"The Screaming Jaffa"
28 September 2001, 07:53 AM
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There are a few mentions about Ronaldoh's story concerning this car. From what i have read it sound like a goodun !!
Ronaldoh,Can you let us have the full story ??
Ronaldoh,Can you let us have the full story ??
28 September 2001, 09:01 AM
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This car is a mini-legend (no pun intended) within the Evo forum, its a tuned orange mini owned by MatthewH, it has a stage4 head, quickshifter, bucket seats, disc brake conversion, lightened flywheel, beefed up crank, etc...well its got everything it needs to hold off a P1 in Scotland on one of the Evo meets..ask MattD if you don't believe me, he's the shocked owner of the P1.
I have had the "misfortune" of following this car through Wales and its is a very rapid car point to point, as long as there is a lot of twisties...
Unfortunately the gearbox decided to call it a day on the Scotland weekend, and Matt is back at Uni, so it may be a while before the Jaffa is back amongst us.
I have had the "misfortune" of following this car through Wales and its is a very rapid car point to point, as long as there is a lot of twisties...
Unfortunately the gearbox decided to call it a day on the Scotland weekend, and Matt is back at Uni, so it may be a while before the Jaffa is back amongst us.
28 September 2001, 09:53 AM
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Well, this is how I saw it. One of very few driving experiences I will remember in my life (Extract Taken from EVO BBS)
The next day was for me, the most entertaining as I got the chance to ride in a car that I would never of expected to have amazed me as much as this did. We drove to Applecross Pass (the highest point we got too). The air was lacking (because of the altitude) and the wind was howling at the top. Its the first time since i was a kid that I thought I needed my Asthma spray, but we didn't wait for long and off we went again.
I was passenger in the Elise with Brian. The Exige exhaust makes the car sound so much better-for those of you who have Elise's, please get this fitted because frankly its bloody awesome!
We munched our sarnies at the other side of the pass and decided to head off and back to Inverness. At this point I was ummming and arrring as to whos car to go in. Matts P1 was an option, although having been an 'Imprezaite' for sometime It would of been the same as what I am used too (apart from the brakes and Matts will to get a move on wherever he goes! ) -The clios I wanted to taste on longer roads so the only other option was the Mini of Matt H.
THE SCREAMING JAFFAAAAAAAA
In I jumped. Matt weighs in at a good 18 stone (so he told me-i know he wont mind me saying) and I come it at around 16.5. Both of us are built like brick **** houses and filled this mini up quiet adequately. Centre of gravity was now increased by two fold, power was down around 15 bhp in the lower ranges, braking velocity was now doubled, heat dispersal through the brakes was now also at an all time high. The roads are very clear and you can see what's coming before the usual people jump on and say "ner ner nee ner ner, thats not safe" frankly if anyone does, then they can show me how they drive-and I will decide whether they are safe or not. So..........Brrrrraaaaaaa BRaaaaaaaa Braaaaaaaaaaaa went the carb on start up, a little back fire and a pop on over run, on with the music, sounded like a bit of Notorious B.I.G to me and some Puff Daddy on the cd player-Quiet aptly named given that the two of us made enough meat to feed around 30,000 people in this neck of the woods. This was going to be a laugh, if nothing else. It was also Bright Orange. Big Up the Screaming Jaffa:
Now, I have been in some of the most entertaining cars that have ever been made. From Aston Martins to Ferraris, just to give you an idea of what this car is capable of. Matt took the car up the road, I asked how much he had spent on it...and without doubt this is the cheapest fun you can have with your clothes on. FACT. We took off up the road at a rate that made me burst out laughing like a small child (we are talking a 0-60 that would shut most of the best hot hatches up).
At this point, I asked why he had a bucket seat and a harness and I had a sofa and a belt that would'nt hold a 4 year old child in... "Its simple Ron" Matt said...at that point I clung on to the f**k me handles above the door and began giggling.
The first corner approached and we were clear with my view, "go on, your clear" was my call....a glance down Matt's feet to see him heel and toe'ing in the down change into the bend inspired confidence in his ability, and left foot braking very smoothly...This was 30 seconds into the run, he had a lot to do yet! So, after the first mildly leery bend I asked what brakes it had on it....."ah, no worries Ron, there good enough-4 pots on the front"... "4 pots! on a mini! your having a laugh I exclaimed!"
. (My WRX only had 2 pots on it after hitting the shores from Japan 2 years ago)...."Yeah" Said Matt, preparing the line for the next sweepers and getting his view on the left hander sorted....."They work bloody well considering". (You know when your nervous, and you talk and jibber like a fool...well, I was B.A Barakus at this point) Its all relative really, these brakes are off a Metro Turbo- The disks are small really, and the wheels tiny...so any brakes help-But for the mini, IMHO these are the daddy of the mini brake set-up world-the AP 6 pot brake set-up that you get on Scooby's. They bite harder than a pissed off rotweilwer but hated intense heat (i will come to this in a minute)....
