Aren't you going to introduce us then?
Edmund: Oh sorry. Baldrick, this is ....er .... I'm sorry I don't know your name
Molly: It's Molly
Edmund: Oh yes, Baldrick, this is Molly a dear friend of mine..
Molly: I'm not dear, I'm quite reasonable actually. Most girls would charge an extra sixpence for the things he makes me do
Edmund: Yes yes, enough of that. Baldrick, this is Molly, an inexpensive prostitute. Molly, this is Baldrick, a pointless peasant.
Later...
Edmund: Well your a one aren't you. When you're supposed to be whispering sweet nothings into my ear like 'My God, something twice the size of the Royal Barge has hoved into view between the sheets', nothing! But as soon as the creature from the Black Latrine is around you won't stop talking.
Molly: Well he treated me like a lady
Edmund: Look, if I wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.
Molly: Aren't you going to introduce us then?
Edmund: Oh sorry. Baldrick, this is ....er .... I'm sorry I don't know your name
Molly: It's Molly
Edmund: Oh yes, Baldrick, this is Molly a dear friend of mine..
Molly: I'm not dear, I'm quite reasonable actually. Most girls would charge an extra sixpence for the things he makes me do
Edmund: Yes yes, enough of that. Baldrick, this is Molly, an inexpensive prostitute. Molly, this is Baldrick, a pointless peasant.
Later...
Edmund: Well your a one aren't you. When you're supposed to be whispering sweet nothings into my ear like 'My God, something twice the size of the Royal Barge has hoved into view between the sheets', nothing! But as soon as the creature from the Black Latrine is around you won't stop talking.
Molly: Well he treated me like a lady
Edmund: Look, if I wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.
