Christmas.....
03 December 2012, 11:12 PM
#1
Christmas.....
Ok, I like, some time off, food and drink, the anticipation that something good is coming,
However, by and large its a load of **** really isnt it ?
Generally the weather dissapoints, 6 degrees and wet, rarely any actual snow apart from the fake stuff in shop windows and the Facebook photos of smug *******s who have gone sking.
Presents, I get to spend a fortune on **** and usually get less quality **** in return, usually my presents are crap I would buy anyway but somehow compromised in some way, I know it is better to give than receive
but it really is taking the ****, everyone has Amazon Wish lists, kind of ruins the minimal joy of giving someone a surprise I just put "Pay some tax ****ers" on mine. I want to provide a surprise for someone so may just wrap
the Hedgehog from the garden up and give it her dad in a box, Sprayed Gold and screwed to a hastily made plinth
The telly is now just a houseful of people staring at small screens at different times in different rooms, Eastenders will have special Christmas story line where someones raids the Walford nursery and eats all the babies, BBC
will repeat Jurassic Park, then we get Jonathan Ross doing a list of the top 100 adverts or some such toss, recorded in May.
The adverts **** me, off, the "posh" shops used to do smug and shiny, they dust off Twiggy again, I appreciate the ladies in their pants though. Nowadays they seem now to be going for humble and heart strings or
realistic and matey, the rest are all trying too hard to make utter **** sound appealing and essential, DFS can deliver me a suite for Christmas, why the watershed for home furnishings, one 48 hour period requires new
seating and will be ruined without ? Iceland must spend all year thinking weird stuff for parties, that you think "Hmm, that sounds nice", then you realise it is Iceland so will be disgusting. Ebay are saying they
sell perfect gifts, when did second hand broken **** consitute perfect ? and why, ffs is Ewan MacGregor doing ALdi adverts, "Its beginning to feel a lot like Aldi", I really hope not.
Music, really, the same old hackneyed turds like Slade and Wizzard trotted out every year and played at you in shops from late October, there should be a ban on those songs and the rest should be held back
until two weeks before. Then the X factor winner is "rushed out", recorded in June of course and tops the charts, you realise there are a lot more unimanginative and dangerous Mongs in the country than you imagined, you
then have an irrestible urge to hear "So here it is Merry Christmas" having heard the one Pikey one from X Factor singing again, musical Stockholm Syndrome.
People trying to tell you they feel "Christmassy", was too much of an esoteric and abstract concept for me, I assume they mean they have come to terms with what is about to pass and are probably one or two alcoholic
drinks in on an empty stomach. Then you get people posting **** on Facbook how they heard a Muslim didnt like a Christmas card or someone couldnt sing carols as it may offend Muslims, cue racist **** with 2 million likes
which was actually caused by some white do gooder in a council somewhere and was taken out of context anyway, same people send a picture of a soldier holding a baby, again with 2 million likes.
The works Christmas do, fills me with dread, I ignored the email in July, thankfully I can avoid it, usually involves the office getting so drunk they cant stand and try to dry hump each other on the dance floor,
I lasted two hours last year which was an improvement on just under an hour the year before. There is always a meal of such epic ****ness it defies belief, usually cold, vegatables either boiled mercilessley
since August or not at all, seemingly chopped by a horse chewing on them, thrown at you by a sour faced teenage girl who has probably served 20 such meals in the last week and now wants to kill you.
Food, we always eat too much, Christmas dinner is just a roast dinner where you have hit the options list and then eaten twice as much as you meant to, then you spend 36 hours releasing some of the richest and most
pungent farts known to man, even enought After Eights to tile a Space Shuttle cant add a minty note to the proceedings, you long for January, salads and a good solid poo.
Drink, two weeks of drinking really, every morning you say no booze tonight and then at 5 pm you are choosing which wine to open, its like Alcoholic Groundhog Day.
