Mog

Just been gang raped by a group of mime artists, they did unspeakable things to me................


I thought I'd be a gentleman and hold the door open for a young lady, two minutes later she said "will you sod off I'm trying to have a ****!!"



Brought the missus some crotchless knickers yesterday, It had nothing to do with a sexual nature, it was so she could get a better grip on her broomstick..



Advice for Kate Middleton - If you get divorced make sure you wear a seatbelt ...........................



Now on sale at IKEA - LESBO beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it’s all tongue and groove...............



A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol, police say it’s definitely race related....................



Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8..........................



Ginger bloke goes to the docs about a rash on his bollocks. The doc says "how often do you have sex?" He says "Once or twice a year!" The doc says "that's not a rash mate, its RUST".



I got a letter from Screw Fix Direct thanking me for my interest, but explaining they were not a dating agency...................



Kate Middleton goes to the Queen and says "every time I suck William's **** I get indigestion", the queen says "have you tried Andrew's ? "



The lead actor in the local pantomime of Aladdin was anally raped by the gay genie on stage last night; to be fair the audience tried to warn him.

hodgy0_2

I was sat on the bus this morning, opposite a really sexy Thai bird.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."


But she did.

Aaron1978

iTrader: (12)

Vic and Bob are walking down the road.

Bob says, " You're a ****, you've always been a **** and you always will be a ****. Everything about you makes you a ****, an utter **** and a complete ****! In fact if you entered a **** competition you would come 2nd."

Vic says, "Why wouldn't I win?"
Bob says, "Because you're a ****!".

supshon

iTrader: (5)

I Sat on my c@ck last night for ten minutes til it went numb .Now it feels like im w@nking someone else off !!!!!!