Office/Manager jargon speech.
 

Someone on here either wrote or had a complete speech made up from office/manager jargon. I have tried searching for it but not had any luck, does anyone know what I am refering to and have a copy of it?

Cheers

Found it so you can all stop looking :D

Link please! I'd love to have a read of this! :)

My word there's some corkers in there! :lol1: :lol1:

Amazing how valued clear, no nonsense communication is these days.
So in a way, these marketing speak goons keep us in work - long may it live :lol1:

Love it! :)

I'll be using some of that in my meeting tomorrow. See how many I can squeeze in! :D

Make sure "lessons learnt" is used constantly when the sh1t hits the fan, but no one has an explanation or solution for the feckup.

Bloody americoonts they are indeed to blame for most of these ridiculous phrases and it boils my fecking p1ss.

Glidepath, low-hanging fruit, a heads up, power meeting ...

If you want to take part then you need some skin in the game ;)

lets create some 'mind share'

Lets meet in the hall of dreams <--- a fecking corridor with some company posters/rewards!

'...........we will be exploring every possible avenue & investigating the best possible alternative solutions at the earliest opportunity.'


i.e. We don't care & we wont be doing anything about it.:thumb:

:D yep, pretty much used in the same way as "Lessons learnt"

We have a Chief Inspector who regularly sends out emails full of this arty management drivel, one was some new patrol instructions that when printed off was 4 pages of A4 in length,
In summery the entire email translated into "There's a lot more push bike crime going on at the moment, the public and local businesses are upset, stop anyone you see on a bike and check if it's stolen, then lock 'em up if they are"

I must hear 'going forward' about 100 times a day ffs. Whatever happened to 'in future'?.

I'm stepping off the roundabout on this one....

I made that one up incidentally, but it's suitably vague I think.

Sub optimal

Or Sh1t, as normal people say

Can you take this conversation offline please?

I'd like to caveat that by imploring you to think outside the box for an solution...imagineer one if you have to.

When i hear this sh1t in meetings, i usually just respond with "oh just feck off" I can't stand the horsesh1t that goes on and i don't give a sh1t either. That's probably why i've had quite a few jobs in my time ;)

I agree. Our Ops Manager actually speaks like this daily!

It really grinds my gears!

You need to re-align your expectations & embrace the synergy.:hjtwofing:D:D

"It's about..."

Used all the time and it drives me nuts.

"It's about style, innovation, etc."

A lame excuse for failing to have the imagination to describe anything properly.

Jesus christ, now we have this little gem,

Excellence (that stopped in the modern office about 10yrs ago)
Respect (ha!, like you respect your employees when mass redundancies are required when the profits drop 1%)
Integrity (lol)
Contribution (yea i'll do my job if you pay me what i deserve, otherwise feck off)

Yes the acronym is "ERIC", and fecking ERIC awards, get to feck! What a load of bollocks :mad:

This is called infantilisation and is a feature of modern management techniques. One is basically conceived of as a primary school child who must be taught the 'right way' using the most simple techniques.

Exactly and guess where it originates from, yep the americoonts. It's so condescending and such a waste of time.

I thought it was PR/Marketing speak.

We need to sit down and discuss roles and Responsibilities :razz:

It is, i meant it originated from my companies American head office :)

I do remember asking one of the manger types what "low hanging fruit" meant, after a meeting where they mentioned it three times, as I was curious to see if they could articulate it in a better, ie; non-buzz word, way.
They blathered on for a bit and I interjected with "so, what you really mean is 'things that require low effort to achieve should be something we prioritize?'"

When they agreed, I did gently ask why they did not just use plain english, as some of the young members of the team (co-ops, typically 18 ish and their first time in the big real work world) might not understand the terminology being used, and would not ask, for fear of seeming foolish / questioning a superior. "Oh, ah, yes, good point" was the reply.

I really do loathe it when people use this type of language, I don't think it's needed and I'd rather have a longer worded statement, free of this type of crap, but making it crystal clear as to what is being stated and / or asked.