"Sunscreen"
09 March 2002, 08:07 PM
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For those that didn't see it the first time and those that requested it again.........
To the tune of "Everybody's Free (to wear Sunscreen)"
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of MY99.....Buy an Impreza.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, buying an Impreza
would be it. The long-term benefits of driving an Impreza have been consistently misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own driving experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your Impreza.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your Impreza until something replaces it. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself beside your Scoob and recall, in a way you can't grasp now, how fast you drove and how fabulous the handling really was.
You are NOT as fast as you imagine.
Don't worry about your fuel consumption.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to beat
Richard Burns on a special stage. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your Impreza-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of grip on some isolated mountain pass.
Drive around 1 corner every day that scares you. (Clean the seat afterwards.)
Be reckless when driving other people's Scoobies.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Polish it.
Don't waste your time on Optimax. Sometimes you're ahead,
sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only petrol.
Make up compliments on your driving. Return the insults. If you succeed in getting genuine compliments, tell me how.
Keep your old MOT's. Throw away your old exhaust.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you'll get rid of the boy-racer in your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 32 when they would stop being a boy-racer. Some of the most interesting 50-year-olds I know still are.
Get plenty of kebabs but don't eat them in the car. You'll never get rid of the smell
Be kind to your ScoobySport exhaust. You'll miss that when it's gone.
Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll get a 22B, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll enter the RAC Rally at 40, maybe you'll drive around Silverstone, nude, at the 75th SIDC Reunion.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate
others, your choice of motor-car is half partner influenced. So is
everybody else's.
Enjoy your Impreza. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the lads might think of it. Its not THAT ugly
It's the best investment you’ll ever own.
Race
Even if you have no one else to race against but an old biddy in a Mini 850 still do it but expect the occasional humbling experience.
Read the instructions to install your Cibies. Don’t ever follow them.
Do NOT read Max Power, just cut out the pictures and put them on
your wall.
Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap
them for some cash for your next performance upgrade
Be nice to Pete Croney.
He's your best link to a faster Impreza and the person most likely to relieve you of a serious amount of cash.
Understand that Impreza models come and go, but with some decent
modifications you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because
the older you get, the harder it will be to drive 'round corners like when you were young.
Drive in London once, but leave before you are mistaken for a pimp.
Drive in Liverpool once, but leave before your Impreza gets stolen.
Grin.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Fuel prices will rise, traffic cops will pull you over. You, too, will get a speeding ticket. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, fuel prices were reasonable, jam sandwiches couldn't catch you and speeding tickets were NEVER as expensive as this.
Respect psychiatrists. (They drive 22B's)
Don't expect Admiral to pay up in a hurry.
Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might stop you from going for a drive that serves no particular purpose but includes some of your favourite country roads
Don't mess too much with superchips or by the time you've reached
10,000 miles your pistons will look like tea-strainers.
Be careful whose cheap imports you buy, but be patient with those
who supply them. Cheap imports are a form of rip-off. Dispensing them is a way of fishing old stock from an auction, wiping them clean, painting over the accident damage and re-selling them for more than they are worth.
But trust me on buying an Impreza.
[Edited by DavidLewis - 9/4/2002 9:55:14 AM]
To the tune of "Everybody's Free (to wear Sunscreen)"
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of MY99.....Buy an Impreza.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, buying an Impreza
would be it. The long-term benefits of driving an Impreza have been consistently misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own driving experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your Impreza.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your Impreza until something replaces it. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself beside your Scoob and recall, in a way you can't grasp now, how fast you drove and how fabulous the handling really was.
You are NOT as fast as you imagine.
Don't worry about your fuel consumption.
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to beat
Richard Burns on a special stage. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your Impreza-addled mind, like the unexpected lack of grip on some isolated mountain pass.
Drive around 1 corner every day that scares you. (Clean the seat afterwards.)
Be reckless when driving other people's Scoobies.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Polish it.
Don't waste your time on Optimax. Sometimes you're ahead,
sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only petrol.
Make up compliments on your driving. Return the insults. If you succeed in getting genuine compliments, tell me how.
Keep your old MOT's. Throw away your old exhaust.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know when you'll get rid of the boy-racer in your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 32 when they would stop being a boy-racer. Some of the most interesting 50-year-olds I know still are.
Get plenty of kebabs but don't eat them in the car. You'll never get rid of the smell
Be kind to your ScoobySport exhaust. You'll miss that when it's gone.
Maybe you'll pull, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll get a 22B, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll enter the RAC Rally at 40, maybe you'll drive around Silverstone, nude, at the 75th SIDC Reunion.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate
others, your choice of motor-car is half partner influenced. So is
everybody else's.
Enjoy your Impreza. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what the lads might think of it. Its not THAT ugly
It's the best investment you’ll ever own.
Race
Even if you have no one else to race against but an old biddy in a Mini 850 still do it but expect the occasional humbling experience.
Read the instructions to install your Cibies. Don’t ever follow them.
Do NOT read Max Power, just cut out the pictures and put them on
your wall.
Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap
them for some cash for your next performance upgrade
Be nice to Pete Croney.
He's your best link to a faster Impreza and the person most likely to relieve you of a serious amount of cash.
Understand that Impreza models come and go, but with some decent
modifications you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in strength and consistency, because
the older you get, the harder it will be to drive 'round corners like when you were young.
Drive in London once, but leave before you are mistaken for a pimp.
Drive in Liverpool once, but leave before your Impreza gets stolen.
Grin.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Fuel prices will rise, traffic cops will pull you over. You, too, will get a speeding ticket. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, fuel prices were reasonable, jam sandwiches couldn't catch you and speeding tickets were NEVER as expensive as this.
Respect psychiatrists. (They drive 22B's)
Don't expect Admiral to pay up in a hurry.
Maybe you'll have a huge overdraft. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might stop you from going for a drive that serves no particular purpose but includes some of your favourite country roads
Don't mess too much with superchips or by the time you've reached
10,000 miles your pistons will look like tea-strainers.
Be careful whose cheap imports you buy, but be patient with those
who supply them. Cheap imports are a form of rip-off. Dispensing them is a way of fishing old stock from an auction, wiping them clean, painting over the accident damage and re-selling them for more than they are worth.
But trust me on buying an Impreza.
[Edited by DavidLewis - 9/4/2002 9:55:14 AM]
Trending Topics
05 September 2002, 12:56 AM
#11
Brilliant
for star wars fans
http://www.theforce.net/humor/music/..._sunscreen.mp3
and the original
http://www.powerup.com.au/~songhurs/every.mp3
for star wars fans
http://www.theforce.net/humor/music/..._sunscreen.mp3
and the original
http://www.powerup.com.au/~songhurs/every.mp3
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