So, after many more laughs it started to become clear that we were in a road-going go-kart with more power than you could possibly want. No wheelspin, a gearbox that sounded close-cut and rally like (this came clear as it was actually going **** up later into the trip, but least I got to hear it sound so cool) , and a smell of fuel that was giving me "king of petrol heads" a bloody migraine.
So, whack the tunes up (you had to see this, two burely geezers in a mini bopping along to hip hop in an orange mini, I was in my element) get the window down and crack on with it...after all I 'was' "lovin it lovin it lovin it". Little did I know we had a Texaco Garage in the boot and about a litre of fuel swilling around. But hey, this thing would of looked so funny smoking down this mountain trail chasing the R1 Swiss Mountain tourers!
So, (thi was so funny) we come up to these bikers.
Im quiet observant, I see the Swiss plates and think to myself having been in a car with a hardcore Swiss driver who lives south of Geneva "hmmmmm, this might be goodbye mini". Errrrrrr.......MOVE OVER MR R1 with titanium knee pads and a ***** line to show up carl fogarty ( the scrub line on the rear trye shows how the rider rides, this guy liked his corners) They looked up at us on the top of the mountain pass and I saw the glance we got, almost of "oh yeah, come and get us"....so we bloody well did.
The look when they finally gave up and let us past was a picture
Italian Job director of the new era does need to use this car, as it is simply awesome! They both moved over, shaking their heads at us in disbelief. We waved at them as I shouted "lads, you have just had your bloody doors blown off" They continued and probably will be going home, as they got their ***** kicked by the Screaming Jaffa.
Matt your car is a legend in Evo history- Its up for sale everyone!
This drive was without doubt the most exhilarating experience of my motoring life. The car was awesome, the driver would be handy in a group N car and Its safe to say I would of driven the distance to experience that ride!
Thank you mate
The next day was for me, the most entertaining as I got the chance to ride in a car that I would never of expected to have amazed me as much as this did. We drove to Applecross Pass (the highest point we got too). The air was lacking (because of the altitude) and the wind was howling at the top. Its the first time since i was a kid that I thought I needed my Asthma spray, but we didn't wait for long and off we went again.
I was passenger in the Elise with Brian. The Exige exhaust makes the car sound so much better-for those of you who have Elise's, please get this fitted because frankly its bloody awesome!
We munched our sarnies at the other side of the pass and decided to head off and back to Inverness. At this point I was ummming and arrring as to whos car to go in. Matts P1 was an option, although having been an 'Imprezaite' for sometime It would of been the same as what I am used too (apart from the brakes and Matts will to get a move on wherever he goes! ) -The clios I wanted to taste on longer roads so the only other option was the Mini of Matt H.
THE SCREAMING JAFFAAAAAAAA
In I jumped. Matt weighs in at a good 18 stone (so he told me-i know he wont mind me saying) and I come it at around 16.5. Both of us are built like brick **** houses and filled this mini up quiet adequately. Centre of gravity was now increased by two fold, power was down around 15 bhp in the lower ranges, braking velocity was now doubled, heat dispersal through the brakes was now also at an all time high. The roads are very clear and you can see what's coming before the usual people jump on and say "ner ner nee ner ner, thats not safe" frankly if anyone does, then they can show me how they drive-and I will decide whether they are safe or not. So..........Brrrrraaaaaaa BRaaaaaaaa Braaaaaaaaaaaa went the carb on start up, a little back fire and a pop on over run, on with the music, sounded like a bit of Notorious B.I.G to me and some Puff Daddy on the cd player-Quiet aptly named given that the two of us made enough meat to feed around 30,000 people in this neck of the woods. This was going to be a laugh, if nothing else. It was also Bright Orange. Big Up the Screaming Jaffa:
Now, I have been in some of the most entertaining cars that have ever been made. From Aston Martins to Ferraris, just to give you an idea of what this car is capable of. Matt took the car up the road, I asked how much he had spent on it...and without doubt this is the cheapest fun you can have with your clothes on. FACT. We took off up the road at a rate that made me burst out laughing like a small child (we are talking a 0-60 that would shut most of the best hot hatches up).
At this point, I asked why he had a bucket seat and a harness and I had a sofa and a belt that would'nt hold a 4 year old child in... "Its simple Ron" Matt said...at that point I clung on to the f**k me handles above the door and began giggling.
The first corner approached and we were clear with my view, "go on, your clear" was my call....a glance down Matt's feet to see him heel and toe'ing in the down change into the bend inspired confidence in his ability, and left foot braking very smoothly...This was 30 seconds into the run, he had a lot to do yet! So, after the first mildly leery bend I asked what brakes it had on it....."ah, no worries Ron, there good enough-4 pots on the front"... "4 pots! on a mini! your having a laugh I exclaimed!"
