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My nuts were electrocuted today

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Old 14 May 2013, 05:57 PM
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LSherratt
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Exclamation My nuts were electrocuted today

This has firmly cemented my thoughts on farming being the UK’s most dangerous job (joint with fishing).

On our family farm, we have free range chickens for egg production. We have a flock of fairly young birds who aren’t all that bright when it comes to roaming the land and knowing where the boundaries are, although as a general rule, chickens are pretty stupid animals anyway. As a result of this, the more “technical” areas of land is fenced off with orange netting because otherwise the chickens will roam down the land and won’t find their way back to the poultry shed when the sun sets, effectively getting trapped.

When I erect the orange netting prior to a new flock of birds, I do my best to make sure it is secure and staked down into the ground. Occasionally a chicken will manage to crawl under the orange netting, or on even rarer occasions, fly over. I have never had any trouble before with climbing over in the fenced off land, catching the escapee, and flinging it back over in a slightly satisfying way, but today was different.

Now, there are two ways of getting into the fenced off area of land; through the main gate with electric wire running above, or along the pathway and over a metal fence also with electric wire running above, (you’re probably wondering why there’s so much electric wire... well it’s because all our farm land is fox proof electric fenced, but we also run it over the top of pathway fences and gates to stop chickens from attempting to jump over). As I was already walking down the pathway to get into a farm building, I decided to hop over the metal fence in order to catch the escapee chicken which had managed to get into the fenced off area of land.

I have done this loads of times before, but what I stupidly failed to remember was to turn off the separate electric wire running down the top of the metal fence (there’s a red handle nearby where you disengage the contacts which breaks the current). The current of the electric fence is 7,000 volts and pulses through the steel high tensile wire, and I’ve been shocked a couple times on my hand and arm. My father has also been shocked, but on the bloody head. He describe it to me and said it was like being hit on the noggin’ by a hammer almost knocking him out. His friend has also been shocked on the head while ducking under a gate and it made him fall to the floor. I’ve seen chickens shocked by the fence and they run off limping and squawking like there’s no tomorrow.

I think you can see where this is going.... anyway, I plant both hands on top of the electric wire thinking absolutely nothing of it, bounce off one foot, and lift a leg over the fence. At this point I can see the b@stard of a chicken clucking away in the field while I’m stradling the fence with my crown jewels now touching the top wire. At this moment, bang, “AARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFFCCCCCCCUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!” Words can’t describe it..... In fact, I’m pretty sure the next farmer over the fields could probably have heard my cry. I toppled over the fence and fell into the field curled up in a ball, tears in my eyes, looking more helpless than a fish in the desert. Obviously I’ve never experienced giving birth, and I also haven’t experienced passing kidney stones, but I’m bloody damn sure it could rival the pain. Why the hell couldn’t it have shocked my hands instead? It must have been seriously bad timing . After a couple minutes of clenching my nuts making sure they were still attached, I managed to stand up and proceeded to inspect my manhood. Thankfully everything seemed to look okay and I hope that it’ll be functioning properly with little worries. Also I did manage to eventually put the chicken back over the fence.


To help visualise the area, here's a picture I took on my phone (the area on the left is where I trying to go)

Last edited by LSherratt; 14 May 2013 at 06:09 PM.
Old 14 May 2013, 06:18 PM
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riiidaa
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I laughed so hard I stopped breathing momentarily. Very well written, a good story!

Ouch!!
Old 14 May 2013, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by LSherratt
This has firmly cemented my thoughts on farming being the UK’s most dangerous job (joint with fishing).
They are two different things. A joint with fishing or any other activity is apparently quite chilling instead, I hear.

I can see the b@stard of a chicken clucking away in the field while I’m stradling the fence with my crown jewels now touching the top wire. At this moment, bang, “AARRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFFCCCCCCCUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!” Words can’t describe it..... In fact, I’m pretty sure the next farmer over the fields could probably have heard my cry.
LOL @ "the b@rstard of a chicken" and the rest but so sorry to know you got electrocuted. Good to know you are ok, young man.
Old 14 May 2013, 06:28 PM
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I was gonna ask you if i could come and have ago,but after reading your post,i'm find it a Shocking story....
Old 14 May 2013, 06:40 PM
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Old 14 May 2013, 06:48 PM
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lul
Old 14 May 2013, 07:05 PM
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I spect you can still have children

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Old 14 May 2013, 07:35 PM
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Im pretty sure thats karma at work.
Old 14 May 2013, 09:59 PM
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LSherratt
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Thanks for the sympathy. I've since been able to p!ss without any trouble, but the real test will be with my girlfriend later
Old 14 May 2013, 10:14 PM
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Originally Posted by LSherratt
Thanks for the sympathy. I've since been able to p!ss without any trouble, but the real test will be with my girlfriend later
Put a bag on her head if she's that ugly
Old 14 May 2013, 10:53 PM
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She's probably outside sitting on the fence !
Old 15 May 2013, 08:21 AM
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Originally Posted by LSherratt
Thanks for the sympathy. I've since been able to p!ss without any trouble, but the real test will be with my girlfriend later
Get her to massage Greek yogurt on the affected area, then get her to lick it off, should be a good test for you.

