Banned From Sainsbury's
14 May 2013, 01:48 PM
#1
Scooby Regular
Thread Starter
Banned From Sainsbury's
I cannot take credit for this, I saw it on another forum and I thought it was quite funny so I thought I'd share it with you all
Banned from Sainsbury's
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local
Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my Bengie
and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a
dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now
enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's **** and a car hit me.
I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.
Who the f**k has altered the heading mods? whoever it was has missed out the apostrophe which should be there
Thank you
Banned from Sainsbury's
Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local
Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my Bengie
and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a
dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I
woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices
and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now
enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an
Irish Setter's **** and a car hit me.
I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.
Who the f**k has altered the heading mods? whoever it was has missed out the apostrophe which should be there
Thank you
Last edited by wrx300scooby; 14 May 2013 at 07:41 PM.
14 May 2013, 02:10 PM
#5
Bloke dies and goes up to see st Peter, only to be told he is bound for hell. He pleads with St peter for a second chance and is told he can go back for ONE month to see if he can live like a Christian, and, during that time, to prove his worth, he must not have sex.
He goes back a month later and St Peter asks THE question.
"Well, St Peter", says he, "I cannot tell a lie. One day my wife was bending over the freezer in a short skirt so I pulled her panties down and gave her one right there and then!"
"I'm sorry, my son," says St Peter, "But you are banned from heaven."
"I thought I might be," says the bloke, "I'm banned from Tesco too!"
He goes back a month later and St Peter asks THE question.
"Well, St Peter", says he, "I cannot tell a lie. One day my wife was bending over the freezer in a short skirt so I pulled her panties down and gave her one right there and then!"
"I'm sorry, my son," says St Peter, "But you are banned from heaven."
"I thought I might be," says the bloke, "I'm banned from Tesco too!"
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