scoobyvirgin

Short version....

Friend with gambling problem, works in pub. Spends majority of wage in the bandits or down at the bookies placing bets or in their electronic machines.

Will not admit he's got a problem Anyway, mentioned it in front of him and his Mrs tonight and a few other people he works with. It was all thrown back in my face and then once he'd left I got texts to ask why the F I did that.

Anyway, what I want to know is, is there anyone that would go to his work place for counselling? To literally pull him into the office and make him admit he had a problem and do something about it?

It really is making a mess of his life, he's just so far in denial it is unbelievable.

Any tips on where or which way to go would help.

Bean1984

iTrader: (3)

1st sign of a problem is denial mate. You might wanna pull his bird to the side and tell her to seriously look into it as you dont wanna see their relationship collapse. Hopefully if she takes your word for it she might look into it and see that your mate has a problem....

Lisawrx

iTrader: (1)

To be honest, as harsh as it may sound, it is his life. If he has such a problem, why isn't his missus trying to get through to him, as surely it is impacting on her life as well? Maybe as a concerned friend, the better approach initially would have been to either speak to him in private or at a push speak to his partner and ask if she has noticed a problem and put your heads together.

By no means am I an expert, but I would imagine there isn't a way to force help on him from an outsider, as I would think the only person that could ask for help with an addiction would be the person suffering from it, if they realise it is a problem or admit it is. It's not like the addiction is illegal, so I really don't know if anyone would act on behalf of a worried friend.

Good luck all the same to you trying to help your friend and sorry I can't offer any real advice. The only thing I could suggest is going back to my first point, once he has calmed down, and try to explain that you were only concerned about him. Did his missus have anything to say?

legb4rsk

I wouldn't bet on it.

jods

I'll give 10 to 1 that SV will ever be trusted again.

Not your place to say anything IMHO SV

Lost a pal there.

Bean1984

iTrader: (3)

HThat can be looked upon 2 different ways mate

Dingdongler

Agreed, the odds are against it. However it's worth a throw of the dice I suppose.

RobsyUK

iTrader: (2)

You can speak to the gambling shop. The staff should be trained in how to advise addiction etc (I would have thought). You could even be horrible and give them a picture of him and say he is addicted don't sell to him. Might work and then you will defo loose a pal

dpb

Get him barred?

Saxo Boy

Maybe write to him putting your thoughts down carefully and expressing that you are a friend and deeply concerned. It's a little less confrontational as your friend can sit and read/mull over your letter on his own. Stress that you don't want to lose a friendship and that beyond the letter you'll stay completely out of his affairs. If he ignores the letter and remains on his destructive path, then, well, you did your best and can always say you tried to nip it in the bud.

scoobeenut

Might be worth talking to these people http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/ and see what they suggest.

dirtybarry

may sound harsh but i would wash my hands with him

scoobyvirgin

Thanks for the replies. His Mrs already knew he had a problem, too scared to do anything about it. She's also worried about the amount of lies he comes out with but again, won't confront him.

As for losing a mate, I think that's long since gone, we'll agree to go out and he just goes on the bandits leaving me to babysit his Mrs. Funnily enough the texts said it was none of my business too, it is though when he starts asking to borrow money from me to fund his habit. (None leant)

Oh well.

specialx

A sticky wicket this one.. I had a so called friend years ago who was addicted to hard drugs, I worked really hard with him and just about succeeded in getting him off them. Then out of the blue he came up with load of s**t fed it to his missus who wrote my missus a letter that nearly ended up leaving me single!!

All I was trying to do was help him ffs!!

What did I learn? People are c**ts and only think about themselves when there are in a place like that, you can try to help them as much as you want and they will only start down the road to recovery when THEY realise they have a problem.

Good luck with that Ads

Ant

Bet with him he can't stop gambling

TelBoy

I know somebody who had a gambling addiction. It became worse as he convinced himself he could win back his losses. Once he had lost more or less everything he had, declared bankrupt the full nine yards, he then acknowledged he had a problem. These days he's like an ex-smoker, he knows he has to avoid betting or it could be a slippery slope again. To my knowledge he didn't get professional counselling. Your ex-friend will probably need to lose a lot more money/relationships/property before he will seek help if he's in such denial. Personally i think you did the right thing to highlight his problem. It's now up to him what he does with the information.

David Lock

It's so stupid isn't it? He wins the Jackpot every now and again but refuses to realise that it has cost him 3 x the Jackpot to win

But there are groups that offer help - as mentioned above - so there is nothing stopping you having a chat. My guess would be that they would want him or his missus to call them and take it from there.

Of course it may cost him his relationship and his house but it's worth a go. Good luck and pm me if you know the winning Lottery numbers this week

dl

EddScott

You know the typical NSR answer to this I'm sure


I know its a mate but you can't get involved because it almost always gets turned round and you end being the bad guy.

I kid you not when I say that recently it was discovered that a local woman in her 40s had managed to blow £500K on online gambling. When they got into her online account at one point she was losing £1K a minute.

Problem with gambling is that its not an obvious illness. If it were drugs or alcohol you could tell but as its something that doesn't outwardly affect the body its hard to accept it is happening - even when the baliff rocks up and takes your car.

