bigsinky

Shamelessly stolen of course.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.

The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the shaking cabby said, "I'm sorry but you scared the hell out of me."

The passenger apologised to the driver and said he didn't realise that just a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab."

"You must be very nervous. What was your last job?" inquired the passenger.

The cabby replied, "I used to drive a hearse."

bigsinky

A man on a flight to sydney is surprised to see a parrot strapped into the seat next to him.

The man politely asks the stewardess, "Could I have a cup of coffee please", but the parrot squawks, "Get me a whiskey, you ******* bitch."

The stewardess flustered by the parrot's outburst, brings back a whiskey for the parrot, but forgets the man's cup of coffee.

As the man points out the omission of his coffee to the stewardess, the parrot downs his drink and shouts, "And get me another whiskey, you dirty ****."

Visibly shaken, the stewardess comes back with the parrot's whiskey, but still no coffee for the man.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides he'll try the parrot's approach: "I've asked you twice for a cup of coffee, you bitch. I expect you to get it for me right now or I'm going to slap that ugly face of yours!"

Next thing they know, both the man and the parrot are dragged from their seats and tossed out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards, at 30,000 feet!

Plunging downwards to the ground, the parrot turns to the man and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a cocky basterd!"

bigsinky

Mick says to Paddy, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".....
Paddy says "Ayee, Let's hope it's not the 13th."

bigsinky

A boy was in a science class learning about sexually transmitted infections.

The science teacher said, "Now there is nothing funny about syphilis."

The boy said, "There is if your doctor has a lisp."

Leslie

Good ones Big S,especially the first one.

Les