Said goodbye to my Dad yesterday.
11 February 2011, 10:07 AM
#1
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Said goodbye to my Dad yesterday.
It was a very sad day yesterday for myself and all my family.
My dad died very suddenly last Friday from a heart attack. It was a massive shock to everyone, and I don't think it has quite sunk in yet.
We didn't have a church service as he was not religious at all, we simply had a small service at the creamatorium where myself, my sister, brother and his cousin said a few words. We also played some of his favourite nothern soul tracks for us all to remember the good times.
It was very hard for me to speak, but I felt I wanted to show my mum how strong I could be.
I went to visit him in the chapel of rest yesterday before the service, and he looked beautiful, just how I remembered him with his grey beard, 'keep the faith' t shirt, and odd socks!
He looked smart, and every bit of how I remember him.
I am struggling a bit to get my head around the fact that he is not here, and I thought seeing him yesterday would help me to understand, but he looked so normal and peaceful, he just looked asleep.
I'm not sure exactly how I am supposed to feel, and not living near my family makes it hard for me to know how they are all feeling.
Sorry for rambling on here guys, and gals..... I suppose I just want people to share my feelings with.
I must be going soft.
My dad died very suddenly last Friday from a heart attack. It was a massive shock to everyone, and I don't think it has quite sunk in yet.
We didn't have a church service as he was not religious at all, we simply had a small service at the creamatorium where myself, my sister, brother and his cousin said a few words. We also played some of his favourite nothern soul tracks for us all to remember the good times.
It was very hard for me to speak, but I felt I wanted to show my mum how strong I could be.
I went to visit him in the chapel of rest yesterday before the service, and he looked beautiful, just how I remembered him with his grey beard, 'keep the faith' t shirt, and odd socks!
He looked smart, and every bit of how I remember him.
I am struggling a bit to get my head around the fact that he is not here, and I thought seeing him yesterday would help me to understand, but he looked so normal and peaceful, he just looked asleep.
I'm not sure exactly how I am supposed to feel, and not living near my family makes it hard for me to know how they are all feeling.
Sorry for rambling on here guys, and gals..... I suppose I just want people to share my feelings with.
I must be going soft.
11 February 2011, 10:14 AM
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As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
11 February 2011, 10:14 AM
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Sorry for your loss, it will get better and time is a great healer
I am incredibly impressed at you being able to get up and talk. I am a gibbering mess at funerals and the thought of standing up and saying anything would never happen. I'm sure your family are very proud of you, as you should be of yourself.
I am incredibly impressed at you being able to get up and talk. I am a gibbering mess at funerals and the thought of standing up and saying anything would never happen. I'm sure your family are very proud of you, as you should be of yourself.
11 February 2011, 10:15 AM
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Well it only happens once , you can feel however you want really .
My ole man lives in the states , has done for 25 years lord knows what going to do when he kicks the bucket
My ole man lives in the states , has done for 25 years lord knows what going to do when he kicks the bucket
11 February 2011, 10:18 AM
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As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
11 February 2011, 10:19 AM
#7
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Lost my Mum a couple of years back. Nothing fills the hole they leave, but you get used to it being there and fill it with the happy memories you have of them rather than the shock of their going.
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11 February 2011, 10:21 AM
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The death of a parent brings out the child in us. Your Dad will be "with you" forever.
Celebrate his life and be strong for your family, get all the nasty paperwork out of the way as soon as you can, helps you focus and is part of the bereavement process.
You probably aren't ready yet but in a few months you'll be trawling through the old photos to put some in a frame... through (mostly) happy tears.
Celebrate his life and be strong for your family, get all the nasty paperwork out of the way as soon as you can, helps you focus and is part of the bereavement process.
You probably aren't ready yet but in a few months you'll be trawling through the old photos to put some in a frame... through (mostly) happy tears.
11 February 2011, 10:22 AM
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Good words from dci, I agree totally.
Hope you can come to terms with it and deal with the situation in good time. You know there are always people about to blow off steam to
Sorry it was all so sudden and traumatic for you all, and truly sorry for your loss.
Hope you can come to terms with it and deal with the situation in good time. You know there are always people about to blow off steam to
Sorry it was all so sudden and traumatic for you all, and truly sorry for your loss.
11 February 2011, 10:23 AM
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As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
...completely agree - be yourself
11 February 2011, 10:24 AM
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My thoughts are with you at this very sad time.
People do say that time is a great healer, and the good times you shared with him will always be with you. You showed that you were strong just being there, keep photos of him around you, so you will remember him always.
Once again my thoughts and condolances go out to you and your family.
People do say that time is a great healer, and the good times you shared with him will always be with you. You showed that you were strong just being there, keep photos of him around you, so you will remember him always.
Once again my thoughts and condolances go out to you and your family.
11 February 2011, 10:30 AM
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My daughter said something to me this morning and I thought it was lovely.