ScoobyWon't

I know who SV is referring to, let's call him Monkey, and we've been friends for just over 20 years. He really does have a problem.

A few weeks ago, he blew all of his cash on the Friday evening, after being paid that day. By Monday he's asking his missus to lend him money so he can put it in the fruit machines. She refuses. When they leave the pub, he walks in to the house and turns round and locks her out, turns off his phone and goes to bed.

My cousin (who's also SV's cousin) came up from Wales, to do a job with me. My cousin and I met Monkey at the pub he works in. When we walked through the door, Monkey was feeding the bandit. He stopped, saying he was bored. Half an hour later, his missus called to say she was on his way to collect him as he'd promised to put horses away with her. he said he was just finishing his pint, and he'd be ready. Mrs Monkey turns up, he's not finished his pint, keeps her waiting ten minutes and then says he's going to the toiket. Half hour later, he's not back, she goes in and he's on the same fruit machine. She's pissed off as she is going to be late put ther horses away, yet she doesn't say a single word during he journey as she knows he will go ballistic and turn it aroudn on her.

Two Friday's ago, SV and I met Monkey, as SV had serviced Mrs Monkey's car. Monkey was on the bandit again. We then took Mrs Monkey's car to her, to swap with SV, as she had his car. Monkey was straight in, on to the bandits it that pub. He put about £90 in and took £140 out, then proceeded to put it straight in to the next bandit.

We eventually dragged him out, saying we'd meet him in another pub, and dropped him off to pick up his scooter. He didn't turn up in the pub at all. He only made it as far as teh bookmakers and put the rest of his weeks wages on various bets.

As for losing things, he lives with his dad (he's 33) and he doesn't have a car, just a scooter. He really can't afford a car. Monkey and Mrs Monkey are supposed to be looking for a house to rent together, but he'll never have the money to pay the rent. Mrs Monkey already doesn't trust Monkey and thinks he's always lying, as SV mentioned - I said "You can tell when he's lying as his mouth is moving".

We've been hinting at him for years that we think he has a gambling problem as we know all of his catchphrases such as "Just have a pound on the fruity", "Lend us a tenner", "I've got a cert for you".

There was a leaflet from Vegas, about gambling and signs of addiction, we read it through and saw about 17 out of 20 signs

I'm lucky, Mrs Monkey doesn't know my number, so she can't phone or text me, but I always give her the same advice anyway. "Go out with someone else"

ScoobyWon't

You wouldn't want to **** her. She does nothing but eat, has put on about 4 stone in six months, is thick as **** and is always complaining about her body. I don't think I've seen her smile in the last two years.

GlesgaKiss

I remember a couple of years ago - I think it was May/June '10 when the market fell off a cliff - reading a post on iii from a guy who was a regular poster there. He said he'd lost the majority of his life savings over the preceding few days - something like £60k! - by trying to make up his losses. It's the same old story.

Dr Hu

You just can't help some people......

His Mrs is just too scared to break it off - sounds like she already knows the relationship is dead & gone anyway.....

Maybe a relationship breakup may just give him the hints that he does have a prob, but TBH it sounds like he has a way to go yet....

urban

iTrader: (1)

Right, I was thinking earlier, why doesn't she leave him, but that explains why.

Fat birds are always grateful though

Markus

And there I was thinking 'friend' = SW (Just kidding matey )

If a friend / acquaintance isn't going to tell you that you have a problem, then who will? Yes, it's not nice to do, and you will get crap thrown at you, but at least you have said it, and if your'e saying it, it's something that is bothering you, and it should bloody well bother the person who has the problem.

Here is a thought, get the female monkey to go here and have a read. It sounds as though she too needs some help and advice (bar the "get shot of the fool") on dealing with this, and talking to others in the same position could help.

Markus

PaulC72

Be careful he don't place on on your nose.

ScoobyWon't

Cheeky ****



One story I forgot to mention, Monkey went to Vegas with an old girlfriend a few years ago. One evening they were supposed to go out for a meal. He said he'd go to the casino while she got ready.

He returned about 8 hours later. She was still waiting for him. And not happy.

CharlySkunkWeed

iTrader: (7)

thats exactly what i was going to say ! Its keeps it friendly , he cant get confrontational , and technically it stops him gambling . If he resists for say 1 month , he isnt as addicted as OP thinks , and everyone is still friends at the end. Unless if he wins the bet and uses his winnings to go on a betting spree it has defeated the purpose.

ScoobyWon't

Trouble is, when he wins, he puts it all in the next machine thinking he'll win more. When he loses, he starts chasing those losses.

CharlySkunkWeed

iTrader: (7)

fruit machines are his downfall obviously , so as they are in his local and he only needs change in his pocket i would say try and keep him out of there. Its easy to have a word with the bookies , or the shop selling scratchcards , but that slot-machine is too easy for him. Try to get him barred from the pub (discreetly in case he blames you) and go somewhere else. Or walk away. I see loads of guys i went to school with spending all day in the bookies , thats more than 15years worth of gambling , and they still keep going back.Some people just do it , and like it , weather or not they are addicted is how far they fall.