Last edited by Oldun; 15 May 2013 at 08:25 AM.
Old 15 May 2013, 09:34 AM
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I'd hate that.
I remember silage time as a kid on the family farm.
Several of us used to play football with the goalie standing on top of the freshly dumped grass.
Anyway, one time the keeper made a really good save, punting the ball over a nearby fence.
I remember running like hell towards said fence, putting my left hand on top to fly over and similar experience.
Fecking fell in a heap after getting this shooting pain from the electric fence up through my arm.

Last edited by urban; 15 May 2013 at 02:08 PM.
Old 15 May 2013, 09:41 AM
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Many a soldier who did a rural tour of NI will know exactly how you feel! Me being one.
Old 15 May 2013, 11:33 AM
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Originally Posted by CharlySkunkWeed
She's probably outside sitting on the fence !


Better thrill than any washing machine i bet...
Old 15 May 2013, 02:01 PM
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Originally Posted by LSherratt
This has firmly cemented my thoughts on farming being the UK’s most dangerous job (joint with fishing).
Are you absolutely sure it's actually a dangerous job in itself :wond:

And not just a normal regular job, but populated with a higher than average proportion of muppets
Old 15 May 2013, 02:02 PM
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Originally Posted by LSherratt
This has firmly cemented my thoughts on farming being the UK’s most dangerous job (joint with fishing).
Are you absolutely sure it's actually a dangerous job in itself

And not just a normal regular job, but populated with a higher than average proportion of muppets
Old 15 May 2013, 02:12 PM
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We have a similar sort of fence around the perimeter of the estate and my younger sister was once swinging on a metal gate and swung into the fence head first by mistake. Next thing she knew she was off the gate and on the floor about 2m from the gate crying and asking why I'd punched her in the head?!! So I can only imagine how painful it would have been on the old gentleman parts!
I couldn't help but laugh at her though!
Old 15 May 2013, 02:22 PM
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sod that.... hope the little fella still works...
Old 15 May 2013, 02:27 PM
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brillaint read

I am the only one who misread the first line to include the word fisting
Old 15 May 2013, 05:38 PM
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Originally Posted by SwissTony
brillaint read

I am the only one who misread the first line to include the word fisting
Old 15 May 2013, 06:15 PM
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If they were electrocuted then they must be dead!

Nasty accident though-hope you have got over it by now.

Les
Old 15 May 2013, 07:34 PM
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Great story!
Old 16 May 2013, 03:21 PM
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LSherratt
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Originally Posted by CrisPDuk


Are you absolutely sure it's actually a dangerous job in itself

And not just a normal regular job, but populated with a higher than average proportion of muppets
Nah well it could be dangerous if you're not careful and rush certain jobs... I operate a lot of machinery and have to climb up 70ft high grain silos, then crawl along the open tops of them. They're most risky things I do anyway; I'm sure there's a lot jobs that are dangerous, but generally speaking as a whole, farming is one of them.
Old 16 May 2013, 03:32 PM
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Probably less farmers than there has been before, but it's still the most hazardous occupation along with deep sea fishing
Old 16 May 2013, 03:34 PM
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Would you rather quick electrocution over suffocating in a grain silo.
Old 16 May 2013, 03:52 PM
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That sounds about as painful as this ......

Old 16 May 2013, 04:53 PM
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LSherratt
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Originally Posted by dpb
Probably less farmers than there has been before, but it's still the most hazardous occupation along with deep sea fishing
Also, I've heard a few of reports of where people have fallen down into grain silo's and died from the fall, and farmers being killed by their machines/tractors. Only 2 days ago I read in the newspaper that a farmer was trampled by a herd of cows....
Old 16 May 2013, 04:59 PM
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Nasty things cows, horse won't do that
Old 16 May 2013, 05:06 PM
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Having said that we're not about to eat them, or are we.


Quick Reply: My nuts were electrocuted today



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