Declaration of Revocation
18 December 2000, 07:08 AM
#31
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:<HR>Originally posted by chiark:
<B>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult
game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for
a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
[/quote]
<B>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for
the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules
are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
same
twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
"interspersed".
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no
longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult
game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for
a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like
nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by
2005.
7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t".
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
[/quote]
18 December 2000, 07:18 AM
#32
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1. Look up Websters dictionary! British have been pronouncing it incorrectly.
2. When British learned enough from Americans and that you can write your own computer software, we'll teach you US English.
3. How about you British learn to distinguish b/t American and Canadian accents first, then we can talk.
4. We've tried. There is none.
5. Only 2.15% of the world have "queens," and England is one of them.
6. Anyone who is able to keep criminal British SOCCER fans from destroying your own country and rest of the world, he should get the Nobel Prize in peace. In the meantime, let's play some American Football. Oh by the way, American is the defending champion in Rugby.
7. I just think those repeating 007 series should stop doing those "Merde" first.
8. Sounds like your "queen" is still upset the fact that British was unable to keep your own colony.
9. For 98% of British who do not know what is going on in the modern world, "German" cars like Mercedez=Benz and BMW are mostly owned by AMERICAN companies. While I'm at it, can you British learn to make your own airplance? Having to use Boeing for distant traveling is really lame.
10. Please tell us who is behind the whole thing about Princess Di. The world is waiting know.
2. When British learned enough from Americans and that you can write your own computer software, we'll teach you US English.
3. How about you British learn to distinguish b/t American and Canadian accents first, then we can talk.
4. We've tried. There is none.
5. Only 2.15% of the world have "queens," and England is one of them.
6. Anyone who is able to keep criminal British SOCCER fans from destroying your own country and rest of the world, he should get the Nobel Prize in peace. In the meantime, let's play some American Football. Oh by the way, American is the defending champion in Rugby.
7. I just think those repeating 007 series should stop doing those "Merde" first.
8. Sounds like your "queen" is still upset the fact that British was unable to keep your own colony.
9. For 98% of British who do not know what is going on in the modern world, "German" cars like Mercedez=Benz and BMW are mostly owned by AMERICAN companies. While I'm at it, can you British learn to make your own airplance? Having to use Boeing for distant traveling is really lame.
10. Please tell us who is behind the whole thing about Princess Di. The world is waiting know.
18 December 2000, 06:40 PM
#34
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i aint laughed so much in ages !
the original went around the office e-mail system a month ago.
i like the others posted though guys.
amazing how many new american peeps we've suddenly gained on the board as a result of this post !!!
we're being invaded by loads of yanks
keep it coming guys, afterall they might just finally have decided who gets to be the next american president - yawn yawn - so we need summat else to keep us amused now dont we
steve
the original went around the office e-mail system a month ago.
i like the others posted though guys.
amazing how many new american peeps we've suddenly gained on the board as a result of this post !!!
we're being invaded by loads of yanks
keep it coming guys, afterall they might just finally have decided who gets to be the next american president - yawn yawn - so we need summat else to keep us amused now dont we
steve
19 December 2000, 01:06 PM
#35
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CalBearWins,
This post, and many like on the American BBS have been taken in the good hunour they were intended by both sides. However, you seem a tad upset at this. Take it as it is meant, a poke in the ribs at the utter failure of the so called "greatest democracy on earth" to successfully elect a new President without resorting to the tedious litigation that has come to epitomise American life.
But since you ask, you are incorrect in your assumptions.
Whilst Microsoft, IBM and CA dominate the world software market, just remember it was we who gave the world the computer for you to peddle your bug ridden software on.
Your obsession with the difference between US/Canadian accents is ill founded. The difference between UK and Australian accents is as great as that between US and UK accents. If you are telling me that people in Seattle and Vancouver speak so diiferently, then you are speaking out of your **** sir!
As for English football fans, come over and see the Dutch or the Turks some time, then you'll see what real hooliganism is. By the way, Australia are the current world champions in both disciplines of rugby, not some immaterial amateur thing that the US is eligble for.
American companies may well own German car companies, and Uk ones as well. So why the hell don't they learn anything and still build piles bad handling, gas guzzling ****e that only pimps wish to drive? Planes? I don't recall Europe ever threatening a trade war to stop Boeing selling planes, a bit frightened of Airbus' new offering are you?
Have a nice day
Geezer
This post, and many like on the American BBS have been taken in the good hunour they were intended by both sides. However, you seem a tad upset at this. Take it as it is meant, a poke in the ribs at the utter failure of the so called "greatest democracy on earth" to successfully elect a new President without resorting to the tedious litigation that has come to epitomise American life.
But since you ask, you are incorrect in your assumptions.
Whilst Microsoft, IBM and CA dominate the world software market, just remember it was we who gave the world the computer for you to peddle your bug ridden software on.
Your obsession with the difference between US/Canadian accents is ill founded. The difference between UK and Australian accents is as great as that between US and UK accents. If you are telling me that people in Seattle and Vancouver speak so diiferently, then you are speaking out of your **** sir!
As for English football fans, come over and see the Dutch or the Turks some time, then you'll see what real hooliganism is. By the way, Australia are the current world champions in both disciplines of rugby, not some immaterial amateur thing that the US is eligble for.
American companies may well own German car companies, and Uk ones as well. So why the hell don't they learn anything and still build piles bad handling, gas guzzling ****e that only pimps wish to drive? Planes? I don't recall Europe ever threatening a trade war to stop Boeing selling planes, a bit frightened of Airbus' new offering are you?
Have a nice day
Geezer
19 December 2000, 06:32 PM
#36
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CalBearWhatever
BMW is a privately-owned company, with the majority of the shares belonging to the Quandt family. They are German.
Mercedes is also owned by Germans.
I travel to Canada regularly. It's rather like telling the difference between Australian and New Zealand (or Walsall and Wolverhampton) accents
But hey, why let a few facts get in the way of a strongly-held prejudice?
Have a nice day!
PS Re-read your post. That's not even American, never mind English. Have you ever heard of sentences?
PPS Someone from San Francisco passing the buck (yes, I know that's American) on queens? Err.....
PPPS No I'm not a xenophobe. But if you wish to turn humour into a debate, try doing it properly!
[This message has been edited by Airmiles (edited 19 December 2000).]
BMW is a privately-owned company, with the majority of the shares belonging to the Quandt family. They are German.
Mercedes is also owned by Germans.
I travel to Canada regularly. It's rather like telling the difference between Australian and New Zealand (or Walsall and Wolverhampton) accents
But hey, why let a few facts get in the way of a strongly-held prejudice?
Have a nice day!
PS Re-read your post. That's not even American, never mind English. Have you ever heard of sentences?
PPS Someone from San Francisco passing the buck (yes, I know that's American) on queens? Err.....
PPPS No I'm not a xenophobe. But if you wish to turn humour into a debate, try doing it properly!
[This message has been edited by Airmiles (edited 19 December 2000).]
20 December 2000, 01:13 PM
#38
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:<HR>Originally posted by Geezer:
<B>As for English football fans, come over and see the Dutch or the Turks some time, then you'll see what real hooliganism is. [/quote]
Now now, lets keep things in perspective and lets not palm off blame onto other continents and go off on a tangent.
Cem
<B>As for English football fans, come over and see the Dutch or the Turks some time, then you'll see what real hooliganism is. [/quote]
Now now, lets keep things in perspective and lets not palm off blame onto other continents and go off on a tangent.
Cem
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