Staff warning - Swearing at work
15 July 2011, 08:31 AM
#1
Staff warning - Swearing at work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 New andInnovative'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?
2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of: She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch
3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
Instead Of: F*** off a*se-hole
5. Try Saying: Really?
Instead Of: Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole
6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a f***.
7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of: Not my f***ing problem.
8. Try Saying: That's interesting.
Instead Of: What the f***?
9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No f***ing chance mate.
10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.
12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: Oi, f*** face.
13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 New andInnovative'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1. Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
Instead Of: You don't have a f***ing clue, do you?
2. Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter.
Instead Of: She's a f***ing power-crazy b*tch
3. Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
Instead Of: And when the f*** do you expect me to do this?
4. Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
Instead Of: F*** off a*se-hole
5. Try Saying: Really?
Instead Of: Well f*** me backwards with a telegraph pole
6. Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a f***.
7. Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
Instead Of: Not my f***ing problem.
8. Try Saying: That's interesting.
Instead Of: What the f***?
9. Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
Instead Of: No f***ing chance mate.
10. Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
Instead Of: Why the f*** didn't you tell me that yesterday?
11. Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
Instead Of: He's got his head up his f***ing a*se.
12. Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
Instead Of: Oi, f*** face.
13. Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway
Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f***ing holidays anyway.
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15 July 2011, 12:33 PM
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17 July 2011, 02:11 AM
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17 July 2011, 12:21 PM
#22
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Or you could have charged a different price for each swearword
So Fcukoff would be £1.00
B0ll0cks 80p
P1ss 40p
Tw@t 20p
Or you could of just sacked him,which is what you did
17 July 2011, 03:35 PM
#23
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I was full on LMAO when i said to the team leader "i really dont know how i got dragged into the argument, it has nothing to do with me" and TL replied "well apparently you were making quack, quack noises and Tina does not appreciate it"
I had tears streaming down my face due to laughing so hard,
The following day i drew a picture of a duck and left it on the shelf, this daft old bint then reported me for drawing a duck to taunt her further
I told the TL that it was NOT a duck, it was a Guillemot
The whole thing kicked off because the daft old bint started letting her mouth go, and was trying to take the **** because me and another chap are training on a new process, and we are not up to full speed yet.
Her exact words were this "ohhh its going to be a right old combination on this job next session, you and Craggsy on this station, it will be like the blind leading the blind"
The following session, this daft old bint ended up being taken off her post as she scrapped off 7 parts in succession, so i figured a few choice noises were appropriate
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