Ground control

Conversations that passengers normally don't hear.
The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:
The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle), a move normally used to provide spacing between aircraft.
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make even a one-eighty in this airplane?"

Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars' worth."
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A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.
San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport."
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Unknown aircraft: "I'mf#@ingbored!"
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f#@ingbored, not f#@ingstupid!"
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7 Did you copy that report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
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The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."
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O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one-o-clock, three miles, eastbound."
United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got that Fokker in sight."
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A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because old boy you lost the bloody war!

 

 

A busy day at Tenerife North and there is a long queue for clearances. Near the front there is a BA airbus. He's been waiting a while and is getting fidgety.

Then he hears "Tower this is Lufthansa xxx requesting taxi."

The repy comes. "Lufthansa xxx taxi <etc>, you are cleared for immediate departure."

BA captain gets straight on the air. "What's going on? We've been waiting here for ages!"

Lufthansa response... "Ja, but ve got up really early und put our towels on ze runvay!"

 

cheers Fosters! Just what I needed to make this day better

 

excellent

 

Class!!! :-)

 

lololololol that luthansa one is mint!