. (My WRX only had 2 pots on it after hitting the shores from Japan 2 years ago)...."Yeah" Said Matt, preparing the line for the next sweepers and getting his view on the left hander sorted....."They work bloody well considering". (You know when your nervous, and you talk and jibber like a fool...well, I was B.A Barakus at this point) Its all relative really, these brakes are off a Metro Turbo- The disks are small really, and the wheels tiny...so any brakes help-But for the mini, IMHO these are the daddy of the mini brake set-up world-the AP 6 pot brake set-up that you get on Scooby's. They bite harder than a pissed off rotweilwer but hated intense heat (i will come to this in a minute).... So, after many more laughs it started to become clear that we were in a road-going go-kart with more power than you could possibly want. No wheelspin, a gearbox that sounded close-cut and rally like (this came clear as it was actually going **** up later into the trip, but least I got to hear it sound so cool) , and a smell of fuel that was giving me "king of petrol heads" a bloody migraine.
So, whack the tunes up (you had to see this, two burely geezers in a mini bopping along to hip hop in an orange mini, I was in my element) get the window down and crack on with it...after all I 'was' "lovin it lovin it lovin it". Little did I know we had a Texaco Garage in the boot and about a litre of fuel swilling around. But hey, this thing would of looked so funny smoking down this mountain trail chasing the R1 Swiss Mountain tourers!
So, (thi was so funny) we come up to these bikers.
Im quiet observant, I see the Swiss plates and think to myself having been in a car with a hardcore Swiss driver who lives south of Geneva "hmmmmm, this might be goodbye mini". Errrrrrr.......MOVE OVER MR R1 with titanium knee pads and a ***** line to show up carl fogarty ( the scrub line on the rear trye shows how the rider rides, this guy liked his corners) They looked up at us on the top of the mountain pass and I saw the glance we got, almost of "oh yeah, come and get us"....so we bloody well did.
The look when they finally gave up and let us past was a picture
Italian Job director of the new era does need to use this car, as it is simply awesome! They both moved over, shaking their heads at us in disbelief. We waved at them as I shouted "lads, you have just had your bloody doors blown off" They continued and probably will be going home, as they got their ***** kicked by the Screaming Jaffa.
Matt your car is a legend in Evo history- Its up for sale everyone!
This drive was without doubt the most exhilarating experience of my motoring life. The car was awesome, the driver would be handy in a group N car and Its safe to say I would of driven the distance to experience that ride!
Thank you mate
29 September 2001, 06:08 PM
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Mathew
There was a mention about the car in "Ronnies little adventure last week"!!His accident)
Someone mentioned that it came up in a pub chit chat and had a load of folk doubled up with laughter !!!
Sounds like a "***** on acid"!!!
How much for it ????
Luke
There was a mention about the car in "Ronnies little adventure last week"!!His accident)
Someone mentioned that it came up in a pub chit chat and had a load of folk doubled up with laughter !!!
Sounds like a "***** on acid"!!!
How much for it ????
Luke
30 September 2001, 02:35 AM
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it's true, it's the closest I've ever come to having sh*t myself laughing! i'd buy it, but I already have one unserviceable car in my garden and I'll get stick if I have any more 
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30 September 2001, 06:45 AM
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After hearing it the first time in Epsom I was nearly wetting myself. Reading it again has made me laugh even more. You are a truly funny story teller
Hope you are well.
Michelle.
Hope you are well.
Michelle.
30 September 2001, 11:29 PM
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Matt.. asked mum if i can store a small orange fire hazard in the garage.... she wasnt impressed
Ronnie.. you forgot the jumps leads in the boot full of fuel.... with an exposed battery and a bare metal chassis ! :O
Bri
Ronnie.. you forgot the jumps leads in the boot full of fuel.... with an exposed battery and a bare metal chassis ! :O
Bri
30 September 2001, 11:45 PM
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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:<HR>Originally posted by EvoBarry:
[well its got everything it needs to hold off a P1 in Scotland on one of the Evo meets..ask MattD if you don't believe me, he's the shocked owner of the P1.
[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Shocked?? Hehe, you're forgetting that on the way up that road I said "The Jaffa would probably be the quickest thing here!" - didn't realise how true it was though!
[well its got everything it needs to hold off a P1 in Scotland on one of the Evo meets..ask MattD if you don't believe me, he's the shocked owner of the P1.
[/B]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Shocked?? Hehe, you're forgetting that on the way up that road I said "The Jaffa would probably be the quickest thing here!" - didn't realise how true it was though!
01 October 2001, 12:14 PM
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Hello fellow Evotees
Could someoine post the url for the thread with Ronnies comments in as I can't find the thread.
Bri, you know fine well that I mended the "little" petrol problem, and did you get my e-mail.
Could someoine post the url for the thread with Ronnies comments in as I can't find the thread.
Bri, you know fine well that I mended the "little" petrol problem, and did you get my e-mail.