Then you need to spend time with relatives, her parents, for me it is redolent of the time in World War 1 when the British and German soldiers all popped out for their office christmas do in no mans land, sharing chocolate and
discussing the years maiming and death before going back to shelling each other, but without the good feeling, I tell the missus I have to drink to soften the blow to my central nervous system and stop me biting anyone.
We stick a tree in our living room, a huge pine type thing, covered in gaudy ****, it becomes a thing of wonder to the dog, mainly as we decorate it with chocolate, how awesome is that to a dog ? a tree, inside,
covered in Chocolate, you can have a slash up it whilst nibbling a Cadbury's reindeer ! they even provide a drinking bowl under there, could probably get away with a dump behind it but last year he found the metal crank
for the base with his head quite hard, yelped, paniced and nearly knocked it over. This tree usually costs fifty quid and involves me losing my rag whils the missus says "its not straight", after two hours of alterations
and it being straighter than my spirit level she declares "it will have to do".
The actual day, massive Anti Climax, piles of rubbish round the house, people in their bedwear eating mainly from selection boxes, where does the selection aspect come in when you troff the ****ing lot in one sitting ?
The sales, everyone is so deprived of shopping after them being closed for 24 long hours they have to rush off to the sales, all the **** you didnt want before Christmas, reduced in price and you get to scrum for it
with people who have had a dangerously rich diet for a few days, it is like a jumble sale in a festival toilet. The ********* that go then moan about it.
Then we get New Years eve, you feel like you should do something but generally dont, then you realise another year has all but gone and you are watching Jools Annual Hootenany (Recorded in September) and there is
Lenny Henry, Dawn French but to be fair, some decent music, the countdown to midnight rings hollow as you know it was months ago, still at least the fireworks are good
You then emerege bleary eyed and skint into January, I love to burn the tree, it goes up like an Oil Refinery, and to think we had that ****** in the living room !
Merry ****ing winter type festival ****ers !
However, by and large its a load of **** really isnt it ?
Generally the weather dissapoints, 6 degrees and wet, rarely any actual snow apart from the fake stuff in shop windows and the Facebook photos of smug *******s who have gone sking.
Presents, I get to spend a fortune on **** and usually get less quality **** in return, usually my presents are crap I would buy anyway but somehow compromised in some way, I know it is better to give than receive
but it really is taking the ****, everyone has Amazon Wish lists, kind of ruins the minimal joy of giving someone a surprise I just put "Pay some tax ****ers" on mine. I want to provide a surprise for someone so may just wrap
the Hedgehog from the garden up and give it her dad in a box, Sprayed Gold and screwed to a hastily made plinth
The telly is now just a houseful of people staring at small screens at different times in different rooms, Eastenders will have special Christmas story line where someones raids the Walford nursery and eats all the babies, BBC
will repeat Jurassic Park, then we get Jonathan Ross doing a list of the top 100 adverts or some such toss, recorded in May.
The adverts **** me, off, the "posh" shops used to do smug and shiny, they dust off Twiggy again, I appreciate the ladies in their pants though. Nowadays they seem now to be going for humble and heart strings or
realistic and matey, the rest are all trying too hard to make utter **** sound appealing and essential, DFS can deliver me a suite for Christmas, why the watershed for home furnishings, one 48 hour period requires new
seating and will be ruined without ? Iceland must spend all year thinking weird stuff for parties, that you think "Hmm, that sounds nice", then you realise it is Iceland so will be disgusting. Ebay are saying they
sell perfect gifts, when did second hand broken **** consitute perfect ? and why, ffs is Ewan MacGregor doing ALdi adverts, "Its beginning to feel a lot like Aldi", I really hope not.
Music, really, the same old hackneyed turds like Slade and Wizzard trotted out every year and played at you in shops from late October, there should be a ban on those songs and the rest should be held back
until two weeks before. Then the X factor winner is "rushed out", recorded in June of course and tops the charts, you realise there are a lot more unimanginative and dangerous Mongs in the country than you imagined, you
then have an irrestible urge to hear "So here it is Merry Christmas" having heard the one Pikey one from X Factor singing again, musical Stockholm Syndrome.
