Give keys to all the women and keep it quiet from the bride and groom. Then say that the groom will no longer be available to other women and that anyone with a house key should return it. All the women get up and return keys the last one being the brides mother make her give him a peck on the cheek for added effect.

Paul

 

I'm Best Man in 2 weeks for a mate. Speech in front of 80 people. Stag weekend this weekend!

Good ice breaker: At the beginning of the speech, ask everyone to stand. Once all are stood, ask them to turn to the person on their left, and as a sign of friendship between fellow guests, ask them to shake hands with that person. You will end up with everyone trying to shake hands with the back of that person, not possible. Should get a laugh, gets everyone in the mood, and avoids that first couple of nerve wracking minutes of the speech with all eyes on you.

 

I know its in the wrong forum, but i need a wider audience.

I have to do the old Bestman duties in a few weeks time and i`m totally at a loss as what to do about the Bestmans Speech.

Has any body got any advise or help on the subject.........pleaaaaasee.
Any rules that you should adhere to, as i dont want to make an absolute pr@tt of myself!

Cheers

Paul

 

I think generally you take the p!ss out of the groom, BUT nothing that would embarass the parents - only the groom!

My best man went round all my other friends and family quizzing them on me as a kid, teenager and adult to find all the dirt, especially stuff my missus wouldn't know about.

After that, say he's a thoroughly nice bloke, they make a great couple, blah, blah and toast the couple

simple!

 

yep, stories from childhood, through early age etc etc

My best man did a powerpoint presentation for me! wa very nasty as he had a lot of photographic evidence to back up what he was saying!!!!

robski

 

There are loads of websites with hints, quotes and entire speeches on.

I used them last year for a best man speech, and got 3 stand ovations!!

Might still have some of the material I collected to hand if you want

 

I think you introduce all the speeches too, tell people to sit down to eat, keep the wedded couple in check (who by this time are completely sh!tfaced). Now I think about it, my best man was a bag of nerves until all the planned stuff was over and he could get rat ar5ed.

Good luck.

 

When I was best man, something that lifted the audience and calmed the nerves was a quick joke to start proceedings, it goes like this:-

"I knew the bride before the groom and she always told me she wanted to marry a 'Sugar-daddy' - well, as we can all see, she has married a 'Jelly Baby'!!!!

Worked for me!!

Pete

 

Tell loads of political/religious/racist jokes right at the start.

More seriously, childhood and teenage dirt is best. These are generally fairly innocent, but will cause the groom much embarrasment. Don't mention his ex-girlies, or any stag night indiscretions - this will embarass everyone else as well. Don't prepare the speech verbatim. Put items you want to say on flash cards and use these. If you try to learn the entire speech you will not sound natural and you will inevitably forget the next bit, which will you up completely. If you feel nervous, remember that all your listeners will understand how nerve wracking public speaking actually is, so won't think any less of you if you **** it up. If this doesn't help imagine they are all naked. Have a couple of pints before the speech, but don't get sh1tfaced. If you get completely stuck, thank everyone at the top table, thank the person who performed the marriage, thank the staff at the reception and hand over to the next speaker

Hope this helps

 

 

If you find all of this too frightening, why not have a pro write it for you. There's always an ad in the back of Private Eye, Maxim etc offering such services.
Best of luck.
Kav

 

I once started a best man speech with...

"The last time I was invited to speak in Brentwood, was at the annual dinner dance for the Brentwood Gays and Lesbians League. Its very reassuring to see so many familiar faces here again today"

They were in stitches and the rest was easy

 

"Looking around the audience I can't see any of his ex-girlfriends here, which is understandable - it would cost a fortune to feed them all...."

went down quite well!

Just remember everyones just eaten, a bit merry and thoroughly enjoying themselves - they WILL laugh at your jokes! If a few people start laughing it encorages the rest, so bribe a couple of your mates to be on your side...

cheers

Justin

 

Another good starter.
Everyone is chatting away and you need to get there attention.
Take the mike and shout "FORNACATION!!!!" (phonetically spelt)
Everyone will go quite.
Then very clearly and slowly, say
"For an occasion such as this I am proud to be Freds Best man"

More than happy to give an hints. email me if you want a chat. Done it 4 times.

