Women........and cars!
28 September 2011, 08:09 AM
#1
Women........and cars!
So this week, Monday, was the day of my mate's funeral. My wife came home from work at 2.30, and we set off in the Xantia, since I think that a Scoob in 559 Bright Red and with a loud exhaust somehow just doesn't fit in at a funeral.
On the way there I thought the Xantia was making a strange noise, so, as we slowed on arrival, I switched off the sounds and wound down the window for a listen, and sure enough, there is quite a loud tapping noise from the engine
I say so. "Oh," says she, "It's been doing that for a while now."
WTF?????? She couldn't SAY something??????? She drives the damned thing 20 miles each way every day, and it's apparently been like that for a couple of weeks
So.........after the funeral we call at my local garage and he reckons it doesn't sound terminal, but not to drive it and booked it in fort NEXT monday.
Now comes the next bit: I'm off back to France on Friday. She has used the Subaru for work this week, leaving me on foot, not a problem, but promised faithfully to arrange a lift to work while the Xantia is in the garage.
THIS morning, she's up and whining because she has to go and get fuel for the Scoob..she KNEW this last night, but chose to put it off until this morning.
Doing so now meant that she would have had to go INTO town to the Shell station, and, since she was NO WAY going to be ready early enough to avoid the jams that occur in that area, I got up and went. This was after I had pointed out the jams, and suggested she go now, to avoid the jams, but no, no make-up yet, and not had her breakfast. Couldn't go and come back, could she? I had to go myself as it's better than the whining and moaning I'd have had this evening when she DID get stuck in the jams and was late for work
However, in the ensuing argument, she reveals that she HASN'T a lift for Friday, or maybe not for next week, as the lass she was GOING to go with is off work
On asking when shwe proposed to tell me that, she said she wasn't going to and would have to work something out like she always has to......aye, right. Like the Xantia, then?
So now my France trip is off until further notice. I've already lost £38 in a hotel I can't cancel or change, and DFDS will add £20 to a £26 bill to change the ferry booking That's nearly £60 p1ssed away just like that
Why is it that a woman who is SO organised in her work can be so UTTERLY useless with cars?
On the way there I thought the Xantia was making a strange noise, so, as we slowed on arrival, I switched off the sounds and wound down the window for a listen, and sure enough, there is quite a loud tapping noise from the engine
I say so. "Oh," says she, "It's been doing that for a while now."
WTF?????? She couldn't SAY something??????? She drives the damned thing 20 miles each way every day, and it's apparently been like that for a couple of weeks
So.........after the funeral we call at my local garage and he reckons it doesn't sound terminal, but not to drive it and booked it in fort NEXT monday.
Now comes the next bit: I'm off back to France on Friday. She has used the Subaru for work this week, leaving me on foot, not a problem, but promised faithfully to arrange a lift to work while the Xantia is in the garage.
THIS morning, she's up and whining because she has to go and get fuel for the Scoob..she KNEW this last night, but chose to put it off until this morning.
Doing so now meant that she would have had to go INTO town to the Shell station, and, since she was NO WAY going to be ready early enough to avoid the jams that occur in that area, I got up and went. This was after I had pointed out the jams, and suggested she go now, to avoid the jams, but no, no make-up yet, and not had her breakfast. Couldn't go and come back, could she? I had to go myself as it's better than the whining and moaning I'd have had this evening when she DID get stuck in the jams and was late for workHowever, in the ensuing argument, she reveals that she HASN'T a lift for Friday, or maybe not for next week, as the lass she was GOING to go with is off work
On asking when shwe proposed to tell me that, she said she wasn't going to and would have to work something out like she always has to......aye, right. Like the Xantia, then?
So now my France trip is off until further notice. I've already lost £38 in a hotel I can't cancel or change, and DFDS will add £20 to a £26 bill to change the ferry booking
That's nearly £60 p1ssed away just like thatWhy is it that a woman who is SO organised in her work can be so UTTERLY useless with cars?
28 September 2011, 08:34 AM
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My ex was the same.
Manager at a major electrical wholesaler who organised in minute detail major audits and staff movements.