People trying to tell you they feel "Christmassy", was too much of an esoteric and abstract concept for me, I assume they mean they have come to terms with what is about to pass and are probably one or two alcoholic
drinks in on an empty stomach. Then you get people posting **** on Facbook how they heard a Muslim didnt like a Christmas card or someone couldnt sing carols as it may offend Muslims, cue racist **** with 2 million likes
which was actually caused by some white do gooder in a council somewhere and was taken out of context anyway, same people send a picture of a soldier holding a baby, again with 2 million likes.
The works Christmas do, fills me with dread, I ignored the email in July, thankfully I can avoid it, usually involves the office getting so drunk they cant stand and try to dry hump each other on the dance floor,
I lasted two hours last year which was an improvement on just under an hour the year before. There is always a meal of such epic ****ness it defies belief, usually cold, vegatables either boiled mercilessley
since August or not at all, seemingly chopped by a horse chewing on them, thrown at you by a sour faced teenage girl who has probably served 20 such meals in the last week and now wants to kill you.
Food, we always eat too much, Christmas dinner is just a roast dinner where you have hit the options list and then eaten twice as much as you meant to, then you spend 36 hours releasing some of the richest and most
pungent farts known to man, even enought After Eights to tile a Space Shuttle cant add a minty note to the proceedings, you long for January, salads and a good solid poo.
Drink, two weeks of drinking really, every morning you say no booze tonight and then at 5 pm you are choosing which wine to open, its like Alcoholic Groundhog Day.
Then you need to spend time with relatives, her parents, for me it is redolent of the time in World War 1 when the British and German soldiers all popped out for their office christmas do in no mans land, sharing chocolate and
discussing the years maiming and death before going back to shelling each other, but without the good feeling, I tell the missus I have to drink to soften the blow to my central nervous system and stop me biting anyone.
We stick a tree in our living room, a huge pine type thing, covered in gaudy ****, it becomes a thing of wonder to the dog, mainly as we decorate it with chocolate, how awesome is that to a dog ? a tree, inside,
covered in Chocolate, you can have a slash up it whilst nibbling a Cadbury's reindeer ! they even provide a drinking bowl under there, could probably get away with a dump behind it but last year he found the metal crank
for the base with his head quite hard, yelped, paniced and nearly knocked it over. This tree usually costs fifty quid and involves me losing my rag whils the missus says "its not straight", after two hours of alterations
and it being straighter than my spirit level she declares "it will have to do".
The actual day, massive Anti Climax, piles of rubbish round the house, people in their bedwear eating mainly from selection boxes, where does the selection aspect come in when you troff the ****ing lot in one sitting ?
The sales, everyone is so deprived of shopping after them being closed for 24 long hours they have to rush off to the sales, all the **** you didnt want before Christmas, reduced in price and you get to scrum for it
with people who have had a dangerously rich diet for a few days, it is like a jumble sale in a festival toilet. The ********* that go then moan about it.
Then we get New Years eve, you feel like you should do something but generally dont, then you realise another year has all but gone and you are watching Jools Annual Hootenany (Recorded in September) and there is
Lenny Henry, Dawn French but to be fair, some decent music, the countdown to midnight rings hollow as you know it was months ago, still at least the fireworks are good
You then emerege bleary eyed and skint into January, I love to burn the tree, it goes up like an Oil Refinery, and to think we had that ****** in the living room !
Merry ****ing winter type festival ****ers !
03 December 2012, 11:47 PM
#5
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fck the rest control your eating to medium quality meals
its the time f year where your able to scoff on highly nutritious andbeneficial meants and veg.
i split my xmas dinner or dinners into 3 mega tasty meals with all the trimmings
a time to enjoy food, relax and grow, and enjoy watching the kids have a good time
all is well
its the time f year where your able to scoff on highly nutritious andbeneficial meants and veg.
i split my xmas dinner or dinners into 3 mega tasty meals with all the trimmings
a time to enjoy food, relax and grow, and enjoy watching the kids have a good time
all is well
04 December 2012, 02:10 AM
#6
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... And breathe....