I was listening to some Phil Collins, I can't think of the album name, but it's an album where he does cover vesrsions of some classic northern soul. My dad hated it, as he would! Much preferred the originals
Tayla said, ''is this the other man singing the song and Grandad likes the real one?''
I was listening to some Phil Collins, I can't think of the album name, but it's an album where he does cover vesrsions of some classic northern soul. My dad hated it, as he would! Much preferred the originals
Tayla said, ''is this the other man singing the song and Grandad likes the real one?''
11 February 2011, 10:30 AM
#14
As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
very sorry for you're loss mate.
11 February 2011, 10:58 AM
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As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
11 February 2011, 11:02 AM
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DCI summed it up beautifully. Kat, you didn't exceptionally doing what you did. and yes, he will live through you. Remember the good times and when you're feeling sad, play his music again. A good nostalgia trip of the happy times you had with him works wonders
11 February 2011, 11:03 AM
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As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Can't add to that, a top post. Well said Gene.
My thoughts are with you at this time.
11 February 2011, 11:17 AM
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Hell of a blow and my sympathies are with you.
It's that terrible old cliche, time, I'm afraid. Your dad will always be in the background and as time passes you can laugh and joke about your own special relationship. Everyone is different and so just act as you feel.
My own mum's death hit me hard but you have to think of the positives in your relationship. Another truth is that parent's don't worry about their own deaths and are solely concerned that their children and partner can cope when they go.
My own dad died over 60 years ago which was a bit of a bugger and even now I think about him fondly and would like to have known him and seen what sort of a person he was.
So have a glass of wine and put a few of his favourite CDs on and think about the good times. Difficult but it will get better. d
It's that terrible old cliche, time, I'm afraid. Your dad will always be in the background and as time passes you can laugh and joke about your own special relationship. Everyone is different and so just act as you feel.
My own mum's death hit me hard but you have to think of the positives in your relationship. Another truth is that parent's don't worry about their own deaths and are solely concerned that their children and partner can cope when they go.
My own dad died over 60 years ago which was a bit of a bugger and even now I think about him fondly and would like to have known him and seen what sort of a person he was.
So have a glass of wine and put a few of his favourite CDs on and think about the good times. Difficult but it will get better. d
11 February 2011, 11:24 AM
#19
Sorry to hear of your loss. It would have been my Dads 71st birthday on the 5th of February and it will be a year since he died on the 14th .
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to feel when you lose a parent everyone reacts differently when the time comes. Things do get easier as times go by although you will always feel that loss on those special occasions .
They say we live on through our children and when I see my son I know that's true, I can see all the traits that his grandad had good and bad.
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to feel when you lose a parent everyone reacts differently when the time comes. Things do get easier as times go by although you will always feel that loss on those special occasions .
They say we live on through our children and when I see my son I know that's true, I can see all the traits that his grandad had good and bad.
11 February 2011, 11:41 AM
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Sorry to hear of your loss. It would have been my Dads 71st birthday on the 5th of February and it will be a year since he died on the 14th .
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to feel when you lose a parent everyone reacts differently when the time comes. Things do get easier as times go by although you will always feel that loss on those special occasions .
They say we live on through our children and when I see my son I know that's true, I can see all the traits that his grandad had good and bad.
I don't think there is a right or wrong way to feel when you lose a parent everyone reacts differently when the time comes. Things do get easier as times go by although you will always feel that loss on those special occasions .
They say we live on through our children and when I see my son I know that's true, I can see all the traits that his grandad had good and bad.
When I see my son, I always think of my dad, they are just like each other.
11 February 2011, 11:58 AM
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As far as the "he's not here" feeling goes, that's not entirely true... he's always going to be here, as you are part of him and to that end he sort of lives through you. You're a strong individual and will eventually pass through this period of mourning where all you memories will bring you nothing but warmth and happiness.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
Go with the flow, don't bottle anything up.... be happy, be sad... but always be you.
11 February 2011, 12:20 PM
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Hi mate, I am truely sorry to hear of your loss.
I lost my dad 2 1/2 years ago of a sudden heart attack, He was 50.
You will get sick of hearing this, god knows i did but it will get easier with time. There is no right or wrong way to feel. this is and will be a massive shock to the system and everybody deals with things differently.
Can I give you one bit of advise though mate, please don't bottle this up mate talk to your family and friends. I bottled everything up for a while because my father was the one i told everything, I ended up having councelling to get me open up untiil I was able to speak to my mother and brother. I was just scared of upsetting them and want them see me as a strong figure.
Thinking of the great times you had with him will help mate. Again Im truely sorry mate. My thoughts go out to you and your family.
I lost my dad 2 1/2 years ago of a sudden heart attack, He was 50.
You will get sick of hearing this, god knows i did but it will get easier with time. There is no right or wrong way to feel. this is and will be a massive shock to the system and everybody deals with things differently.
Can I give you one bit of advise though mate, please don't bottle this up mate talk to your family and friends. I bottled everything up for a while because my father was the one i told everything, I ended up having councelling to get me open up untiil I was able to speak to my mother and brother. I was just scared of upsetting them and want them see me as a strong figure.