One saturday morning i'm outside washing my car. She pops her head out the door and says, "can you check my tyres they don't feel right"
So I go over to her company car and first look at the tyres and see the tread is really low. I then feel the tread with my hand when, "OW"!!!!! Bits of wire stuck in my hand. The feckin tyres are down to the wire!!! Not just one! All of them!!!
I go in and give her a bollocking and tell her to get some tyres now!! "Oh i'm going shopping with my sister, i'll do it next week".
After my head exploded she got them done straight away.
Women!!!
Manager at a major electrical wholesaler who organised in minute detail major audits and staff movements.
One saturday morning i'm outside washing my car. She pops her head out the door and says, "can you check my tyres they don't feel right"
So I go over to her company car and first look at the tyres and see the tread is really low. I then feel the tread with my hand when, "OW"!!!!! Bits of wire stuck in my hand. The feckin tyres are down to the wire!!! Not just one! All of them!!!
I go in and give her a bollocking and tell her to get some tyres now!! "Oh i'm going shopping with my sister, i'll do it next week".
After my head exploded she got them done straight away.
Women!!!
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28 September 2011, 08:52 AM
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So this week, Monday, was the day of my mate's funeral. My wife came home from work at 2.30, and we set off in the Xantia, since I think that a Scoob in 559 Bright Red and with a loud exhaust somehow just doesn't fit in at a funeral.
On the way there I thought the Xantia was making a strange noise, so, as we slowed on arrival, I switched off the sounds and wound down the window for a listen, and sure enough, there is quite a loud tapping noise from the engine
I say so. "Oh," says she, "It's been doing that for a while now."
WTF?????? She couldn't SAY something??????? She drives the damned thing 20 miles each way every day, and it's apparently been like that for a couple of weeks
So.........after the funeral we call at my local garage and he reckons it doesn't sound terminal, but not to drive it and booked it in fort NEXT monday.
Now comes the next bit: I'm off back to France on Friday. She has used the Subaru for work this week, leaving me on foot, not a problem, but promised faithfully to arrange a lift to work while the Xantia is in the garage.
THIS morning, she's up and whining because she has to go and get fuel for the Scoob..she KNEW this last night, but chose to put it off until this morning. Doing so now meant that she would have had to go INTO town to the Shell station, and, since she was NO WAY going to be ready early enough to avoid the jams that occur in that area, I got up and went. This was after I had pointed out the jams, and suggested she go now, to avoid the jams, but no, no make-up yet, and not had her breakfast. Couldn't go and come back, could she? I had to go myself as it's better than the whining and moaning I'd have had this evening when she DID get stuck in the jams and was late for work
However, in the ensuing argument, she reveals that she HASN'T a lift for Friday, or maybe not for next week, as the lass she was GOING to go with is off work
On asking when shwe proposed to tell me that, she said she wasn't going to and would have to work something out like she always has to......aye, right. Like the Xantia, then?
So now my France trip is off until further notice. I've already lost £38 in a hotel I can't cancel or change, and DFDS will add £20 to a £26 bill to change the ferry booking That's nearly £60 p1ssed away just like that
Why is it that a woman who is SO organised in her work can be so UTTERLY useless with cars?
On the way there I thought the Xantia was making a strange noise, so, as we slowed on arrival, I switched off the sounds and wound down the window for a listen, and sure enough, there is quite a loud tapping noise from the engine
I say so. "Oh," says she, "It's been doing that for a while now."
WTF?????? She couldn't SAY something??????? She drives the damned thing 20 miles each way every day, and it's apparently been like that for a couple of weeks
So.........after the funeral we call at my local garage and he reckons it doesn't sound terminal, but not to drive it and booked it in fort NEXT monday.
Now comes the next bit: I'm off back to France on Friday. She has used the Subaru for work this week, leaving me on foot, not a problem, but promised faithfully to arrange a lift to work while the Xantia is in the garage.
THIS morning, she's up and whining because she has to go and get fuel for the Scoob..she KNEW this last night, but chose to put it off until this morning.