Work Xmas can go fugging themselves. That's a given.
Our youngest are in their twenties, so Xmas isn't a biggie now. So Xmas 2012 is now occurring on the 25th Jan 2013.
1. Easy for us all to book off time from work.
2. All our presents will be bought in the sales, using "the force", no wish lists here.
3. We have planned a three day party with food and drink.
4. All our Blu-rays will be appreciated.
5. We will spend time as a family because we want to.
Xmas on 25th of Dec 2012 will be spent having lamb and spuds as that is what we do on a Tuesday.
Work Xmas can go fugging themselves. That's a given.
Our youngest are in their twenties, so Xmas isn't a biggie now. So Xmas 2012 is now occurring on the 25th Jan 2013.
1. Easy for us all to book off time from work.
2. All our presents will be bought in the sales, using "the force", no wish lists here.
3. We have planned a three day party with food and drink.
4. All our Blu-rays will be appreciated.
5. We will spend time as a family because we want to.
Xmas on 25th of Dec 2012 will be spent having lamb and spuds as that is what we do on a Tuesday.
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04 December 2012, 10:17 AM
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Given the erratic spacing of the initial post, J4cko, where did you copy/paste it from? 
But yes in general i agree with your sentiments, a huge amount of anticipation for what usually turns out to be a bit of a waste of a day. With no kids, i can understand why a lot of people just don't bother.
But yes in general i agree with your sentiments, a huge amount of anticipation for what usually turns out to be a bit of a waste of a day. With no kids, i can understand why a lot of people just don't bother.
04 December 2012, 11:25 AM
#13
04 December 2012, 02:24 PM
#15
hahaha you should write a book! - my personal favourite
We stick a tree in our living room, a huge pine type thing, covered in gaudy ****, it becomes a thing of wonder to the dog, mainly as we decorate it with chocolate, how awesome is that to a dog ? a tree, inside,
covered in Chocolate, you can have a slash up it whilst nibbling a Cadbury's reindeer
covered in Chocolate, you can have a slash up it whilst nibbling a Cadbury's reindeer
04 December 2012, 03:16 PM
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Holy c4ap jacko, i read the first line and fell asleep. Just woke up, you're getting old fella, sounds like you'll be getting visits from the three pistons on xmas eve..
Just took the time to read it and I have to say I do agree with the statement of enough "after eight"s to tile the space shuttle.
Actually, I agree with most of what you say, but **** it, ITTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS XXXXXXXXXXMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SS
Just took the time to read it and I have to say I do agree with the statement of enough "after eight"s to tile the space shuttle.
Actually, I agree with most of what you say, but **** it, ITTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS XXXXXXXXXXMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SS
Last edited by Carlh; 04 December 2012 at 03:21 PM.
04 December 2012, 04:23 PM
#20
I think so but also I beleive it goes back further, I think there has always been the requirement for a bit of a feast in the depths of Winter, so perhaps the Christians hijacked it but I certainly agree it has become a mawkish festival of consumption and polluted by commerce.
I think really it needs toning down, less is more, buy less and spread it over a shorter period, I remember it being confined to December as a kid but that may be me just not noticing.
I love the idea of Christmas, I love winter but it has got a bit overblown, but i suppose it is what you make it, I am not in the slightest religous and never will be so the Christian aspect is lost on me.
I think really it needs toning down, less is more, buy less and spread it over a shorter period, I remember it being confined to December as a kid but that may be me just not noticing.
I love the idea of Christmas, I love winter but it has got a bit overblown, but i suppose it is what you make it, I am not in the slightest religous and never will be so the Christian aspect is lost on me.
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