coops78

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat
metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you
in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting
the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set
in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints
and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it
takes you to say, 'Oh s h --'

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked,
unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used
to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects
in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease
inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a
bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you
have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper..

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops
to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more
easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside
of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything
you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing
oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert
common slotted screws into non-removable screws and
butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip
or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a
50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays
is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive
parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids
in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks,
and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage
while yelling 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs.
It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

jimbob9875

iTrader: (1)

ROFLMFAO sounds like a typical working week for me

dunx

iTrader: (3)

Wheel Brace - a device for removing paint from alloy wheels....

Kerb - ditto !

Woman driver - see above.... it's a joke ladies, honest !

dunx

JonMc

iTrader: (51)

My local garage and my wife have managed to modify three of my wheels between them, and in the process proved that this is not a joke

corradoboy

WOMAN :

Primarily for making tea. Also good for those times when stuck in a compromising position trapped under the car at a critical point which will prove expensive if foobared for passing you every tool in the place EXCEPT the right one. Will resign from their primary role if you look at them the wrong way for asking the most asinine questions, as well as hit you.