Doing so now meant that she would have had to go INTO town to the Shell station, and, since she was NO WAY going to be ready early enough to avoid the jams that occur in that area, I got up and went. This was after I had pointed out the jams, and suggested she go now, to avoid the jams, but no, no make-up yet, and not had her breakfast. Couldn't go and come back, could she? I had to go myself as it's better than the whining and moaning I'd have had this evening when she DID get stuck in the jams and was late for workHowever, in the ensuing argument, she reveals that she HASN'T a lift for Friday, or maybe not for next week, as the lass she was GOING to go with is off work
On asking when shwe proposed to tell me that, she said she wasn't going to and would have to work something out like she always has to......aye, right. Like the Xantia, then?
So now my France trip is off until further notice. I've already lost £38 in a hotel I can't cancel or change, and DFDS will add £20 to a £26 bill to change the ferry booking
That's nearly £60 p1ssed away just like thatWhy is it that a woman who is SO organised in her work can be so UTTERLY useless with cars?
28 September 2011, 09:03 AM
#12
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We are not all the same.
I just got my own exhaust fitted after noticing it was blowing. Got a discount too
It's a shame it's still blowing after having a full exhaust replaced?!
I just got my own exhaust fitted after noticing it was blowing. Got a discount too
It's a shame it's still blowing after having a full exhaust replaced?!
28 September 2011, 09:14 AM
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Welcome to my world mate
My Mrs is exactly the same and my Ex was worse
I used to have a Astra GTE the Ex blew the engine in it running it low on oil when I was away in the Army her answer to it was " ohh yea there was a gravy boat light on the dash for the past couple of weeks" a Gravy boat you mean the oil light you retard why the hell would you put gravy in a car?
My current Mrs wrote off her car into a tree trying to avoid hitting a cat! she only had 3rd party insurance so never got a penny for the car, if she hit the cat prob next to no damage maybe need to fix a under tray at most ...
Statement from my Mrs while driving on a sunny day " glad I am not a sheep in this weather " this is the sort of crap that goes through a woman's mind while driving it's no wonder they are useless behind the wheel....
My Mrs is exactly the same and my Ex was worse
I used to have a Astra GTE the Ex blew the engine in it running it low on oil when I was away in the Army her answer to it was " ohh yea there was a gravy boat light on the dash for the past couple of weeks" a Gravy boat you mean the oil light you retard why the hell would you put gravy in a car?
My current Mrs wrote off her car into a tree trying to avoid hitting a cat! she only had 3rd party insurance so never got a penny for the car, if she hit the cat prob next to no damage maybe need to fix a under tray at most ...
Statement from my Mrs while driving on a sunny day " glad I am not a sheep in this weather " this is the sort of crap that goes through a woman's mind while driving it's no wonder they are useless behind the wheel....
Last edited by Cammy5106; 28 September 2011 at 09:16 AM.
28 September 2011, 09:18 AM
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28 September 2011, 09:20 AM
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I feel so lucky!! My wife has been a total petrolhead ever since we got together.
Her car was making a noise and rather than getting a bollocking from me (her words not mine) she took it to the specialist that looks after it.
Only thing was, she got it fixed but he text me to get payment!!
It's the thought that counts!!
Her car was making a noise and rather than getting a bollocking from me (her words not mine) she took it to the specialist that looks after it.
Only thing was, she got it fixed but he text me to get payment!!
It's the thought that counts!!
28 September 2011, 10:12 AM
#17
I'm crying with laughter at some of the posts on here, especially the "gravy boat" and the "I'm glad I'm not a sheep in this weather" comments.
It's nice to see that other blokes have the same problem.
Some years back we only had the one car, and I cycled to work and back. One day, I drove the car out of the drive, after not driving it for about 4 weeks. As I reversed it made a "bump, bump, bump" sort of noise, which also happened as I drove forwards, speeding up with the car's speed
Of course, being male, I drove BACK into the drive in order to contact the local garage to see if he could diagnose.
On entering the house, she wanted to know why I'd come back so quick, and once again, on being told abouit the noise, announced that it had been doing it, "for ages".
I asked her why she hadn't either told me, or done something about it, to be told that she "thought it might go away."
In this case, it turned out to be nowt: the handbrake cable had escaped a clip and was rubbing on the edge of one of the alloys, bumping each time it rode over a weight.
I don't know: women seem to be unable to treat cars with kindness......she will happily destroy a machine over using it, then wonder why it failed.
Over in France, we have a self-propelled push-mower, and a ride-on. She destroys those too. The push mower regularly comes back from her forays in the garden with bits missing. On having it pointed out, she usually says, "Oh, it'll be alright, won't it?"