 

I must admit I was bollixed giving my speech at my big bro's wedding . The opening joke consisted of my speech being written on a piece of paper with bits being cut out , the first few part went along the lines of "I'd like to start the speech but it would seem as though the misses got hold of it and censored it a bit and I can't remember what it was , so it looks as though you get only the clean bits ..........." . Always end on a joke aswell , a good one I used was "May your wedding night be like the kitchen table all legs and no drawers"
Hope it helps a little Dave

 

My best man ended with the phrase;

"And I know that she will be as beautiful, *to you*, as she is today"

with the emphasis on "to you"

We understood the sentiment, but never one for quite the right words ;-)))

cheers
Andy

 

Being a best man is a bit like making love to the Queen Mother. It is a great honour, but no-one REALLY wants to do it

 

Three rules for a Best Man speech:-

1. Stand Up (if you are not too drunk!!!)
2. Speak Up
3. Shut Up (Don't drag on & on & on & on...)

But most of all - enjoy yourself, then the "crowd" will enjoy it too!!

 

Tell lots of lies.

 

GaryC's post is what I used to open my best man's speech. You may think it's tacky, but everyone will be keen to laugh at anything, and it's a brilliant ice breaker.

Do try to find a bit of harmless dirt, do sanity check it with someone else (your significant other etc). Don't go on about previous girlfriends, no matter what.

After knocking him down, build him up a bit too. Story of how they met may be interesting, so find it out.

Close on a joke if possible. If bride and groom to be have stayed over, tell them that they left something in their room last time.

I bought a "pouch" from Ann Summers with a donkey's head that, when the end was pushed, neighed.

My mate is now universally known as Dobbin.

Relax, everyone will want you to do well, and don't get slaughtered beforehand as you may need a clear head to quickly respond to hecklers

Nick.

 

Ah, the fun!

Big rule - slag him off throughout, but make sure you finalise with genuine friendship.

Another trick is topicality. I prepared mine carefully, but then my mate (the groom) was a bag of nerves the night before, so I asked him to practise his speech in front of me, and gave him advise. After that I went off and thought up a bunch of ripostes to it.

My best bon mots were on the poor weather (nice to see the bride wearing a white dress, which went well with her blue lips) and our history of tossing pancakes together, which resulted in a nickname for him. At least, I think that's how he got it...

Have a scream, but remember it's their day, not yours!!
BJH

 

Wow, thanks lads.

Ive been really nervous about this for some time, but it seems like its going to be a good laugh.

Like the one about handing the keys back to the groom

Keep them coming, it really is a big help

Paul

 

I MEAN.......WHO WOULD HAVE P.S. LEWIS AS THEIR BEST MAN......(BEFORE YOU BITE BACK AT ME I'VE BEEN BEST MAN 3 TIMES)i MEAN ALL HE RANTS AND RAVES ABOUT IS THE EVO 7...

 

On a serious note though, Make sure you don't lose the rings, Tell the mother in laws how luvverly they look in their soppy hats, read a few cards, toast the bride& groom and of course the bridesmaids, Then tell everybody to get pi55ed and have a good time. And if she is old enough try and get into the chief bridesmaids knickers :P

 

Hi
Paul,

May be a bit late, but I've found my best man speech i gave at my mates wedding last year and it worked a treat. reply here or mail me if you want a copy, i'm sure you can adapt it. address neilsthompson@yahoo.co.uk

cheers & good luck!

Neil

 

Tame, tame tame,
wot you need is a younger brother doing the speech for his bro.
I had this hilarious scenario at my sister in laws and it was pure venom, built up from years of being under the thumb.
If you laughed at 4 weddings & a funeral this one would have split your guts.
Embarrassed parents ? Oh YES.
Tearful bride? Oh YES YES.
Guests trying not to laugh or even walk out. Yep, plenty of that as well.

Unfortunately I have nothing positive to add other than do you want to make it funny or embarrassingly FUNNY?
Remember you will have to talk to these people the next day or for many years to come.

 

Get a good speech book!
The book I got basically said topical is OK but most of the audience won't care about long anecdotes about the groom any way. It concentrated on short snappy sentences and gave you a selection to work from e.g If the groom drinks, has no hair, married previously, you get the gist, you just picked a subject and changed it to suit. I can't remember who wrote the book I used but the speech went down very well which I can assure you was more to do with the scriptwriter than me, even helped deal with hecklers. Enjoy it you'll never get a friendlier and more responsive audience.