Thinking of the great times you had with him will help mate. Again Im truely sorry mate. My thoughts go out to you and your family.
11 February 2011, 12:35 PM
#24
I feel for you. Its one of the crap things in life that we all have to endure.
Will be five years on the 16th this month when my Dad died (drop dead right in front of me - he was 58 ). Still not over it really
My advice: Just think the good times.
I know a Salvation army guy who is good with his analogies of life - he compared a loss to carrying a heavy brick. At first its heavy and you struggle carrying it, but as time goes by, you grow stronger and find it easier to carry. The brick is always there, but you find better ways to carry it, be it through personal strength or help from others.
Will be five years on the 16th this month when my Dad died (drop dead right in front of me - he was 58 ). Still not over it really
My advice: Just think the good times.
I know a Salvation army guy who is good with his analogies of life - he compared a loss to carrying a heavy brick. At first its heavy and you struggle carrying it, but as time goes by, you grow stronger and find it easier to carry. The brick is always there, but you find better ways to carry it, be it through personal strength or help from others.
11 February 2011, 12:36 PM
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I think I must be "+6" with regard to DCI's post. I think those are the thoughts of all of us - DCI managed to sum it up very well.
Sincere condolences Hysteria - he's gone in a physical sense but by no means forgotten. I'm quite sure you can recall many a good time spent with him.
Andy
Sincere condolences Hysteria - he's gone in a physical sense but by no means forgotten. I'm quite sure you can recall many a good time spent with him.
Andy
11 February 2011, 01:02 PM
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Very sorry to hear, but I think it's great that you can actually express how you feel, seemingly so soon.
Clearly a funeral helps the process and how you were able to conduct yourself is brilliant.
Clearly there is no right or wrong, you have to see how you feel.
13th Feb is the 17th anniversatry of my Fathers death (Feb seems to be a common time for people clearly) so I sort of know how you feel.
However the relationship with my Father was dreadul. There are no pictures in my house, no memories, no discussion of him, nothing. It's very sad but that's how it is.
I would say you are very lucky to have some great memories of him. As a Father now, that is the absolute most I could want after I go and my aim as regards my relationship with my daughter, family, and friends.
Asif
Clearly a funeral helps the process and how you were able to conduct yourself is brilliant.
Clearly there is no right or wrong, you have to see how you feel.
13th Feb is the 17th anniversatry of my Fathers death (Feb seems to be a common time for people clearly) so I sort of know how you feel.
However the relationship with my Father was dreadul. There are no pictures in my house, no memories, no discussion of him, nothing. It's very sad but that's how it is.
I would say you are very lucky to have some great memories of him. As a Father now, that is the absolute most I could want after I go and my aim as regards my relationship with my daughter, family, and friends.
Asif
11 February 2011, 01:30 PM
#27
Firstly my deepest sympathies on your loss
I know how you're feeling as I had a horrible time about 4 years ago when my Mum died, then my Father died exactly 4 weeks later, followed by a brother 4 months after.
You can't help wondering what the **** is happening
Times do get easier and I'm sure you have lots of happy memories of him
You probably possess many of his mannerisms too - you maybe don't realise just yet.
Whatever you do though, don't bottle anything up - it will not do you any good whatsoever, and just remember things will become a lot easier over the coming weeks.
Chin up and just think of all those happy times you shared
All the best
I know how you're feeling as I had a horrible time about 4 years ago when my Mum died, then my Father died exactly 4 weeks later, followed by a brother 4 months after.
You can't help wondering what the **** is happening
Times do get easier and I'm sure you have lots of happy memories of him
You probably possess many of his mannerisms too - you maybe don't realise just yet.
Whatever you do though, don't bottle anything up - it will not do you any good whatsoever, and just remember things will become a lot easier over the coming weeks.
Chin up and just think of all those happy times you shared
All the best
11 February 2011, 01:49 PM
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It is always a loss when you lose your parents as I have too. You always remember the good things about when you were brought up and how you realise just why they restricted you at times and that you now know it was for the right reasons. All the happy times and the laughter too and the sacrifices which they made for you.
It is not soft as you said, but I think you know that really. I am not ashamed to admit to tears at the funerals.
My commiserations Hysteria.
Les
It is not soft as you said, but I think you know that really. I am not ashamed to admit to tears at the funerals.
My commiserations Hysteria.
Les
11 February 2011, 08:22 PM
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So sad for your loss, he sounded like a right nice guy, Odd socks and northern soul
, I'm so lucky I still have both my parants, even though they are both nearly 80,Just think of the really happy times, and I, if it were me, play some of the music he loved, to keep his memory alive, I hope after I have gone my kids will play The Beatles for me.
Cheers
Colin
, I'm so lucky I still have both my parants, even though they are both nearly 80,Just think of the really happy times, and I, if it were me, play some of the music he loved, to keep his memory alive, I hope after I have gone my kids will play The Beatles for me.Cheers
Colin