No, you daft bint, it doesn't go well without the air filter you knocked off!!!!!!!!!
Result: me searching the garden for the bit, or trying to source one from the local DIY shed.
Last time she drove the ride-on, as she came back round the side of the house, I noticed that one of the tie bars was off the front suspension. It NORMALLY points forwards, but was dragging. She must have hit something with it, causing the entire mower to rise up OVER the bar like a pole-vault.
"Oh", says she, "I THOUGHT there was a big bump out there today".
And one last one: We were once doing some sanding on a celing. Since it produced a LOT of dust, most of it around my face, she stood with the hoover tube next to the sander, sucking up the dust.
After about five minutes were both choking in dust, so I switched the sander off. It was only THEN I noticed that the hoover wasn't running: she had been holding the tube up all that time but hadn't switched it on!
and the "I'm glad I'm not a sheep in this weather" comments. It's nice to see that other blokes have the same problem.
Some years back we only had the one car, and I cycled to work and back. One day, I drove the car out of the drive, after not driving it for about 4 weeks. As I reversed it made a "bump, bump, bump" sort of noise, which also happened as I drove forwards, speeding up with the car's speed
Of course, being male, I drove BACK into the drive in order to contact the local garage to see if he could diagnose.
On entering the house, she wanted to know why I'd come back so quick, and once again, on being told abouit the noise, announced that it had been doing it, "for ages".
I asked her why she hadn't either told me, or done something about it, to be told that she "thought it might go away."
In this case, it turned out to be nowt: the handbrake cable had escaped a clip and was rubbing on the edge of one of the alloys, bumping each time it rode over a weight.
I don't know: women seem to be unable to treat cars with kindness......she will happily destroy a machine over using it, then wonder why it failed.
Over in France, we have a self-propelled push-mower, and a ride-on. She destroys those too. The push mower regularly comes back from her forays in the garden with bits missing. On having it pointed out, she usually says, "Oh, it'll be alright, won't it?"
No, you daft bint, it doesn't go well without the air filter you knocked off!!!!!!!!!
Result: me searching the garden for the bit, or trying to source one from the local DIY shed.
Last time she drove the ride-on, as she came back round the side of the house, I noticed that one of the tie bars was off the front suspension. It NORMALLY points forwards, but was dragging. She must have hit something with it, causing the entire mower to rise up OVER the bar like a pole-vault.
"Oh", says she, "I THOUGHT there was a big bump out there today".
And one last one: We were once doing some sanding on a celing. Since it produced a LOT of dust, most of it around my face, she stood with the hoover tube next to the sander, sucking up the dust.
After about five minutes were both choking in dust, so I switched the sander off. It was only THEN I noticed that the hoover wasn't running: she had been holding the tube up all that time but hadn't switched it on!
28 September 2011, 10:33 AM
#19
Ex has done 2 engines in her Mini for not putting oil in and one of those was after I told her.
She doesn't check tyres - either pressures or tread - and regularly destroys alloy wheels by driving over curbs.
As for IT? Wow - don't get me started!
Had a classic from her when she moved her PC from her study to the kitchen.
"Why can't I get the Internet?"
"Well, you haven't got a wireless card"
"But it worked in the study"
"That's because of the wire that was plugged from the PC into the router..."
Been separated for 3 years & I still get these "IT Support" calls every so often. To be fair, she has offered to pay!
She engaged the services of a local IT company who came for an initial visit, spent 3 hours with her then never returned or sent a bill!!!
She doesn't check tyres - either pressures or tread - and regularly destroys alloy wheels by driving over curbs.
As for IT? Wow - don't get me started!
Had a classic from her when she moved her PC from her study to the kitchen.
"Why can't I get the Internet?"
"Well, you haven't got a wireless card"
"But it worked in the study"
"That's because of the wire that was plugged from the PC into the router..."
Been separated for 3 years & I still get these "IT Support" calls every so often. To be fair, she has offered to pay!
She engaged the services of a local IT company who came for an initial visit, spent 3 hours with her then never returned or sent a bill!!!
