lozgti1

You know

'better to arrive late in this world than early in the next' sort of thing

As opposed to 'A woman a dog and a walnut tree,the more you beat them the better they be' bit rough that one

Any good ones you like

My favourite is 'Anxieties yield at a negative rate,increasing in smallness the longer they wait' so true! Live my life by that one Things that seem rubbish right now will seem like nothing after a while

The Dogs B******s

Better the devil you know,than the devil you don't

Bugatti

A recession is when your neighbour loses his job, a depression is when you lose yours

bigsinky

she has a minge like a ripped out fireplace

(c) chopper

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: pull down your pants and slide on the ice." Dr Sydney Freedman.

bigsinky

i left her face like a painter's radio

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

^^^^ F*cking genuis^^^^^ That's going in the collection!

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

"You don't have to be a baker to put cream in a tart!"

- Probably Chopper!

JackClark

Better late than premature.

Lee247

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

New_scooby_04

iTrader: (4)

A fish supper is nice covered in Daddy's sauce, but remember: keep the safety catch on or aim high!

JackClark

I was in Bagdad when you were in your Dads bag.

wayne9t9

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

CrisPDuk

Life's a bitch, you marry one, you die.

(c) My Dad

Scooby Roo

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups....

Oh and

God invented war to teach the americans geography [grumpy old men]

AndyC_772

iTrader: (2)

Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

It's impossible to make anything foolproof. Fools are too ingenious.

Assumption is the mother of all f**k-ups.

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence.

zip106

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.

Trout

iTrader: (1)

The grass is greener where you water it

The Zohan

History matters because it reminds us who we are, what we've done and what we might do better

Don't eat yellow snow!

fitzscoob

if you find a good woman, shoot it before she turns bad

care of all the single men from my local pub!

bigsinky

How can you trust something that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die?

JTaylor

It has been said that voyeurs project on to others and in so doing wrongly assume that those others have comparable perversions.

f1_fan

iTrader: (9)

It is better to have loved and lost than to have spent all one's life w4nking!

Never place all your phase one reproduction biopeds in any one single conveyance receptacle.

© Not the Nine O Clock News

It's a bent paintbrush that paints its own handle

© Q Magazine Edition 1

JPL

Going to war over religion is basically killing one another to see who's got the better imaginary friend

Maz

iTrader: (34)

You can't change the direction of the wind but you can adjust your sails.

Maz

iTrader: (34)

The most important helping hand you'll ever get is the one at the end of your arm.

10bats

my mouth feels like the inside of an african witch doctors black joo joo bag.

left her with a silvery map of the phillapines on her back.

pacenote

Life is a **** sandwich and it's always lunchtime

Maz

iTrader: (34)

None so empty as those full of themselves,