28 September 2011, 12:42 PM
#21
"Gravy Boat", nearly spat my lunch out, what goes through their minds, surely with a brain most humans would not associate Gravy with a Vauxhall Astra maybe the GTE bit made her think it stood for "Gravy Type Engine" or something.
I dont just think its women, some men are wilfully dumb about cars as well, guy at work has had his man card revoked due to him saying his Mini Cooper was RWD, just like the original, you kind of think you sont know that much and then you speak to someone like that and realise you are, girl at work always asks me how I know all this stuff, I just say its called learning but she is a bit low on the old IQ.
I dont just think its women, some men are wilfully dumb about cars as well, guy at work has had his man card revoked due to him saying his Mini Cooper was RWD, just like the original, you kind of think you sont know that much and then you speak to someone like that and realise you are, girl at work always asks me how I know all this stuff, I just say its called learning but she is a bit low on the old IQ.
28 September 2011, 12:49 PM
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Driving down the motorway once with my ex bird, she noticed the sign at the side of road 'PLEASE LEAVE A SPACE OF 2 CHEVRON'S' and the obvious said chevrons were marked on the floor. Her response was "how the **** is anyone supposed to know the length of a ******* American car?" Honestly, you really couldn't make this **** up!
28 September 2011, 12:50 PM
#23
Single male's stock response to this thread:
"Is she fit? I can take her off your hands for a couple of weeks, if that helps. Please send pics
"
Attached male's stock response to this thread:
"You think that's bad, this is what MINE did last week ...
"
"Is she fit? I can take her off your hands for a couple of weeks, if that helps. Please send pics
"Attached male's stock response to this thread:
"You think that's bad, this is what MINE did last week ...
"
28 September 2011, 12:58 PM
#24
Driving down the GT Cambridge Road a couple of years back an Ex once started a full blown argument with me, as she didnt understand the purpose of roundabouts...
There was many a time when I could have pulled up whilst driving one of the exes around and jettisoned them.
There was many a time when I could have pulled up whilst driving one of the exes around and jettisoned them.
28 September 2011, 01:01 PM
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Strangely my insurance companies have increased the quotes massively on my M3 and 968 so unfortunately 'we' decided to not have my wife on those two cars.
This coincided with my M3 having all 4 wheels refurbed after the 'well I didn't do that'.
This coincided with my M3 having all 4 wheels refurbed after the 'well I didn't do that'.
28 September 2011, 01:01 PM
#26
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Division of labour is the key: I look after the cars (lawns, bins etc.) the better half looks after the laundry and so on. Why aren't you lot doing your man-duties?
28 September 2011, 01:21 PM
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Dave
28 September 2011, 01:32 PM
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My mates missus came back from work one day and said,
'The car is broken.Come and look,the wheels are on fire!'
He goes to look and sure enough copious amounts of smoke billowing form the wheels?
On checking finds she has driven all the way home with the hand brake on!
'The car is broken.Come and look,the wheels are on fire!'
He goes to look and sure enough copious amounts of smoke billowing form the wheels?
On checking finds she has driven all the way home with the hand brake on!
28 September 2011, 02:16 PM
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my wife to this day has never put petrol in her car.
its a man's job !!! I had to leave her detailed instructions once in as it was a bit low and she thought she may go out that day !!!
the bumpers are "aptly named" as they are for "bumping off things"
A lady at work once asked me why her windscreen washers weren't working.
went out to the works car park with a kettle to fill them up:
I said I may as well check yr oil and radiator too.
not a drop of oil in: the dipstick was dry and unbelievably the rad was empty too !!!!!
I have no idea to this day how that car continued to run: except maybe it was because she only drove it 1.5 miles to work ?
she took it for fuel to a garage that still had a man that filled it up for you too!
its a man's job !!! I had to leave her detailed instructions once in as it was a bit low and she thought she may go out that day !!!
the bumpers are "aptly named" as they are for "bumping off things"
A lady at work once asked me why her windscreen washers weren't working.
went out to the works car park with a kettle to fill them up:
I said I may as well check yr oil and radiator too.
not a drop of oil in: the dipstick was dry and unbelievably the rad was empty too !!!!!
I have no idea to this day how that car continued to run: except maybe it was because she only drove it 1.5 miles to work ?
she took it for fuel to a garage that still had a man that filled it up for you too!
